Good Morning. Hello. How are you? #1387
Walmart has sensory-reduced hours now. Ned's Atomic Dustbin, the silent petty wars that bookkeepers wage behind their executives backs, a question about 12-pack placement
Good morning, hello, how are you, goodmorningians? Welcome to Friday, that is nice. I have it off. I have the next 11 days off. Using up most of my left over vacation time. And I love thanksgiving, so I am going to draw it out, savor it like a thanksgiving turkey. Should “thanksgiving” be capitalized? Probably, but I am trying to break a habit of over-capitalizing, so no capital for you, beloved holiday.
Some housekeeping items: I forgot the link to the Rawwwwwwk playlist yesterday. Sorry about that. Here it is.
Reader Mike asked for a link to the Chinese iPhone case. I thought I put that in the text too but maybe not. Here it is. Still loving the case. Yesterday I used clear nail polish to epoxy over the cracks on the glass of my phone and now it looks very cyberpunk and I like it very much.
We are listening to Ned’s Atomic Dustbin this morning, vinyl re-issue of their classic God Fodder that I bought a couple months ago. Vastly underratedband, Ned’s. Saw them live on this tour, the double-bass work was just amazing. And, of course, this album has two full-on, perfect, timeless classics in the form of “Kill your Television” and “Grey Cell Green.” Don’t sleep on “Cut up.” There is also an awesome string quartet version of “Cut Up,” the Tartan Shoulders mix, that I have always loved. “Happy,” is pretty solid too. Working my way through re-listens of the vinyl purchases from the last few months. Gave Nick Cave’s Wild God another spin yesterday: really like the last song. Also got to listen to recent vinyl purchases from Virginia Astley (spent forever looking for that one) and Biff Bang Pow! yesterday (finally completed the vinyl collection very chuffed).
Just back from Walmart and big news, both wonderful and sad: they have reduced-sensory-stimulation hours now, 8-10 every day, the sign said. That is fucking awesome. It was great. Except, of course, as an armchair analyst of Walmart, I am academically, personally disappointed that I cannot listen to Walmart Radio while shoppping anymore, but I support this decision and, I have to admit, it was pretty awesome shopping not just with no people, but with no sound. My kind of shopping experience.
They were out of their organic butter, very sad. But they did have Emma’s cereal, which is still very hard to find after coming to the end of a six-month-plus recall. I have checked Food Lion, Harris Teeter, and Lowe’s Foods for it this week, and none of them have it back in stock yet.
Currently, as of last week, they are now storing the Zevia soda in two different aisles. I don’t know what’s up with this. Weirder, one aisle is missing the classic root beer, having switched it out for a variety pack? What is going to happen, my god, it is too stressful.
Hey speaking of sodas, question for you. Or, I guess, you weirdos who drink seltzer. When you store a 12-pack in the fridge (or 8-pack ahem shrinkflation or even boxed 6-pack), do you store it so the cans stand upright, or do you make use of the weird box features to have a can-rolling distribution system, with the cans on their side? I am absolute maniac for one of these two approaches but I am suddenly convinced I’m the only one who does it this way.
Oh hey let’s try Buttondown polls. Oh god this is a lot more complex than Substack. Uh oh. Well, let’s give it a go.
… crap I do not seem to have surveys. Maybe it’s, like, a more-paid feature. That is disappointing. Anyway, let me know: cans upright or cans on their side?
Important Orajel news: you can get 2x or 3x but not 1x. The x does not stand for amount of an active ingredient, like 10mg vs 15. No no, it stands for number of separate active ingredients. Also they have a 2x cold sore version in red and a 2x toothache version that have the exact same ingredients, so I don’t know what the fuck is going on there. Also their 14 gauge extension cords only come in bright colors, very sad for goths who need heavy duty power delivery extension solutions.
Was making a payment to a vendor for the pool company yesterday, and on the invoice, they said “you can mail us a check or use this portal solution.” I checked looked in my records to see if I had ACH info for them, no go. Then I looked up how I paid them last time and I found this note from my past self: “You paid them via their lame-ass portal last time and the service fee was 6% don’t do that again.” This company bills in the 5-figure range, a 6% service fee is insane. So I email them and they write this email back:
Fuckin’ bold, and red, and underlined. Just amazing. I tried to do that in Buttondown, but it would not let me do all three at once.
