LOVE NOTES TO THOSE OF NOTE
August was a pivotal moment for us. It was during this trip I realized that I can trust you with the entirety of my being. That night together, my mind shifted instantly, instinctually, even. All I could feel was pure, warm love for you. Like I told you, all that crossed my mind in that moment was, “Oh, this is a safe person to be with.” I was approaching this feeling for awhile, but I am not one to trust easily. It takes me years to feel like this, if I ever even get there. And it was that night, holding you, that it happened. I cherish every facet of yourself that you show me. It is a great gift and even greater responsibility to truly know you and offer myself in return. Your curiosity about my life, my past, my problems, my thoughts, my emotional interior, and my dreams means the fucking world to me. You are my wife! I am going to know you forever! I am so proud of all we’ve created together this year. As we keep telling ourselves, these are the good days we’ll look back on someday.
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I thought I would merely tolerate you both way back when you were nothing more than ideas floating in the ether. In theory, you were akin to the at-home beer brewing kit or the puzzles. You’re both shrill and tongue-y and neurotic and haven’t a lick of sense to you at times. And yet, here we are, all deeply in love with each other. The love I feel for you both is so expansive and joyful. Just looking at pictures of you improves my mood. I can’t imagine life without you two, and you’re not even mine!
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I couldn’t face you for years. I had to gut and rebuild so much before I could even try looking you in the eyes. I now have the fortitude, compassion, and curiosity necessary to bring you in. I am in awe at how much I adore you. I love spending time with you the most. Please stay as long as you like. You are more than welcome here anytime.
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You allow me to experience the city I love from a new perspective. I am wide-eyed and filled with love when we are together. You’ve allowed me to feel at home with my body in motion. You’re squeaky and old and perfect just the way you are. I am grateful for all the places you’ve taken me so far. To many more!
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I didn’t know how badly I needed you until I met you on that snowy Wednesday in Columbus. When I think of how much I fretted over you beforehand, I can only smile. I know now what I didn’t know then. One of the things I now know is that when you know, you know, you know? I don’t even care where I end up as long as it’s with you.
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We’ve been together eight years, and my love for you only grows with each passing day. You’ve done nothing different, really. You do less, in fact. And yet, you’re my favorite part of coming home every day. You came into my life during a deep depression and have been there by my side ever since. I love our little life together and on the day you die, I know I will be so terribly sad.
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You two are my family. You are a massive part of my life and I cannot believe how lucky I am to love you and for you both to love me. We are a high functioning organism, our little unit. I am glad I will know you both forever.
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You are so special to me. Let’s keep this thing going, yeah?
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I love every single one of you, and you are all real.
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Happy Holidays. Until next time.
CB
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Recommendations:
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
Maid for This (Tiktoker and professional cleaner Khyara Hiles)
Evening strolls by yourself during late December, especially if you have fucked up family stuff
Humidifiers