Is "do it anyway, do it scared" a good idea?
Hi friends,
Perhaps you've seen the inspirational meme that says something like "if you can't get over your fear, do it scared." But how do we know if pushing through a feeling is worthwhile or harmful?
I've spent some time interrogating my fear, and for me, when I look closer, fear divides into three distinct emotions.
If I'm scared, but also looking forward to something, or also feel some curiosity or enjoyment, that's excitement. Excitement has a large overlap physically with scared. This is the kind of scared that might make sense to push through and go on that trip or talk to that person or start that business.
If I'm scared, but also feel like my body is shutting down, and the feeling continues to get worse, that's dread. I do not believe dread should be pushed through. It's best to back away from the direction that is causing dread and not do the thing. If that's not possible (for example, you dread cleaning your kitchen but the repair person is coming tomorrow), ask for help or talk yourself into doing the tiniest step at a time.
If I'm scared, but my whole body is tense and I can't focus on anything for more than a minute, that's anxiety. It seems better to treat the anxiety instead of pushing through it. Food, water, stretching, outdoor time, chill video games, or medications can be appropriate steps if you're scared but anxious. Starting a new venture when you're overwhelmingly anxious is probably going to be more difficult than it's worth.
As a martial artist, I spend a lot of time considering what pain is beneficial or harmless vs. what pain causes damage. If you're familiar with the feeling of a good stretch, that's a great example of beneficial pain. Not too much pain, and a more relaxed feeling afterwards. I like applying a similar metric to working through my fear. Stretching myself can be good; causing damage is not.
What I'm reading this week: Nic Antoinette's Wild Letters newsletter. This essay on what makes a home was especially beautiful and relevant to anyone who doesn't feel grounded in one particular place.
What makes a home? - by Nic Antoinette - Wild Letters
reflections on belonging
On my blog this week:
Amplify Respect | Rey Katz (they/them) | Substack
You are welcome here if you're LGBTQ+, an ally, or just curious about a nonbinary writer's experience. I share relatable weekly true stories about what it's like to be trans and nonbinary, hiking, travel, martial arts, and building community! Click to read Amplify Respect, by Rey Katz (they/them), a Substack publication with hundreds of subscribers.
Take care,
Rey