Honestly…
So, I have ADHD. I also have a drive to do awesome things and achieve big things. It feels great to finish big projects and amaze people and push myself. I’ve developed coping mechanisms and ways to use my AHDH to my advantage. I’ve learned how handle procrastination and shiny object syndrome. I’ve learned how to be productive. But I’m not always successful. And the urge to start something new never goes away. In fact, I’m constantly wanting to try something new—maybe even multiple times a day. I’m painfully aware of how often me starting something new comes at the expense of not finishing something else.
So when I feel the need to try something else—another tool, technique, style—I normally push through and try to ignore the impulse. But then there are times when it’s not just the ADHD that’s prompting me to do something new.
Over the past year I’ve developed a recognisable style—it’s this Doodleverse style—but to keep on creating in that style has become a burden. I realised this on Tuesday when I decided to create a fun animation for an NFT project instead of working on another piece in my Dreamlings series. I’ve also been creating generative art using Processing and have had so much fun with it—because it’s different. Like, it’s mathematical! And when I get an algorithm right I can create hundreds of variations within minutes. And today I’m feeling lighter and happier and inspired to create using my Doodleverse style again—and to play and experiment with a bunch of other styles and techniques.
I feel alive after feeling bored and heavy and burdened.
And it’s because I was honest with myself. I took action (doing new things) on a feeling I had (burden and boredom) and discovered it wasn’t my regular ADHD doing its thing. Even though my ADHD shiny object syndrome alarm bells were going off, I didn’t push through, I didn’t force myself. I took a break. I acknowledged my weakness. And it revived me.
This is an aspect of me being authentic. Listening to my body, my heart, what I can do, what I can’t do. It’s me acknowledging how I’m feeling and digging deeper into it.
I don’t have to be the best I can be all the time. I can be weak. I can feel tired. I can feel frustrated. I’m allowed to feel bored and burdened. I can do something that lightens the load, that’s fun, that makes me laugh. I don’t have to keep pushing through. And, yes, it is an immense privilege to be able to switch and do something else. I appreciate that.
But what I’ve learned in the past 2–3 weeks is that I’m human. I’m not a machine. I’m not AI. I’m not a team. I have feelings and failings and weaknesses. I can’t go on indefinitely. I need some fresh air. I need inspiration. I need to play and experiment. I’ve also learned that not everything is forever. There is hope on the other side. Sometimes all I need is a break. Or a good laugh. Or 2 weeks in bed and on the couch recovering from sickness.
News from me:
I’m live streaming on Tuesday from 1pm UTC (since the time change) on YouTube.
Dreamheadz, my 1001 piece NFT project, is still minting—it’s at 602/1001. I’ve also dropped a piece of art to all holders today!
I’ve been creating generative art using Processing. The first 7 pieces in my new collection “Genny” are up, sold, and in new collectors’ hands. I’ll be releasing a few new pieces every week.
❤️ Big loves
Rich from TapTapKaboom