Now, there is a universal rule in bookkeeping: the payor gets to be the bureaucratic asshole, not the payee. I would be well within my rights to say to this person: “vendors are only paid after filling out a purchase order and delivering a notarized invoice signed by the procurer” or some other absolutely stupid-ass bullshit that companies make up to get paid. But you do not get to make up stupid rules when you’re the one getting paid!
I wrote back saying that this email was our official request form. Nope, not good enough.
I make a Google form just for this woman. No! Can’t have that! Now it also has to be a PDF or a DOC! Which is, of course, potentially in conflict with the original rule that the thing has to be on an official form.
So I have to make a fucking PDF for this woman, just so end her $12,000. It is so stupid. I am so angry. It was so hard to not be snarky in the emails.
Accounting is so weird it’s just this worldwide battle of petty wills all waging stupid OCD bureaucratic warfare against one another, utterly detached from the goings-on of the executives, who might get along swimmingly. It is strongly implied in accounting that you do not escalate your petty battles with other companies to the executive level unless it is really, really important. And, of course, executives don’t want to hear about this shit. No executive wants to listen to their bookkeeper go “well they wanted an official pdf and we don’t do that…” or whatever. All the silent, petty battles have to stay underwater. Like submarine warfare. The non-nuclear kind. You know, subs hunting one another because of, like, a dent in the propeller shaft making a slight rumble in the wake that a sonar can pick up. This metaphor is not perfect because presumably an admiral cares very much if they lose an SS-774 Virginia-class fast attack sub also this metaphor is going on too long.
But of course this woman does not know that I am an executive. I am a partner and the bookkeeper. I could keep this pettiness going all day long and there is no one to get me in trouble. I could just not pay them!
I want you to know, reader, that I exhibited more class than that. I made her a PDF. I even mate it a Form-capable PDF with actual editable text-entry fields. I am a fucking prince.
Jane was early downstairs and into the truck (it was pj’s day, she was excited. So excited she forgot her stuffy which is kind of sad). We were so early she could do the whole loiter at the door and wait for it to open — a privilege reserved only for those in the first 15 or so cars. Just vibrating with energy to go to school. Fantastic. She made a new friend at the playground yesterday, those two really hit it off. Doing time trials on the monkey bars, making me use a stopwatch and everything. That girl was fast, but content to be a Jane follower so Jane could boss around which is one of her favorite things, born manager, not great but we will help her along on that path, kinda like Dexter’s dad.
We were at the burger place for Dinner and Jane was doing her usual seat fidgeting in the booth. And a family sat down at the next booth and we had to remind her to not bug them, and the guy was wearing a Special Forces hat, and I said “yeah that guy’s wearing a Special Forces hat he’ll mess you up.”
And the guy heard me and glared at me.
Whoops.
Got a Punk(ish) playlist for you today. Not gonna do the whole screenshot thing because it’s too long to really fit on the screen to screenshot, so here is a link.We got some classics like the Hated (box set on Numero group coming soon!), Fugazi, Virgin Prunes, Rocket from the Crypt, anfd a lot of excellent new stuff like Mannequin Pussy man unfortunate name but they are so, so good. Fidlar, Party Dozen, Jesus Lizard, High Vis, the fantastic new Fucked Up. Good stuff. Two days of upbeat music in a row it’s almost like my depression is in check or something.
Have a lovely weekend. Next week I am off from work and I have NO IDEA how much I will write in here. We shall see. We shall see!
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Thanks for reading.
And hey! Maybe buy one of my books!
Good Morning, Hello, How Are You vol 1.
I wish I could like comments here because I'd like Allison's above. 😀
Thanks for the link to the phone case. I was going to ask about it yesterday but got distracted and forgot.
As for the cans, it depends on how much room I have in my garage refrigerator. Upright is generally my default but sometimes I get curious about putting it sideways and using inertia to deliver the can. But I'm clumsy so most of the time they roll out and then I'm afraid to open the can and get sprayed.
Have a lovely several days off.
Cans upright. The sideways dispenser method is not 100% successful, and that’s a long way for a can to fall.
And I’m seething about the accounting lady! Maybe she really loves going to the bank to deposit physical checks. Maybe it’s her only real job function, and she knows if everyone remits by ACH it’ll be clear she’s useless so she goes out of her way to make it hard and that ALSO makes her look busy.
I like your Buttondown change, except I had to work to find the link to get here to comment, whereas Substack emails make it impossible to not accidentally open Substack if I tap any part of it. Now, I need you to complete a PDF, send a PNG of two pennies, and compose a brief jingle to pay me for my two cents.