Good morning good morning. How are you? Are you hanging in there? What a world, huh? A city in America is in chaos and we’re not even sure if most of the country is aware of it. Imagine if this were going down in Houston or Birmingham. Imagine the Republican reaction.

Wow just started right in there. Well, what are you gonna do. I wonder what its like to be someone who doesn’t pay attention to politics. I wonder what it’s like to be someone who thinks this is all same as it ever was. I mean, to some extent, that’s true. To some extent, this is a return to form. I mean how much national coverage did the NYC Draft Riots or the Pullman Strike massacre get back in the day? Republicans have done a great job muddying the media waters, taking us back to a time where the government can, you know, invade Panama without the populace knowing. Not quite completely there, but boy howdy, nothing like, say, 2000.

It’s all so exhausting.

Thank you Cymbalta I could not do it without you. That neck pain doctor really inadvertently saved my life.

There are, by the way, boycotts scheduled for Jan 20 and Jan 23. I wish we were more coordinated. But hey. We are the left, we are ecumenical. It is our strength and weakness. Will I do either of these? I do like not buying things. I can do that much at least. Because I am a wimp.

I was talking on the phone to a friend last night (I know, I know. Don’t get any ideas). She was going through some family shit. And I was helping her strategize. And it got me thinking about this time I saved a friend from committing suicide. Sat with her for hours, took her knife away, just sat there until the crisis had ebbed a bit. I still have the knife, actually. Still has her blood on it from her self-harm. Feels weird to keep it but always felt weird to throw it away. This was maybe twenty-five years ago.

And then I was thinking about how maybe five years later she moved in with some friends of mine, bunch of people in one of those apartments you all pile into after college. And the whole thing went horribly sour and some of them bullied her and it was all terrible. Like I do not know the exact details. Maybe she did something awful to them? I do not know. It was… “none of my business.” I did tell them all they were being horrible to her and stop but mostly I just removed myself from the situation. I was not living in that house, wasn’t super close with any of them at the time, it was all a mess and I just steered clear.

And, you know, I’m sure it was awful for her. Just fucking awful. But she did not relapse, did not become suicidal again, thank god.

And she did a couple years later invite me to her wedding and I went and it was a great time and I cherish those memories very much.

But then I lost touch with her. And I am sure the reason we lost touch is because of those bullying friends and my association with them.

And that makes me sad because a) I care(d) about her, and b) we had this intense day together, just the craziest time two people could have together.

I think about her a lot.

She’s on the Instas, seems to be doing well, has a whole life in another state.

But I still feel shame for what happened to her in those years. Vicarious shame.

But my god I am glad she’s doing well.

I mentioned this article last night to my friend on the phone, but this 2003 article from the New Yorker on jumpers at the Golden Gate Bridge has stuck with me for over 20 years. The vast majority of those who are interrupted from their attempts at jumping never attempt suicide again.I think about that a lot, and that night with that friend.

Also, in Googling to find that old New Yorker article, I see that as of 2024 the Golden Gate Bridge has finally completed its netting and suicide prevention barriers. Given that I have an old acquaintance who remains missing, last seen walking en route to the Golden Gate Bridge, and given that most people who try do not try again, I say: about fucking time.

Join the GMHHAY slack! Reply to this email and ask for an invite if you’re a human who likes chatting with other humans about topics such as these within!

We are listening to my favorite english R&B/Soul band, Sault, who seem to have a new album, confusingly called Chapter 1. This band has a seemly-systemic but actually chaotic album naming system. The album names are, respectively, 5, 7, Untitled (Black Is), Untitled (Rise), Nine, Air, Today & Tomorrow, 11, Earth, Aiir, Untitled (God), Acts of Faith, 10, and, now, Chapter 1. Chapter 1 is, therefore, their 14th album. I don’t even know, man. But they are all great. Tough band to keep up with on the vinyls, though.

Gawd. I say “vinyls” ironically but I suppose no one can tell that anymore.

