When Setbacks Stop Setting You Back
When Setbacks Stop Setting You Back
I got rear-ended on the highway Thursday morning.
Had to wait for police. Had to deal with insurance. It made me late to my first class. It was just another thing to handle in an already overwhelming season.
And by the weekend, I'd completely forgotten it happened.
That surprised me.
A few years ago, something like this would've been the thing that happened that week. I would've complained about it to everyone. Let it color my entire day. Used it as evidence that everything was falling apart.
But this time, I handled what needed handling and moved on.
The Season
Life has been moving fast lately. I was named department chair this year. My wife Lori just got a massive promotion and launched her new AI consulting business. She’s travelling for work now, which leaves me home with Miller most nights and mornings. We're both carrying more responsibility than we ever have, which means more demands on our time and energy.
Two weeks before the accident, Lori's car needed a $6,000 transmission replacement. Then mine needed $800 in maintenance. Then the accident.
In previous seasons of my life, any one of these would've felt like a crisis. Together they would've been proof that we were drowning.
But I realized I'm not drowning. I'm just busy. And something about how I process setbacks has fundamentally changed.
What Changed
I think this is what happens when you keep choosing growth over comfort, even when it's uncomfortable. You don't notice yourself changing until moments like this.
The setbacks haven't gotten smaller. Our financial margin didn't suddenly become infinite. The responsibilities didn't become easier to manage.
But my capacity to handle them without falling apart has grown without me realizing it.
A few years ago, my emotional bandwidth was maxed out by normal life. If I added one unexpected problem and I'd spiral. Now, we're handling promotions, increased workload, and three expensive car issues in a month—and I'm still steady.
Not because I've mastered some technique. Not because I'm inherently stronger. But because years of small choices to show up when I didn't feel like it compounded into something I didn't expect: resilience.
The Truth About Growth
As your responsibilities grow, your setbacks grow too. More income means more financial decisions. More leadership means more problems to solve. More opportunity means more ways things can go wrong.
If your capacity doesn't grow faster than your responsibilities, you'll break.
You won't notice your capacity growing. You just wake up one day and realize something that used to derail you barely registers anymore.
I'm grateful for that. Not in a toxic positivity way where I pretend problems aren't real. But in a genuine recognition that my life trajectory isn't determined by temporary obstacles.
The car got fixed. The bills got paid. Work got handled. Miller and I made dinner that night, which was the highlight of the day (he made a huge mess—it was great!). And by the weekend, I'd moved on.
A few years ago, that wouldn't have been possible.
What setback are you currently allowing to define your week that probably won't matter by next month?
Hit reply and let me know. I read every response.
-Ricky
P.S. My car battery died yesterday morning leaving for work. I handled it and moved on. I think this newsletter might be manifesting car problems, but at least I'm proving my own point.
This kind of emotional resilience doesn't come from thinking differently. It comes from choosing differently, consistently, over time. That's the work of "Stop Lurking, Start Living."