Good Morning. Hello. How are you? #1614
New Waffle House waffle irons, Mono, scatalogical follow-up, but most importantly: CHORES
(Originally mis-numbered as 1603)
Good morning good morning good morning. Happy Monday. Running a little late this morning. Emma took Jane to school so I got to sleep in. I have needed so much sleep this weekend just absurd amounts. A medical friend tells me its probably cuz of my vaccines. The things we do for science.
Scatalogical edition was a big hit. Lotta reader feedback. If I were a craven man, I could launch a Poop Substack, get a book deal, hang around with Hamish and Bari Weiss or some shit. Do podcasts. Get a book deal.
Several woman readers wrote in about Brazilian waxes (huh “Brazilian” only has one L who knew). One reader performed them, so she has seen a lot of buttholes. A few readers who get them point out that a lot more people have probably seen their buttholes.
Lotta butthole talk on the GMHHAY slack all weekend. I really feel like we have contributed to society. It was also hilarious to see my wife think about buttholes all day Friday. You don’t see that very often.
One reader wrote that her husband has a former television actor as one of his doctors, dude left Hollywood and went back to medical school, so he suspects he wins the contest of “most famous person to have seen your butthole.”
And Chad sent in this great old video:
Additionally a GMHHAY reader pointed out that the issue number at the top of this email no longer matches the issue number at the bottom of this email. And she is right, about sixty issues back I reverted 9 issues back, so we are about 9 issues off at the moment. Alas. So I am going to get that fixed tomorrow, I think, so expect a big leap in issue numbers. Thank you Allison for pointing this out. We need to be accurate here.
Join the GMHHAY slack! Reply to this email and ask for an invite if you’re a human who likes chatting with other humans about topics such as these within!
We are listening to the new Mono live album this morning, Forever Home: Live in Tokyo with Orchestra PITREZA. It is awesome, as always. Man there was a time I could go see this band every year or two at the Middle East or something they were so good. They still are so good but I haven’t seen them in, like, fifteen years. They toured the US in March but I gotta pick and choose my “travel for a band” battles these days.
Very lush packaging, this album. Triple LP. Amazing photos. Big book. The whole works.
ANYWAY. We all know what you’re here for. WEEKEND CHORES WOOOO. We don’t call it Chore House for nuthin’.
Friday: outdoor day. Blew the leaves on the driveway at Chore House for the tenants. Leaves cause your concrete to go black, and they will compost and become a slippery mess on pavement and are dangerous, and it is not really possible to rake leaves on concrete. I use quiet electric leaf blowers, powered by the sun. I know leaf blowers are a controversial topic in these parts, but sometimes you just gotta blow some leaves.
Finished up greenhouse winter prep since it’s gonna get in the twenties tonight. Replaced the battery in the wi-fi thermometer so I can keep an eye on things. Found my actual proper greenhouse space heaters, the ones with non-digital controls, old-school, analog, that will turn on and off when you supply or cut the AC power to them. Hooked one up to these amazing doohickeys, which rank as one of humanity’s greatest inventions. Hooked the other up to this thing, which is far more finicky and I have to read the manual on it every season to re-learn how to change it from summer to winter mode. I keep the manual on a shelf in the greenhouse and it is slowly decomposing in the humidity and sun so if I don’t commit to memory how to operate this thing in, oh, three more years, I am screwed.
Turned off the outdoor irrigation and water to the pressure washer. Just realizing now I forgot to check the heat tape around the hose outlet junction I should probably run over and check that today before it gets cold. Leveled a new Birdie’s Bed that’s gonna be for outdoor determinate tomatoes next year.
Picked about 120 cherry tomatoes, sixty thai red peppers, 20 or so San Marzano tomatoes, a pumpkin that Jane grew, and a couple last minute pre-winter cucumbers. Left a ton of green tomatoes on the vine outdoors. They are either gonna survive or freeze tonight, but I figured they deserved the chance to fight.
Stopped early and Emma, Jane and I went to the landscape supply store and we bought 20 yards of mulch for our house, 10 yards of mulch for Chore House (sorry Emily) and 4 yards of gravel for chore house. It is all arriving tomorrow. Big mulch day tomorrow gonna be fun. The guy that works there has such a deep southern accent and talks so slowly he terrifies me on the phone real Deliverance vibes so I thought it would be better to order in person this year. And it was, marginally. He is slightly funnier in person. But he is still terrifying.
