Good Morning. Hello. How are you? #1484
Walmart run, gnarled birch trees, 30 dolls political strategy, econometrics of Messi merch, dreaming of the time Pharrell and Cat Power may have met in person, our national Chomps crisis, queasiness over fashy shipping.
Good morning hello hi how are you? I am okay. A little sad. Just ambiently sad, state of the world, etc. etc.
Listening to a new remix from this new Cure remix album. It is fine. I do not know why Robert Smith keeps making remix albums. Maybe there’s a little thrill hearing some other respected producer work on one of your tracks. Maybe it is a reaction to all the criticism the (daring, different) production on the last album got.
Gotta say, though, the two remixes released so far? Pretty good. Way better than anything on Mixed Up.
Speaking, a song came on this morning, randomly from my “all the good” playlist – 7k+ songs of everything I’ve ever liked. Well, its more like 10k now but only in Apple Music, Spotify sucks and caps a playlist out at 7,000 songs. Anyway, this song came on and I have no recollection of ever hearing it or adding it to the list. But I have to tell you, reader, it was a 9-minute dance song that includued both Cat Power and Pharrell as contributors and I have so many questions. Did they ever meet? How the heck did that go? I would watch a whole documentary about the meeting of Pharrell and Cat Power and the dude, Cassius, who made it happen.
Oh look there appears to be a video for the edit of the song. I do not have the strength to watch it and see if there is concrete evidence of them meeting. Don’t tell me.
Are you, too, feeling somewhat queasy and uneasy about your shipping of your favorite fascist couple Syril and Dedra? They are so hilarious and great but also so, so fascist. It is uncomfortable. Deeply uncomfortable. Also that show is so fucking funny it does not get enough credit for its humor. Man, it is just so good. People seem to be liking the second season less but not I, not I. Though I do miss that giant gong playing dude in that bell tower. I want one of those giant metal gongs so bad.
Hey just as a heads up — someone write the think piece I cannot be bothered to or just get this idea into the hands of the milquetoast Times, but the left will be playing right into Trump’s hands if we attack him on the “30 dolls” front. He is right. Most Americans have too much shit, need less shit. But more to the point, I think it is a latently popular viewpoint. People know they are addicted, and they would never trust the left to save them from themselves, but they will absolutely let papa Trump save them and the left would be hella stupid to back itself into a corner sticking up for cheap shit and rampant consumerism. Be smarter. Thanks.
It occurs to me that I have the phone numbers of a few US senate candidates, congressmen, attorneys general, etc in my phone. Like their actual personal numbers you get once you write em checks for a couple grand and live in a state that isn’t New York or California. I should start texting them this shit until they block me.
Just back from Walmart. It was sad. I mean, it was fine. They are still out of Chomps and I think we need to get a serious journalist on the case here. Like maybe that journalist who wrote that amazing bucatini expose during the pandemic or before it. Here it is. 2020. Rachel Handler. My god, it was so good. Anyway, I mean, this is obviously more than a simple supply chain constraint at this point, or, I guess, I’m starting to think it is. I’m starting to worry, like, Pepperoni-flavored Turkey Chomps were, like, toxic or something? I have also noticed they have shut down all their giant Youtube influencer marketing spend and all those woodworkers I watch who were well, chomping away on Chomps have stopped. Mysterious.
Chomps was a near-perfect market-entry execution, just so well done. Appeared everywhere, instantly, launched out of the gate with a Walmart partnership. Probably someone with a prior to relationship to the merchandisers there, huh? Anyway, it was perfectly executed, their launch. And now this. Must be stressful for them.
And yeah, they have beef Chomps but man, beef Chomps are just another dumb meat stick. Turkey chomps were special.
Walmart is also still out of 65 gallon bin liners but I did find 55 gallon heavy duty contractor bags so hopefully that will work. I like my trash bags large, man. So my fat man hands can tie a giant knot on them even when they’re full.
I also noticed that my Walmart does not sell a single 4K UHD Blu Ray disc at all any more. I mean, our Walmrt is not one with the “physical media” add-on so it has always been ridiculously short of blu rays, but it has, historically, at least had 4K copies of two or three of the latest new major releases. Not anymore. Real bummer. Is this my fault? I used to reliably buy one a month and haven’t in months. Shit. Maybe I was the only one.
It is weird to have shopping carts in two sizes at every grocery store in America but we, as Americans, still have yet to devise a standardized, intelligent method for cart return of carts of two different sizes, so we all just stick them in the same cart return lane, even though they are two different sizes and do not nest properly, and some poor schmuck has to go and take apart and reassemble the entire row. Every day. At every grocery store (with a parking lot) in America. Thousands of hours a day of people taking apart rows of carts and reassembling them.
