Good morning, friends, good morning. Hi. Hello. How are you? Thanksgiving soon. My favorite holiday. Problematic origins, universal sentiment. Could be worse.

Overslept today. Jane had to wake me up. I was having a lovely dream with Annie and Craig at the Silhouette in Allston. I guess maybe this was in the interegenum months between Vicky and Aug as bass players. Except Sean was there too. But, then, that’s probably because whenever I go to the Silhouette in the 2020’s, Sean is there.

Dropped Jane off, asked her the name of her fluoride rinse, because we used it up last night, as I was brushing her teeth. Streak ended. She went 20+ days, though. Can’t complain. And even though she made me brush her teeth, she did it calmly and I didn’t have to hold her down like the old days, so, win I guess. Anyway as she was leaving the car, she said “Act Kids Groovy Grape.” And then the symphonic Japanese metal opus “Hikari” by Envy came on. So I started doing the death metal voice while screaming “Act Kids Groovy Grape” over and over. Even as I went into the grocery store. Even as I went into the second grocery store, looking for this stuff. No luck. Gonna have to make a mid-week trip to Walmart. Twist my arm.

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We are listening to Jesu this morning. One of Justin Broderick’s, of Godflesh fame, many side projects. Kinda d droney shoegaze metal, Deavheaven adjacent but more melodic. One of my favorites. Saw em in a tent at SXSW one year. Across from Emo’s. When Emo’s was still Emo’s. Saw Cinerama in that tent the same day. Weird day. Album is Terminus, from 2020. Gold and white splatter pour, just got it. Been on my wantlist since it came out. Is it a Foundation reference? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Absolutely not sure where to put the apostrophe s in “one of Justin Broderick’s, of Godflesh fame. Feels like the ‘s should go on “Godflesh” but that is obviously incorrect. Should probably re-word but not gonna bother.)

If you play this album quiet, it is very pretty. If you play it loud it is unholy. Kinda impressive.

Oh hey here have a picture of it.

There is an interview with John Green in the New York Times Magazine yesterday. It includes this quote which, I’m not gonna lie, is exactly something I needed to hear yesterday and maybe you do too:

Despair is a daily presence in my life and something that I have to try to ward off using all of the magic and meaning that I can find. I’ve lived with major depression. I have pretty severe O.C.D. and a lot of anxiety. I can’t afford despair. I don’t think humanity can afford despair, because the problem with despair is that all it does is make more of itself. I wouldn’t have an issue with despair if it caused me to be a better human or a better dad. But despair just sinks me deeper and deeper into the couch, and that is my daily temptation.

The main problem either despair is that all it does is make more of itself. So simple. So elegant. Yet so revelatory for me, because my god do I love wallowing in despair. But he’s right. I have never made a good piece of art while feeling despair. Sadness yes. Despair no.

Been at a real low point in my creative endeavors of late and it has been bumming me out. But it is mostly in my head because even when I say that I know it is not, technically, true. Because, and I don’t want to toot my own horn here or anything, but I know that GMHHAY has been pretty solid these last couple of weeks, and as artistic endeavors go in general I know it is pretty f’n solid. I should go easier on myself. So I do, and then I don’t worry about other endeavors, and then they slack, and then they feel bad. Frustrating.

I wonder if Harry Dean Stanton felt this way about his acting career as opposed to his Jazz. Was that too deep of a cut? I wonder if Taylor feels this way about her directing career.

I do gotta say, though: Goth ETF was a hell of an invention, I’m glad a few of you wrote in appreciating it. I wish I could make that a thing. There is basically nothing on the internet when you Google it. We could do some SEO and own that market. Goth ETF. Real shame none of those millions of VCs I know were ever goth.

(Semi-relatedly: Facebook recommended Sam Altman as a friend yesterday. Seventy-four mutual friends. Reader, I expired).

