"sluts get to break the rules"
xoxo fest 2024; re: rules and when to break them
I spent this past weekend at the last XOXO festival in Portland, Oregon along with the other half of Galaxy Brain, Philip James. We were both separately long-time attendees before we started a weirdly-shaped company together, and we somehow managed never to meet at XOXO, but we nevertheless think of ourselves as being borne of XOXO and all the friend-making and public weeping its scene entails. Galaxy Brain was able to sponsor the festival for its last run, which felt like a satisfying little full circle moment.
Most of what I was promoting over the weekend was Lex Icon (which I'm getting close to selling out of—more on this later), so it felt like I should probably wade into PDX's Lex scene and get into some trouble. On Thursday night, I met up with a fascinating person who made me a delicious salad, showed me their hand-made collage zines, and, in between bouts of making out, told me a great deal about their detailed and rigorous personal philosophy; composed of rules, routines, and seasonalities.
I was meeting them in a season ("Hot Slut Summer™") in which they do not allow for second dates. Everybody they go out with is a one-and-done encounter. This is an interesting way to live a life, for sure; it didn't really affect me one way or another as a visitor to the area, but I did think a lot about what a single night with somebody can do for you. Every moment with them was instrumental; when we spoke I felt attuned to listening and understanding as much as I could about their odd and intentional life, and when we kissed, I put my all into feeling it and remembering it, allowing for each moment to be the last.
I understood that they were playing a well-designed psycho-sexual power game. If somebody wants them more than they're comfortable with, they have power in denying access to themself. If they want somebody more than they're comfortable with, they maintain power through self-discipline. Hot Slut Summer™ is about reinforcing the self through boundaries.
However: even within the context of the rules they imposed upon themself, they left a sneaky little escape hatch. Early on in the evening, they were describing what it meant to be steeped in Hot Slut Summer™, and they said, with audible sentence case: "Sluts get to Break the Rules." The structure includes its own aberration! Even when they decide to give in to desire, they're flexing a certain power over the boundaries they've self-imposed.
And indeed, that night, when I left their house—and according to their rules, their life—they asked how long I'd still be in town, in case they decide they want to see me again anyway.
what now?
I'll be tabling at San Francisco Zine Fest on September 1st at the Metreon (of all places) with the remaining copies of Lex Icon, as well as a brand new zine ✨ that I've committed to myself to finally finishing before this month ends. It's called "George Costanza is a Beautiful Transsexual Woman"; it's a silly concept that became a devastating found lyric poem with art inspired by David Hockney's "joiner" photo collages.
There should be a Pulitzer for zines, and they should give it to me.
(A David Hockney photo collage)
Last month, Fennel Flowers, my singer-songwriter project, put out Live Like Rats, an acoustic lullaby about thriving within a fallen empire as a queer dirtbag among queer dirtbag community. I'll be playing that song and many more on September 15th at The Knockout in San Francisco, opening for The Lighting Section and Dovetail with an acoustic set.
(The flyer for my show at The Knockout)
what's next?
I'm working on a nascent film photography project called "T-Girls at the Dyke Bar", I have an entire EP's worth of new material as Fennel Flowers that I finished recording demos for months ago but have yet to really start tracking, and I have some zine collaborations with other people that I would love to properly get off the ground.
But for now, I'm typing this from a hotel room bed in Portland, and I'm ready to get up and seek out breakfast.
p.s.
This is a brand-new newsletter! Thank you to Claire Violet for convincing me to follow through on what has to date been only an idle threat.
If you're subscribed already, thank you—if you're not, consider it. I'm not a consistent enough person to spam you.
💋