Mid point
…As the kids say, this summer is mid.
Dear Friends,
Well, here we are. It’s an absurd reality that is filled with horrors and joy. I am doing baseline, meaning in my little corner of Maynard, things are good. We have a garden for the first time ever. I shriek when I see a bluebird or a baby plover. Our backyard has some Disney shit happening when there are multiple bunnies, a chipmunk, a few squirrels, and a passel of birds all eating bird seed and clover. Last night I came home to a baby skunk waddling around my deck.
And there is joy in going to Crane beach and bracing the cold water to feel the sun on our backs. To eat messy ice cream in the saltwater marshes. To read and to laugh and to do so many crosswords.
We sat in our backyard and had a fire and watched the stars and some of us got eaten by a lot of bugs.
We even celebrated the fourth with friends and good conversation, distancing my brain from the absurdity of the holiday given everything.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t spiral into the horrors happening.
We’re such a big country and we can easily feel detached from what’s happening in Palestine, in LA, or in Texas, or even a state over. It feels like there has been a huge 8.0 earthquake and now the tsunami warnings and we’re just waiting for the onslaught. Some of you have already been pulled under and I hate it.
Maybe this is why I dream of sharks all the time – not because I’m scared of actual sharks – but that they represent a lurking danger, something that I can’t see, somewhere below the surface. And I know it could be close – but I don’t know if it’s an inch or a yard.
Rationally I know I can not impact what’s happening on the ground in LA, or help with the floods, or even New York City’s elite’s vitriol against Zohran Mamdani (except maybe donate…). I can’t whip these folks into shape.
I can be involved in my community and I can start doing outreach with neighbors to learn more about them and who they are and what we can offer each other if needed. We have been in isolation for so long, from the pandemic to this fear of a nazi next door, and I’m hoping it will help to chat with strangers.
It’s definitely not an easy thing for me to do. Talk off the cuff with people I don’t know. It’s going to be awkward and a little painful, but in light of everything I have just talked about, I have to do it.
***
Using my unemployment time to recover and rest. As well as cleaning up and organizing things in our house – we still have stuff, well stuffed into places, because we didn’t know where to put it when we moved. I pulled a box out from under my dresser and found my zine collection (from other people). I decided that I needed to archive them, so that there is a digital record. Most of them are 23 years old. I’m certain that some of the zinesters are now published authors or designers, due to the quality of the work way back when.
Once I have a list of all that I have acquired, I hope to do something with them. Host an exhibit? Do an anthology with all the writers (then/now)?
I know for one thing it makes me long for kinkos and my exacto blade, rubber cement and a paper cutter. Pens and papers and tape. It was such a tactile endeavor and now I type into my computer and hit send.
****
There is still room and I mean a lot of room in the two classes I have coming up:
***
Full moon last night. I spent some time thinking about what I have accomplished over the last six months and what I hope to achieve in the next six months.
These achievements seem small, though I am sure they will have bigger ripples in time:
Manuscript finished (almost), a new manuscript started, one poem published, another accepted for publication. ASOC and the community connections it has given me - library, Maynard Dems, garden club, along with the support and solace I need during the week. Nourishing friends who have autism who can chat with me about this reality. Learning more about myself and making changes to how I face challenges. All the TNC events we have hosted and will host, along with the classes that bring learning to new people. Lifting arm weights to have strength to punch nazis. A new garden complete with blooming daisies, marigolds, and almost zinnias. Sunflowers tk.
Going forward I am going to remember to drink water and rest. I will find a job and keep tending the garden. Plan for safety and plan for fun. See more birds.
Help my family and friends when they need it. The macro is so intense that when something happens on the micro level, there is no respite, no space to heal. That’s when it gets suffocating and we need each other the most.
***
“Know your opponent, know your surroundings, know yourself.” The tenet practiced by the women in Rules for Ruin.
***
Thanks for listening. Send me your stories or news or let me know if your baseline is ok. Connection will carry us through this.
XOX
Becca
P.S. If you know someone who be interested in reading, please forward this email to them.