In more upbeat news I had the best Youtube day on Sunday. My god it was so good. I was sitting there watching amazing, insightful Youtube video after video and I was saying “yes! This is so good! Yes” over and over again and man I know the internet sucks but there are still some real gems on there. Super Fast Matt jumped a remote-controlled Smart car. Time Rift Arcade did a mesmerizing restoration of a Mappy arcade game. Veritasum and their amazing Rome escalator disaster video. This guy basically made me think I could make my own PC again. This guy bought his wife her dream car and the video just kept giving and giving. I cried, not gonna lie. Snazzy Labs did the most insightful video I have ever seen about the divide between Mac and iPad that can basically never be bridged. Revelatory. This crazy video about the Taum Sauk dam failure that I have never heard of. SO many more good ones but it is very exhausting to add all those links.

What a day, what a day. Banner youtube day.

Oh hey Kat Abughazeleh is polling tied for first in a recent poll. I like her, she is a fun time. Her indictment for protesting against ICE is total bullshit. I have, historically, thought she had zero chance of actually winning this race but was excited to see her energy and media savvy as an example of what the hell Democrats should be doing these days. But now she actually has a chance. I am excited. That is nice.

Emma and I were talking the other night about the differences in vibes I feel watching Sandman compared to re-watching Harry Potter. And it was hard to pin down. There are creative things, Sandman is just, well, better, and it is more adult and serious so there isn’t this icky thing about kids going on. But it’s more than that.

What we came up with is that Neil Gaiman is a fucked-up evil, JK Rowling is an intentional, malevolent evil. It is inconceivable to imagine Neil Gaiman trying to defend his actions. JK Rowling does this constantly. Neil Gaiman is not out there trying to make the whole world as evil as him. I mean none of this is to excuse Neil Gaiman’s horrific actions. We are talking differing degrees of evil here, but evil in both situations nonetheless.

My consumption of this second season of Sandman would be way more difficult if Gaiman were out there, still mostly uncancelled by the mainstream media, telling everyone you should commit sexual violence against at-risk people for fun and there is nothing wrong with it. Because, you know, that’s what JK Rowling is basically doing. Rowling has avoided cancellation because a) too many people are indifferent to trans rights, and b) there is too much money involved. Consuming Rowling is supporting an ongoing horror. No one is supporting Gaiman now, dude’s not gonna make another TV show ever.

This is not a justification. And honestly, second season of Sandman isn’t as good as the first anyway.

Degrees.

Rough Jane night yesterday she was just in this absolute lunatic mood, talking in a weird voice and she couldn’t stop, like when suddenly the word “smooth” seems funny to you and you can’t help but say it over and over. Or when you find yourself doing the death metal voice at grocery stores saying “Act Kids Groovy Grape” like Tetsuya Fukagawa from Envy I guess. She wouldn’t do anything for Emma, no teeth, no magic eye-saving drops.

That’s the worst, man. Science has delivered these drops that will save her eyes from being as bad as mine, alleviating my genetic guilt, and some nights you just can’t get her to take them. Fucks you up. But eventually she let me do these things for her, I think she knew shit was getting real when I showed up. No screaming no rebelling, just utter indifference to my pleas. Very weird. Slightly unnerving.

But lovely as a peach this morning so we’ll just pretend it didn’t happen la la la.

Punkish playlist for you. Been working on it forever. Since April, wow. Guess I don’t listen to much punk these days. Or it bleeds over to metal sometimes, I guess. Or the raaaawwwwk series. Anyway Mannequin Pussy album is one of the best albums of the last year love it so much. We have discussed the Husker Du box it is great. Turnstile have become huge, people are forgetting about FIDLAR, Hated are getting a lovely re-issue treatment of late from Numero group. Love the new Shame record wish I saw them when they came to town.

I’m off tomorrow so I can’t tell you whether I will write or not. We shall see. Shit its possible you don’t hear from me again for six days that would be craaaazy man. But I just can’t quit you. I’ll be back I promise.