We have lost our way, America.
There is a new big sign at the front door of Walmart telling people about their no stimulation hours. That sign is new. Used to only be one in the baby-supply section. Which I always thought was weird because isn’t it a bit later when the signs of neurodivergence emerge? Or maybe they put it in the baby section to delicately avoid the neurodivergent topic. But I guess with this new sign by the door, they are doubling down, that is nice.
And I arrived at 7:36 so I got part of my trip with stimulation and part without, and that was great because I got to hear Walmart radio, still going strong. Worker called in wishing congratulations to a coworker on their thirty-five years of working at Walmart. They requested Stevie Wonder’s “Signed Sealed and Delivered” for them. Fits. And then they played “Born to Run.”
I did not feel like I was born to run at Walmart.
There were ten different shirts that just said MESSI on them and, look, I mean, being Lionel must be tough. You don’t NEED a million people wearing shirts with your name on it, but if you don’t make them, someone else will, and this dude with a beard and a bald spot who also franchises like, the Power Rangers or something is sitting in this conference room offering you a seven-figure down payment plus a cut to let him make shirts with your name on it so you may as well get yours.
But it’s all so tawdry.
If I were Lionel Messi I would open up a Shopify shop and have a single, one, Lionel Messi shirt for sale at any given time. I would design it or approve the design, and I would sell it for, say, a quarter or six months. That’s the shirt you get. And then there will be another one in six months.
Like, sure, the product variation may lead to an increased number of items sold, but is your cut, Lionel, gonna be as big as if you were selling this direct? has anyone actually run an A/B test on this?
Oh shit, I bet Taylor has.
And, sure, you could do both like Taylor but I’m just gonna say it: there is way too much Taylor merch in the world and this coming from someone who enthusiastically bought the 1989 Taylor’s Version-branded Viewmaster.
One shirt at a time. For the fans. IYKYK.
There were also Yellowstone-branded dishes. If, you know, you want your rural North Carolinian house to have that fictionalized rural Montana feel.
(I had to look that up even though my wife worked on the marketing a bit. Because I am a TV snob.)
I’ll say one thing, though. At least the Yellowstone dishes and Messi shirts weren’t in that sad aisle of discounted stuff, like:
Mr. Beast briefcase jesus H.
Hey check out these Alaskan birch trees in downtown Fairbanks. I took this picture for you a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it. Even I, as an Alaskan who grew up amongst the birch, think of birch trees as tall, narrow, straight as an arrow.
But, you know. Get em old enough, and you get this:
So many of these awesome, old, gnarled birch trees along Cowles street, one of the old downtown streets of Fairbanks. Love them so much. Never noticed them before, even though I walked up and down that street every week for a decade or so.
I think that’s all I got today? It is Friday. Weekend is upon us. I am excited. I need it. I need to be away from a computer and doing physical labor and spending time with my daughter. I am sad today. The world is sad. Why can’t people stop being assholes, seriously.
But I have deliveries of construction supplies today, and I am going to work on that attic tomorrow and that is very exciting. Well, no. I am not excited by it right now, but I am looking forward to it.
I am, you could say, ready for the weekend. Like this other Rick Webb:
That was too good of a gag to pass up but now I gotta write more to put some separation in here between that Youtube link and the traditional edition-ending photo of my daughter. Who wouldn’t brush her hair in the car this morning. But still. What an amazing kid.
Gonna do a moody and quiet playlist today. Starts off with Sharon Van Etten and that is fitting because I am working my way through a Twin Peaks The Return re-watch and they end each episode with a band playing at the roadhouse and I forgot that Sharon Van Etten was in there because I did not know her work back then. It was great. Those live performances are great. RIP Michael Hurley. Love the new quickly, quickly album. Gave the new Pink Dots a listen since he’s coming to town soonish and he is remarkably consistent across decades it is crazy. The new Lana singles are… okay? Do not yet seem to have that NFR magic. We remain optimistic. And I found the one mellow Gang of Four song to put on here because I am a moody goth and my whole thing for decades has been finding the saddest, slowest song by any band. A Dream of Love by Ultra Vivid Scene. Wild Blue Seas by Single Gun Theory. No Distance Left to Run by Blur. Etc.
Oh shit I wrote this whole thing and forgot to write about Apple, since read the whole hilarious, amazing recent court decision that basically called them criminals it was just marvelous. And by Monday it’ll be old news. Crap. Oh well. Sorry about that.
—
Thanks for reading.
And hey! Maybe buy one of my books!
Good Morning, Hello, How Are You vol 1.