10 tricks that will drive him absolutely cum-guzzling crazy and you'll get married and share a bank account together!!!
the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is that i unsubscribed to the failing new york times newsletter and i store Pee in the balls
I’m currently outside of a co-op enjoying my breakfast that Kyle so kindly helped me purchase with their employee discount. I overspent this month because of the holidays so I put it on my credit card. Grackles and white ladies surround me. I’m reading No One Is Talking About This and deleted Twitter from my phone for the umpteenth time a few pages in.
I am trying to wrap a resolution around keeping my anger at the government at bay. Because this anger is a result of my principles being in painful conflict with those in power, I cannot justify pacifying it just for the sake of it. Then I remember that both of my grandfathers, angry men, died from heart attacks on golf courses. I don’t know what their principles were. Regardless, they did not keep their anger at bay. If I’m to keep my anger at bay, it’s to keep myself alive, not to spare the government of my wrath.
• • •
I used to drown myself in alcohol and now I don’t.
I used to be afraid of spending money and now I’m not.
I used to hate dogs and now I think they are evolution’s greatest gift to the planet, as are birds.
I used to believe voting for the president mattered and now I don’t.
I’m collecting VHS tapes but don’t have a VCR.
I used to think preppers are out of touch, and now I am a prepper who wishes I were out of touch.
The Internet was my home and now it’s not.
I used to be afraid of death and now I am less so.
I used to think jokes about being perceived were funny, but then I became older than 25.
I used to be filled with so much love that I freely gave to others, and I am still that way.
• • •
NEW RULES:
This is like Bill Maher’s segment except I’m not a fucking idiot.
Every time I get through a PTSD episode without alcohol, everyone claps and does the wave.
All ants have first and last names.
No more age limit for running for president. Only parameter is you’re executed after your term. This one was taken from Felix Biederman’s father.
Everything costs five dollars. Can of beans? Five dollars. Rent? Five dollars.
• • •
god i love the mornings and a clean kitchen and dim lighting and dreaming of having a place with steph in a few months and finally hanging up my velvet gold curtains and using my talking heads coasters again and getting to have sex with “a very special someone” and my thickening happy trail and i lov
• • •
I get so pissed because I want me and everyone on this Earth to feel ease and joy. Like when I am walking in the morning and I hear the birds, and I have access to that special feeling of not having any anxiety or pain, and feel so happy I’m looking at birds I could cry. The feeling only lasts a few moments and it happens more often than it used to and every time it happens I’m like FUCK this is what should be happening. It’s delight! Just fuckin’ delight, man. I want everyone on Earth to feel delight. And that means getting rid of all the shit that robs them of the delight. That’s why I am so pissed! It’s such a simple feeling that should not be rare and luxurious. I want it bountiful and always there. Yes yes yes I know about the meditating and the breathing and the caffeine reduction and the blahblahblahblah. The delight comes when your mind and body are not at war for once. Yes yes yes we are responsible for our own emotions and all that and also I am acutelygoddamnfucking aware of all the needless obstacles that rob us of the delight and fill us with piss and shit that we never asked for. The theft of delight is not a personal problem. THE THEFT OF DELIGHT IS NOT A PERSONAL PROBLEM
• • •
When I read a book or a newsletter written by a smart and hot and funny and gross and extremely online woman I’m like wow that’s the best thing I’ve ever read in my entire life, every time
• • •
I got this humidifier and I think it’s the greatest thing on Earth and now I have to clean it and worry about if it’s going to make mold grow in my room. It never ends!
• • •
The other night, my mind was racing and I was thinking about how I can be hyperbolic at times and I wasn’t sure if that made me a liar or fun to listen to or both or neither. Then again who cares more than me late at night.
• • •
Every time I read or hear the name of the new Sex and the City show I immediately forget it. I never watched the show or the movie so this is an okay thing to happen.
• • •
When I catch myself taking myself too seriously I lose my mind like WHO ARE YOU ?!!?!?! roflmao xD
Until next time,
CBR
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