Then we tried out going to the playground before dinner, since it’s getting dark so early these days. Worked great, playground was packed. Hard to do on a work day because of, well, work, but totally doable on a school day.
Then Waffle House and a) everyone that works there is awesome, b) they are also mostly stoned, and c) big news they got new waffle irons. I feel like this… this should be bigger news. The waffles now have “Waffle House” embossed in the waffles. I mean, I first went to Waffle House 29 years ago and the waffles were exactly the same as they were up until two weeks ago. But now they are different. And they cook different too, the waffles are more cooked, and more cooked on one side than another. This is hugely daring for a chain called… Waffle House. I mean, this could backfire on them, man, this could be their New Coke moment someone go short their stock stat.
Haha joke’s on you, Waffle House is privately owned.
Then we went to Lowe’s and bought more supplies for studio build and crap I am just realizing I forgot to buy a replacement fence topper for the Neurodivergent-affirming Pediatric Speech Therapists. And we forgot a wheelbarrow for Emma. She wants one of those two-wheeled ones. Why aren’t these the norm? No idea. Guess I’ll need to go back. Ugh and I am just now remembering there is 200 pounds of rock salt in the back of my truck I gotta haul into Janet’s crawl space. Work’s never done.
Saturday and Sunday were spent almost exclusively working on the studio and, man, I got so much done. First layer of OSB — layer seven in total — is done on the floor in the server room and mic booth area. And layer 2 of OSB — layer eight, the last subfloor layer — is done in the mic booth now. I am so excited. Also I came up with a viable plan to lift the HVAC unit to get the floor built up underneath it. It will cost about $300 in construction jacks that I will never need again. Anyone need some construction jacks in about two months?
Hadn’t worked on the attic in three weeks because of Oregon trip and Jane birthday and Halloween and visitors and it felt so good. I love it so much. I listen to my 10,000 song playlist on shuffle and sing along and work and go up and down stairs and jigsaw and hammer and I feel just like Hannah Lee Duggan.
Then I came home and showered and put away my laundry and dreamed of inventing a sock tube where you put socks in at one end and they come out at the other end. Because…
Oh right I was gonna put this question to the GMHAAY community:
Emma says you do not need a FIFO stack — first in, first out — for underwear, that it is good to have some underwear that are real worn out and some newish and you don’t want to be replacing all your underwear at the same time. All my underwear is the exact same make and model so I am fine with buying a ton at once but I suppose I understand this for someone with more varied small clothes.
Conversely, she says you should have a FIFO stack for socks.
I have the opposite: a very methodical FIFO stack for my underwear and no FIFO stack for socks.
What should I be doing, GMHHAY community. Help me you’re my only hope.
Jane’s been good this weekend. We had this whole fascinating thing. One day at dinner, last Tuesday, Jane was very chatty and decided she wanted to play a teacher teaching her students — Emma and I — about self-control and emotional regulation and she asked me a question about how I make boring things fun and I threw out a few answers and one of them was “streaks.”
That struck something in Emma and she developed this whole comprehensive new approach to teeth brushing. So while she and I were at Walmart Friday (oh yeah I forgot — we went to Walmart. Walmart radio played “Mony Mony” and I did not have an answer for Emma for why it is “Mony” not “Money” and I felt inadequate. And they had no Zevia Ginger Ale) she bought a few of those “mystery ball” toys that now seem all the rage. And I think this is why? Kids can’t resist them as rewards because they need to know what’s in the ball.
Then she came home, and made a whole calendar streak board just like in DuoLingo and told Jane that if she could do teeth for a week, a streak, she could get the mystery ball gift.
And it totally worked! Jane has done her teeh for, like, six times in a row now, and she runs downstairs to draw a little fire on the streak board after each time.
Will it last forever? Even the week? I don’t know but even if this is all it accomplished, it is better than we’ve other done before.
It takes a village. And Duolingo.
Another shoegaze playlist for you today. Been listening to a lot of shoegaze. Just the best. I think at this point I have exposed you to most of these bands — I am very into Blankenberge these days. And the Antlers and Slow Quit and They Are Gutting a Body of Water. Convenience Store,, bloodsports, Mumrunner, newer discoveries still delving. Man. I keep thinking I am close to the end of the line with modern shoegaze but nope. Another new shoegaze band pops up every week I swear. Keep em coming.
Whew what a weekend that was so fun man I love weekends I guess we’ll just go back to work now.
—
Thanks for reading.
And hey! Maybe buy one of my books!
Good Morning, Hello, How Are You vol 1.