Anyway we’re finally almost done with the two days of music we had in our “To Investigate” playlist on January 1st, from all of the best-of-the-year lists. I finally got to listen to the new Dry Cleaning album yesterday and it is as good as everyone says I liked it a lot. I need to listen to it on headphones will on a walk to take in all the lyrical brilliance. I reformatted my media consumption list this year, it is no longer in the style of Soderbergh. It is now in a spreadsheet, which has pros and cons. It will make the end-of-the-year wrap up a lot easier, and I won’t have to manually count how many albums I’ve listened to in 2026. I have listened to 61 new albums this year already that is absurd. I am exhausted. I want to go listen to Xymox or Leonard Cohen now. I’m also adding star ratings as I go, not to every one but to once that hit me, and I have a little notes column, though I’ve not been great about that. This whole thing is starting to feel a bit more like work, though. But it is year 10, I figure I’ll do it this year, see if the thing feels like I’m getting anything from it, then either give it up completely or not. We shall see.

In a Slack I’m in, a friend of mine listed his top 5 all time favorite TV shows. There are one or two that you or I probably don’t know, but all in all it was a lot of shows that we all know to be good. And I started thinking “oh this will be fun, I will do it too” and started trying to compile a list. Maybe The Leftovers, maybe Game of Thrones, maybe Mrs. Davis.

But then I was like, “eh, you know, none of these shows are truly great.” And I think about other shows I watched that people think are great, and I do think are good, like The Sopranos or The Wire, but, you know. I just.. maybe I don’t like TV that much? Maybe it can’t be great? I think maybe the very structure of TV is such that it is almost impossible to make a perfect show. Too many compromises, too many people involved. All the challenges of making a great movie, but every challenge amplified: more studio notes, more narrative challenges, more budget constraints, more opportunities for difficulty getting the right performance or shot. And they often go on too long and lose their way from what made them perfect to begin with. This is not to say I don’t like TV shows, I guess. I mean, obviously you can have a favorite amongst mediocre things. I have a favorite Chapel Hill Thai restaurant buh duh bump. But I guess what I’m saying is that my favorite TV shows do not rank anywhere near as high in my head as my favorite movies.

Except maybe Andor.

Just back from the grocery store. I tried to stall until Friday so I could go to Walmart and save myself $20, but we had a rotten apple and ran out of lunchbox goodies and I want a phoney negroni tonight and I was out of orange bitters my god orange bitters costs so much did you know this? $11 a bottle! Were they always that expensive? What a world, what a world, old man shakes fist at cloud.

Speaking of old men the old man who works the self-checkout wasn’t there. The guy I talk to about Zevia. Who keeps insisting to me they have caffeine-free Zevia at Food Lion. They do not. But he likes Zevia, or rather, he buys it for his grandson, so he knows when the sales are. Though he told me this sale would end Tuesday, as in yesterday, but the Zevia was still on sale today. Though I bought them out of caffeine-free Zevia on Sunday and they have not restocked the shelves, so no bueno for me. I know they have, like, “rain checks” or whatever but I have never once figured that whole thing out I am only an aspiring professional coupon mom not a real one. Anyway I hope he is okay. He is a nice guy.

Jane and I did a daddy-Jane dance party last night. She is into them again. It makes me very happy. Emma has a bunch of work this week, with commensurate rush fees, good money. So Jane and I are doing more each night at bedtime. She finally talked about brushing teeth and “boring” and how she didn’t like stopping doing the fun thing to brush teeth and we thought of ways to make it less boring and last night we continued our dance party as we brushed teeth. But of course the novelty will wear off in a matter of days, like the color-changing toothpaste did. So here is a call-out to the parents out there: if you have any ideas on how to make it less boring, really novel ones, send ‘em my way.

TYSM

Just another justa mix for you today. Probably mostly the same bands as yesterday. Lotta new bands. Let’s see.. Adam told me about Skull Practitioners thank you, they are god. I really liked this Great Grandpa band, learned about them on KEXP. Solid. Belair Lip Bombs came from Suzy. So much music. My god. I still have to give most of these albums a second listen too.

But first, some old music and vinyl times.

Until tomorrow, fine friends.