Why You Feel Stuck (It's Simpler Than You Think)
Why You Feel Stuck (It's Simpler Than You Think)
The role of growth and value in our lives.
I started my teaching career in math out of necessity. Business teacher jobs were hard to get, but I had to start somewhere.
I wasn't passionate about math, but I found myself genuinely excited during those first three years. The learning curve was steep: figuring out classroom management, building lesson plans, teaching terribly, reflecting, and slowly finding my groove. Every day brought new challenges that forced me to grow.
Then something strange happened: as soon as I stopped getting better, I felt trapped.
Algebra lessons became identical every day. What once challenged me now felt automatic. I had the same thought every Sunday night: "I can't do this for the next 30 years."
That's when I discovered something that explains why smart, successful people feel stuck despite having everything they thought they wanted.
The Growth + Value Framework
After years of cycling through this pattern—excitement, mastery, then emptiness—I realized there are only two things that create genuine satisfaction in life:
Growth: The feeling of becoming someone new, of stretching beyond who you were yesterday.
Value: The satisfaction of making meaningful contributions to others' lives.
When you have both, you feel alive. When you're missing one, you feel stuck. When you're missing both, you feel dead inside. This can show up at work or at home.
Here's how it breaks down:
Work without growth = golden handcuffs
Relationships without value exchange = resentment
Growth without contribution = self-obsession
Value without growth = burnout
Growth + Value = Joy.
My Own Stuck Patterns
Looking back, I can see exactly where I lost each piece:
When I switched from math to business (what I'd always wanted to teach), I got a temporary growth boost. New curriculum, new challenges, new skills to master. But after seven years of teaching the same classes, the growth stopped, and the Sunday scaries returned.
Meanwhile, I was coaching wrestling and football, running business clubs, and co-sponsoring student government. I took pride in building these programs from scratch, watching kids succeed, and climbing the coaching ranks.
But here's the trap I didn't see: this was value without personal growth.
I was growing programs and developing students, but I wasn't becoming anyone new. The growth was vicarious—happening through others, not within me. And giving away that much value without getting growth in return? That's the recipe for burnout.
The Sunday Scaries Test
Here's how you know which piece you're missing:
If Sunday nights fill you with dread: You're probably stuck in value without growth, like I was teaching the same algebra class for the fifth year. You're contributing but not becoming anyone new.
If you feel empty despite achievements: You're probably experiencing growth without value, like someone optimizing themselves but not helping anyone else.
If you feel both dread AND emptiness: You're missing both. Time for a bigger conversation about what you're actually building.
The Quick Diagnostic
Look at your typical week and ask:
Growth check: When did you last feel challenged to become someone better? When did you stretch beyond your comfort zone in service of who you're becoming?
Value check: When did your efforts genuinely matter to someone else? When did you solve a problem that made another person's life better?
If you can't answer both questions easily, you've found your starting point.
For me, the growth check was empty for years. Sure, I was helping students, but I wasn't growing personally. That's why this newsletter exists. It's my current growth arc, my attempt to extend value beyond the 120 students in my classroom.
What's Next
Most people try to fix this by changing jobs or relationships. But the real solution is simpler: find where growth and value can happen simultaneously.
The best relationships challenge you to grow while letting you contribute to someone else's life.
The best work stretches your capabilities while solving problems that actually matter.
The best life finds both in multiple places.
The question isn't whether you're successful. It's whether you're growing and contributing in ways that make you feel alive.
Which are you missing right now, growth or value?
Hit reply and let me know. I read every response.
If this framework resonates, you might be interested in more insights about conscious living in my upcoming book, "Stop Lurking, Start Living." Sometimes the most important realization is that feeling stuck isn't a personal failing. It's a missing ingredient.
-Ricky