Apology for the last newsletter
This is an apology to Black readers of my newsletter for my recent post about Beyoncé. I have removed the blog post and the excerpt text in the caption of the Instagram post, but left the IG image up so that the critical comments there can still be read. Thank you to those who spoke up.
In the essay, I fantasized about Beyoncé's third album being a 90s style rap album. My intention was to celebrate rap as every bit as sacred as country, and to imagine what it would look like for her to bring the history and talent of women in rap to a male-dominated genre in the same brilliant way she brought up the history and talent of Black musicians in country music with Cowboy Carter. I am a firm believer that impact matters more than intention, and just because it felt like an expression of love to me doesn't mean that it wasn't racist.
It came across as though I was saying Beyoncé should go back to what's considered "Black" music. That is not how I feel at all, but I absolutely should have had the discernment to know that any white fantasy of what a Black person "should" be doing is racist and not empowering or celebratory at all.
Ultimately my essay was critical of the album, because I would always rather hear people say "Fight the Power" and "Fuck Tha Police" than "God Bless America" or "Make America Great Again," no matter who they are. But that was not my criticism to make; I should have stayed in my lane. It was also way out of line for me to express it in the way that I did, and I cannot say that I'm "still learning;" I should have known that what I said was inappropriate coming as it was through a white gaze.
I see why it was hurtful, and I'm looking at what it was within me that caused such a lapse in judgment so that it won't happen again. I am truly sorry for the pain I caused, and I understand that there will be those who don't feel I deserve any second chances. It was a breach of trust, and I take that seriously.
For white readers, I hope you know that this apology is not for you to accept, affirm or applaud. Please refrain from commenting. When white people comment on posts like this, it sends the message that the goal is to make ourselves feel better, and that is not the goal. I don't want to feel better, I want to do better. I feel embarrassed, but even more, I feel regretful for hurting people I care about, and I should; that's not to be bypassed or assuaged.