Last Friday it was the much-vaunted national event of 17 degrees Celsius and of course oof, what a vibe. People were *smiling*. Terrasjes! Gezellig! (I mean, people are pretty friendly where I live, but there’s a 17 degree smile and a -1 smile.) We sat on a patio, I could barely remember when was the last time I was outside, having a drink, at 7 p.m. without swaddled in clothes. In the morning, I wore a skirt (if I wear it, spring will come (it did not)) and sat outside a cafe to knit, ignoring the fact that the bench was still in the shade and it was still a bit windy. I’m not sure 17C caused the instant mood changer it did for everyone else, and of course, it is now raining again - which I am getting used to, but it’s my least favourite kind of rain, when it’s rainy and windy.

I am struggling a lot to *move on* from the book -- sometimes it feels like my brain is completely devoid of the ability to generate new ideas, or even to do any work. And part of me knows that that is not true, because I am capable of work! good work! great, even. Let me tell you about eight thousand words of footnotes!

But I can’t seem to draw a line under the work, and nor do I want to. It feels easier to fill my brain with knitting projects, with ideas for this novel I’m writing, which I have told myself I cannot touch for a few weeks until I — very ambitiously, go away to work on it! — because, as my friend Hira reminded me, in this mood, the work will be imbued with this feeling of failure. And now I miss Scrivener and everyday my fingers itch to open the manuscript. I did print out the first fifty pages and they sucked but I have put them away for now. I have instead finished another bag of Slims.

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Some February highlights:

Ramsey Nasr’s speech at the opening of Sakir Khader’s amazing Yawm al Firaq exhibition at FOAM Amsterdam.

I went to the Paul Tetar van Elven house museum and saw this by Alexander Hugo Bakker Korff, and thought, ha! My future!

As always, the kaassnack, the source of all healing.