Texas in My Soul
I have returned to Austin.
“Dallas, Forth Worth, Saint Angelo
Houston, Austin or El Paso
I got to go
I got Texas in my soul”
Once again, I am roaming around, drenched in sweat among the grackles, bluebonnets, burners, hippies, drunks, fuck ups, anarchists, conspiracy theorists, fast casual restaurant workers, queer punks, libertarians, Favor runners, NIMBYs, “weirdos” and actual weirdos, techies, InfoWars correspondents, slumlords, hula hoopers, Longhorns, Kratom evangelists, Rockabilly pin-ups, and self-aggrandizing millennials. Class and race stratification continues to run rampant throughout the zip codes, as evidenced by the uptick in houseless neighbors in segregated neighborhoods. Word has it Elon Musk lurks around town now.
Because of my service job and vaccination status, I am slowly and cautiously re-emerging back into the public. Subsequently, I’ve been granted the unique pleasure of random human interaction again. In my short time back, I’ve already fallen in love with strangers, finding soulmates in ride share drivers and co-workers. You know, it’s these ephemeral connections that got me pining so hard for this God forsaken city when I left. More often than not, souls here are playful and curious. These are my favorite qualities in a person, in fact.
There’s been a transformative shift in my core. I feel calibrated. I have a grasp on my life again. Not a firm grasp mind you, but a grasp nonetheless, a grasp where there absolutely was none for months. I can only hope this re-centering of my disposition will grant me the space to reckon with the colossal loss I have suffered this past year and begin to move forward again. Finally, FINALLY, I am exactly where I want to be, but not without the heaving piles of baggage graciously handed to me by the incompetent and bloodthirsty United States of America this past year.
Here’s another thing. Prior to 2020, I underwent a self-induced abstinence, kickstarting a touch starvation that obviously worsened over the course of the pandemic. Fear, disinterest, and misunderstood gender identity quandaries fueled this withdrawal from my quest to find intimate love. Now, I no longer wish to banish myself from that which I crave, to romantically and deeply love who loves me. Better yet, after years of being an aloof and “useless lesbian” at a physical distance, I’m finally reunited with Julien in the flesh. ‘Twas the good ole’ anxious college sweethearts-to-Internet lovers-to-IRL relationship pipeline. You know how it goes. And I gotta tell you, it’s terrifying and exhilarating to feel someone’s loving touch after so long. Despite all perceived odds and self-imposed barriers, I’ve found Julien and they found me. I’m an incredulous and lucky son of a gun.
Here are photos from the past few weeks.
Until next time.
CBR
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A film suggestion:
COLLECTIVE (2019)
This documentary follows a team of journalists investigating the aftermath of a deadly fire at a nightclub in Bucharest, Romania in 2015. What starts as a story of an isolated tragedy transforms into a harrowing tale of mass corruption within the deeply dysfunctional Romanian government and healthcare system.
• • •
A list of famous men I’d pay top dollar to see featured on fraternityx.com:
Adam McKay
David Duchovny
Will Arnett
Hunter Biden
James Murphy
Jack Davenport
Noel Fielding
Eric Bogosian