At least Virgo season is over
fucking virgos
Currently listening to Autechre. Because it’s grey out and fall and chilly and that’s what I associate with them.
I forgot my father’s birthday. It was November 15th. Not that he cares; he’s dead. It’s more of a “hey I am this much older than he would ever be.” I still wonder what it would be like if he was alive. Specifically, would my bipolar show itself later? Or not at all? More thought experiment than wish. I’m happy where I have ended up.
Been journalling and making a lot of art. Emotions run high this time of year. Anxiety over money (rent AND vet bill? HAH!), anxiety over relationships (when am I seeing them?), not to mention job (i need a new one).
Hugs and handshakes
Graveyards or beaches
I read recently that all our decisions are based on our biases. Seems obvious, but it hit a nerve. I choose something because I think I already know the outcome. I choose to think I’m being judged because I think I need to be judged. Etc etc.
How would I choose if I let preconceived notions go? Is that possible?
Can I ever really let go of my perceived control of my life? Can I let go and just flow with what the universe gives me? Or will I forever rage against the dying of the light?
Currently Reading: A Rough Ride to the Future by James Lovelock.
It’s interesting how things from 2014 to now have changed. How things thought not possible even tenish years ago are common now. Thought processes from another time. Reading books like these, future forecasting books written any time before 2020, is strange. You see how wrong people were, or how right they were, or, at the very least the step-by-step on how we eventually go to the present.
I’m almost done, but I don’t recommend it. Unless you’re curious about the history of future thought, which I am.
heart,
kelly