Look. I wanted to like them. Lord knows if they were made for anyone, they were made for me. But the generic Walmart granola bars are not good. From the moment you open the wrapper the thing smells like… I dunno. Mercury vapor or something.

Good morning dear friends hi how are you I am awake. I stayed up way too late. Like till… 2? Got up at 6? Had one of those manic spells last night where I concoct some grand plan that somehow magically manages to solve every single problem in a specific arena — be it professional, crafting, parenting, whatever. In this case it was at my day job. New grand master plan.

A less-seasoned executive would immediately call a meeting and make the whole company change their direction.

A normal Gen-X depressive, my usual path, would be to wake up and laugh off the whole thing and do nothing.

I am hoping to tread some middle path, but. Hey. You never know.

Speaking of being a well-seasoned CEO I would like to brag for a second that I am still my own COO, and every CEO should be their own COO, keeps it real, maaaaaan.

Just back from the grocery store. Still no Zevia sale. Getting dire. Still a shortage on butter-flavored Smartfood. Also dire. BUT I did manage to buy a non-Cherry flavored Diet Coke this morning. bastards swapped the position of the two flavors in the fridge. And they already look alike! Dodgy AF it is.

Join the GMHHAY slack! Reply to this email and ask for an invite if you’re a human who likes chatting with other humans about topics such as these within!

Speaking of dodgy and other Scottish colloquialisms I am listening to Mogwai this morning. Got meself an original pressing of Ten Rapid, their 1997 compilation of early singles. Original godfathers of post-rock, Mogwai. I mean, look, you and I could argue over whether late-period Talk Talk is post rock next time we’re at a bar. I suppose they are. Are they godfathers? Ehhhhh… Gotta sell some records to be a godfather oh shit Mark Hollis in his junkie era burn. Some of these tracks I have on the original singles but most of them are pretty unknown to me. It is refreshing. Really don’t think about Mogwai’s evolution very much but they really have grown and evolved as a band. Lot less guitar focused now, lot less big thumping rock. Explosions in the Sky et al really forced em to up their game. Post-rock is a competitive sport, man. There should be a post-rock Olympics. That would be amazing. Or at least a Eurovision song contest oh my god that would be so great.

While I’m on the topic of music I would like to tell you about the most amazing discovery I made yesterday, which is that Calla did a six-ish minute cover of Can’s “Mother Sky” that is only available on their split EP with the Walkmen and oh my god it is so good how did I never hear that before. It does not seem to be easily available on the internet. Gonna have to rip it. But my god, it rules. BUT also, two more important bits of Calla information for this band that had a total of 8,000 listeners on Spotify last month:

1) There is a 2004 live album that I had no idea existed, live from Double Door, and it is very good. It does include Mother Sky but it is radically shorter than the 12” version and not as good.

2) THERE IS NEW CALLA. Tons of new singles. New one LAST WEEK. Crazy. I mean, they have been dropping a new single every month or two for, like, a year now? Kinda weird. Wonder if there will be an album.

CALLA.

Oh wait one more piece of music content: everyone hold Jello Biafra in their prayers, as he recently suffered a stroke. Do you think most of the titans of the devil’s industry in SF even know about this monumental artists and statesmen sharing a metropolis with them? Seems unlikely.

MAMMOGRAMS. Emma got a mammogram. I have learned things. DUDES. Did you know they basically have to stick their boobs on this weird transparent platform and smoosh them? So weird.

Also I learned that Emma like pretty much every woman I know has “dense tissue” which involves additional testing. Emma got a letter, though, and it turns out I am being only slightly hyperbolic when I say “every woman I know,” because FORTY PERCENT of woman have dense tissue that necessitates additional imaging after a basic mammogram.

Imagine if all men had to get their dicks schmooshed on a plate every year and half of them had to go get even more shit done after that. How many men do you think would get dick-o-grams?

Been thinking it’d be hilarious to do a paid-tier “GMHHAY after dark” wherein I talk about less appropriate stuff. This would be an almost-contender. Because, you know, my artistic goal with GMHHAY is to convey the full spectrum of a single lived human experience in a quest for greater understanding between humans. And how can you do that without talking about, like, poop sizes?

I am still just that child watching TV wondering why they never show anyone going to the bathroom.

Profound grocery discovery, SO upsetting: About two, three weeks ago now — it’s been ages, I swear — they were out of broccoli heads at the grocery store in the morning but I knew I would very much want broccoli in my stir fry for lunch. So I sucked it up and bought a bag ‘o pre-cut broccoli. You know, the financial catastrophe where they charge you a, like, 400% markup to cut shit for you.

EXCEPT, reader: that bag has lasted forever. As in a) it is waaaay more than 1 or 2 heads of broccoli so my mark-up math was off, but more importantly, b) the shit just does NOT spoil. Lasts like, two, three times longer than buying an uncircumcised head of broccoli.

What the fuck?

I mean.. I would pay more for broccoli that lasts longer?

IF it wasn’t achieved by any additional weird-ass preservative chemicals that they spray in produce freezers at distribution centers.

And IF it wasn’t… wrapped in plastic? That sucks. Plastic. Plastic is AI is the worst is the end of humanity I do not want my broccoli wrapped in plastic that is for my Laura Palmers.

But JESUS. It lasts FOREVER.

What to do, what to do.

Capitalism is always out to get you.

We went to the Mexican joint last night, Taco Tuesday being the closest thing we have to church in this family. Jane and the server are getting along famously. She taught us the Spanish word for Straw. Jane orders in Spanish. We get the same server every week. She has three kids. It’s the best. Some real small town shit.

And Jane is still obsessed with her teeth brushing app I cannot believe it. A giant problem in our life just… disappared. Because we talked to an expert. It’s like the year 2000 in here or something. EXPERTS.

Okay look yes I am cheating a bit with this covers mix, relying so heavily on the new War Child HELP(2) compilation. But it is so good, and it is such a good cause, and man, there are a ton of amazing tracks on there. I was texting with my friend Tony the other day about the new Depeche Mode I mean how do they make anything and everything sound so Depeche Mode? How do they take a freakin’ Buffy Sainte Marie song and make it sound like Depeche Mode? It is a real art. And my god this Fontaines DC cover of Sinead. Listened to it four times now and havs sobbed each time.

HOLY SHIT buttondown made an Apple Music embed. AMAZING. OMG OMG.