Joy is a Moving Target
Joy is a Moving Target
Why I’m successful on paper but still feel like a failure.
I landed my dream job in Aurora, Colorado. It was an amazing high school that I, in fact, had attended years earlier. Everything felt perfect.
Except I could see my entire future laid out: I'd work there until I retired, live in the same area, and do the same things forever.
I felt like I'd picked my own prison.
I was stuck. Even worse, I began sinking into very bad habits. Even though I had accomplished several major goals of mine, I felt like a complete failure. I asked myself, "Is this all there is?"
Then I did something that seemed crazy: I immediately moved across the country to find what else was out there.
That move changed everything for me. I met my wife, grew in my career, and started my family. Ten years later, I had upgraded my life in every possible way. But strangely enough, those same unsettled feelings began to creep up in the back of my mind.
So why did I feel like a failure again?
It was like the movie Groundhog Day. Different circumstances, same feeling. I was successful on paper but empty inside. Life had gotten easy. I had everything that I thought would make me happy, but things just weren’t bringing me the same joy that they used to. I still had goals, but I started to wonder what the point was. I began to watch my life happen instead of living it.
Why did I feel so unhappy if my life was so comfortable?
That's when I realized the problem: Joy is a moving target.
The Comfort Trap
Most people spend their lives chasing comfort, thinking it's the same thing as happiness. If I get the promotion, buy the house, find the relationship, reach the goal, etc., then you'll finally feel good.
But comfort is static. Joy requires movement.
I see this pattern everywhere with successful people who "have it all" but feel empty inside. We've checked every box that society told us would create happiness, and we're confused as to why we feel so flat.
We mistake this flatness for depression or burnout, but it's actually something else: we've achieved maximum comfort and confused it with the good life.
What Comfort Actually Is
Comfort is the absence of challenge, uncertainty, and growth. It's predictable, it’s safe, but worst of all, it’s numbing.
Comfort feels like relief, not aliveness.
It's the soft bed that's hard to leave.he job that pays well but bores you to death. The routine that requires no thought or presence.
Comfort promises you peace, but only delivers stagnation.
What Joy Actually Demands
Joy, on the other hand, demands movement. It shows up when you’re contributing something that matters.
Joy isn't a destination you arrive at. It's what emerges when you're moving toward something that aligns with who want to become.
Our culture sells comfort as the goal. Every advertisement promises to make your life easier. Social media shows us highlight reels and makes us think happiness looks like being on a permanent vacation.
But think about the moments in your life when you felt most alive.
I'll bet they weren't the most comfortable ones. They were probably when you took on a challenge you weren't sure you could handle, or learned something that changed how you see the world.
That's joy. And it required movement, not stillness.
The Moving Target
This is why joy keeps moving. As soon as you stop growing, stop contributing, stop challenging yourself, joy disappears. Not because you've failed, but because you've succeeded... at creating comfort.
The target keeps moving because you keep becoming someone new. The joy you felt at one stage of growth isn't the same joy you'll feel at the next stage. It evolves as you evolve.
Most people interpret this as "nothing lasts" and try to hold onto the feeling. But that's missing the point. Joy isn't supposed to last; it's supposed to keep showing up in new forms as you keep moving.
This is the reason I wrote “Stop Lurking, Start Living.” It’s the reason I’m writing these newsletters. If joy is a moving target, then I need to keep moving as well.
The Paradox
Here's the twist that trips everyone up: you can't pursue joy directly. The moment you make joy the goal, you're back in comfort-seeking mode, looking for the formula or hack that will deliver happiness on demand.
Joy is a byproduct of living consciously, not a target you aim for.
When you're growing into someone you respect while contributing something that matters, joy shows up naturally. Not as a permanent state, but as moments of recognition: "This is what it means to be fully alive."
The Choice
You have to choose: comfort or joy. You can't optimize for both.
Comfort is easier to maintain but harder to live with long-term. Joy is harder to create but impossible to live without once you've experienced it.
Most people choose comfort by default and wonder why they feel empty.
The conscious choice is to keep moving. Keep growing. Keep contributing. Keep becoming someone you respect, even when (especially when) it would be easier to coast.
Remember: Joy isn't the destination. It's what shows up when you're moving in the right direction.
Where are you choosing comfort over the moving target of joy?
Hit reply and let me know. I read every response.
If this message resonates with you, I'd be grateful if you'd help me share it. Forward this to someone you think would benefit from reading it.
-Ricky
P.S. This insight about joy requiring movement is central to "Stop Lurking, Start Living"—my book about why smart people feel stuck despite knowing what to do. If you're ready to stop optimizing for comfort and start moving toward something more meaningful, the book launches soon.