Good morning good morning. Hello howdy. How are you? Doing okay? Not so sweet over here in the head ‘o’ Webb. That weird road rage guy from yesterday was parked behind my truck when I came out of dropping Jane off at camp. He was leaning on his car, staring at me, petting a fucking Chihuahua like a bond villain? WTF. He was squinting in the sun a bit and had those teeth that are real big, with the top lip curving up, almost like a Napoleon Dynamite character. It is all so fucking surreal. He said hi again, and I nodded and said hi back and got in my car. As I do, I sat in my car and read all my morning newsletter emails and played my Wordle. He waited and sat there waiting for me for like ten minutes? Then eventually gave up and left.

What. The. Fuck. I didn’t do anything to this guy! All I did was switch lanes and try and pass him on a highway! I wasn’t even speeding! what the fuck!

I do not like this one bit. Especially now that he was at the school, where I will be the next two mornings and, you know, most mornings for the next three years.

What the fuck.

Day job went okay yesterday, thankfully, but everything else was just a shitshow. Jane seems to have had a couple of setbacks at her camp so she took it out on us, talking about being lazy, refusing to do anything, screaming at us that we would not pick her up and take her up the stairs. I endured it and tried kindness and patience for about an hour but eventually I just cracked. We had finally got her in the car and were trying to go to dinner but she kept yelling at us and saying she would only go places that let her be lazy and it was just so bonkers and I could feel my anger rising. And while this was happening my sister was texting me telling me I needed to pay $1,600 property taxes, which, fine, and my pool partners were texting me and I just sort of cracked.

So, rather than yell or do anything too mean, I just left them in the driveway and told them they could get dinner themselves.

This was probably not the best move. But also: remove yourself from toxic situations? And my wife is highly competent and was emotionally handling this better than I was.

But the next move was: I went to bed and slept for fourteen hours.

This morning I tried to talk to Jane about it, told her that she can tell us she wants to be the boss for a while, but she needs to ask nicely first.

She didn’t especially want to hear it.

Super fun.

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I am listening to the Pretty Reckless this morning, new album, Dear God. I listen to every Pretty Reckless album for some reason. Well, actually, I know the reason, like 16 years ago on their first album I saw them at Tiswas when I was half drunk and it was an amazing time. Say what you want about Taylor Momsen but she is actually a phenomenal metal front-woman. Here actually I think I even have some pictures? No. I do not. I imagined that part. Anyway this album is fine. It is not actually music I listen to in life. I do not know why I keep doing this. Yet I continue. Taylor Momsen 4 life. Also it is better than the new Muse album, which is the last album I listened to.

Jersey Mike’s is going to IPO. This is sad. We have a Jersey Mike’s near us. We go there every couple of weeks. I like the employees, they are nice. Of course, all deli meats are toxic so I should not go there but what are you gonna do. I wonder if those nice workers are going to get anything out of the IPO. I should ask them. I would revise my opinion about the IPO if these front-line employees were getting something.

I just had some Nancy’s yogurt, plain, full fat, and my god, I don’t think it ever clicked how tart/bitter plain yogurt was. I get why people are always adding a fuckton of sugar to it. I am increasingly unsure about this yogurt journey. It is not, it turns out, an especially strong source of Omega-3. I am increasingly thinking I am going to have to suck it up and eat salmon again. I hate salmon so much. All it does is make me think of the 70’s, ice fog, serial killers, bunny boots, mean teachers.

But I am trying to be fitter happier more productive

God that song was brilliant.

I now have, god, I don’t know, something like 60 ounces of plain yogurt that I guess I will suck down. I found a six-ounce bowl and six ounces is a serving, so Imagonna get my probiotics yo. Maybe I’ll try honey tomorrow. But I hate adding sweeteners. Ugh ugh ugh I am failing in my yogurt journey I am not a good suburban borecore dad.

So I guess we’re going with Troy Jackson the water bottle thrower huh. Great. Fine. Whatever. I have other senate races I can obsess over. I await some Maine polls to see if he has a chance of beating Susan Collins. Everyone says he does but I will wait for some data. Let me just refresh the Real Clear Politics All Polls page I keep open in a browser tab like I am a fucking lunatic. Nope. Nothing yet.

On top of maybe having a stalker and a mean daughter and work stress and general existential depression about the state of the world and the war and normal clinical depression, I am, this week, so depressed about how many people are still using Substack and Twitter. Fucking Naomi Klein! She’s like my hero! Started a Substack! Come the fuck on! I hate myself for the ones I am already (legacy) subscribed to and can’t bring myself to sign up for any more substacks but there are so many good ones and I’m just so bummed and it sucks that this totally simple, reasonable political stand is making me lose out on so much of “the discourse.” My friend Seth sent a sweet-ass newsletter to me this morning about Tasha Yar and the weirdness of the Skin of Evil Next Generation episode. Substack. Dammit. Why why why. I mean I know why. People feel exactly like I do and their FOMO kills them and they just crack.

Imagine if Substack were run by good people! Imagine how great this whole revolution in publishing would be. I would be so into it. It could be such a nice bright light.

But no. Nazis gotta ruin everything.

I don’t feel like talking about Jane today because she was pretty terrible and obviously I made that happen by telling you guys that she had been good lately. I will instead tell you about my awesome dream I had in my fourteen hours of sleep. It was a vampire spy dream. Like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy but with vampires. Except there was also some family drama like a long-lost vampire daughter and who was really this person’s dad. That sort of thing. It took place at an ancient but beautiful Albanian seaside resort, sorta White Lotus-style (my brain processing the Kushner kleptocracy resort situation I suppose). It was such a cool dream, so intricate.

Vampire spies man. Are they spying for Vampire governments, like the Volturi, or are they spying for human governments? Why has there never been a vampire working for the CIA? We need more vampire intelligence assets.

(Why did I feel a compulsion to link to an explanation article for “Volturi” but not “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” when the Volturi come from a bit ‘o’ literature that has probably outsold Tinker Tailor by 10 to 1? You know what? You get neither.)

I’m gonna try and have a good day today. Gotta snap out of this mood. Be a human being. I can do it. I will sell this house today.

I will sell this house today.

I will sell this house today.

(Are we allowed to quote that movie if we just do the Annette Bening stuff?)

Moody and quiet playlist today, seems fitting. Listened to the new Tricky yesterday it is… weird? Weird by being not weird? Pretty normal actually. I don’t k now who this Mitch Sanders fellow is. I think I’m probably more into his period with Marta as a collaborator. Love this new Joan as Police Woman record. I sorta knew her, okay didn’t know her just hung out in the same circles back in the day. Was very intimidated. She was so cool. More of the marvelous Amy Rose Mills. An oldie by Lou. I like this Mon Rovia fellow and I love this new Alexis from Hot Chip solo stuff. Yeah this is a good one.

All right I hope you feel better tomorrow. We can do it we can do it.