Bend in the Middle
Jeremy Dion’s upcoming album Bend in the Middle is out today. Dion describes the album as “folk therapy for late bloomers.” In this essay, Dion tells us about coming out late in life and struggling to overcome decades of internalized homophobia to perform his music at Folk Alliance International. You can read the full essay on our Patreon. It will be published in the spring 2025 issue of Rainbow Rodeo.
For the first time ever, I played the Rainbow Room at the Folk Alliance International this year.
Performing as an openly gay man might not seem like a big deal for a professional musician and therapist, but it is to me. After years of self work and acceptance, being out as queer in public still makes me really uncomfortable. So I avoided it. Until now.
For context, I’m gay, but I didn’t come out of the closet until my late 30’s. And it wasn’t like I spent those prior decades knowing I was gay but choosing to hide it. At least consciously. I truly, deeply believed that I was straight, or at least “straight enough” to make it all work. I really, desperately wanted to make it all work. So I married Lisa, fathered a child, and had many reasons to think my path was sustainable, mostly because it needed to be. I grew up knowing that being gay, especially for a boy, was the very worst possible thing a boy could be. The very worst. Even lower than drug addicts (they can’t help it) and murderers (same reasoning). I couldn’t be that.
This internal struggle made playing a few songs in the Rainbow Room at once the most comfortable and safe I have ever felt, while also the most uncomfortable and awkward. During my set, I actually shared the true story behind the same-sex heartbreak that led to my song “Evangeline.” I sang to a crowd who understood my journey before I even opened my mouth to sing. That was liberating in ways that I’m still coming to understand and appreciate.
But it also made me beyond uncomfortable to see my name on that Rainbow Room poster. Look, everybody! It’s Jeremy Dion, in vibrant rainbow colors, playing the queer room with all the other gays. Writing that now brings tears to my eyes and conjures old memories of all the times I heard “fag” or “faggot” or “homo” or “Nancy” or similar terms used towards me, by me, or near me. It all lands the same. And now everyone is going to know. They can see my name on that poster. And here I am writing about it. And sharing it. Gulp.
Here’s the thing, people: gay, bi, straight, whatever, we all share many things in common. One important one is that we all got messages that there are parts about us and our personalities that “don’t fit” the mold. We are too this, too that, too much, whatever. And many of us come to believe that garbage about ourselves, at least temporarily. I see it in my therapy practice all the time. Yet somehow it took me decades to face my own turmoil.
It’s this eventual realization and acceptance of my own unloved parts that prompted me to write my latest release, “Bend in the Middle,” and the album as a whole, by the same name. So let’s do it. Let’s all learn to Bend in the Middle, to feel all our feelings, and embrace who we truly are. For me, I’ve come to learn that means letting my glorious rainbow shine, even when it’s difficult.
For you, the time is now. Whatever you were told is unloveable, feel your feelings. Love who you truly are. You’re so much more beautiful than you’ve been taught.
Bend in the Middle is out now. You can read the full essay here.
Rainbow Roundup
I just took on a whole new set of responsibilites at work — namely, co-managing a $10,000 grant from New York City Council to foster LGBTQ+ campus life at my day job. Didn’t think I’d be a professional gay but — here we are! And here are some news items I didn’t include last week.
them. asks: what makes Southern drag “Southern drag”?
American Songwriter profiled trans cowpunk artist Shawna Virago
Will Groff attended a Jason Aldean concert so we don’t have to — and explored how “Try That in a Small Town” has mutated into a grotesque cultural touchstone for Rolling Stone
For WNXP, Jewly Hight profiles the Equal Access Initiative in Nashville, which mentors marginalized country artists and helps them understand how Music Row works. Chris Housman is in this year’s class, and Denitia and Angie K were in last year’s program.
Chris Housman dropped a new music video for “Blueneck”
Back a new queer bookstore in Brooklyn on Kickstarter!
The Country Queers podcast just released a loving oral history of the queer south. Check out the book tour!
I spent the weekend watching Flamy Grant’s new album CHURCH hit the top 10 in the iTunes country music charts. Do you like Flamy? You might wanna subscribe to the Rainbow Rodeo podcast. Just saying.
Watch Willie Nelson and Orville Peck share the stage to sing “Cowboys Are Frequently” etc. Last month, contributor Felipe Oliveira questioned if it’s really the queer country anthem we should cling to.
Events
10/19 (Philadelphia) — Baby’s First Rodeo is back at Johnny Brenda’s with the Bootstrap Boys and lesbian house band Fist City featuring Sam Rise and Brittany Ann Tranbaugh.
10/17 - 10/20 (Texas) — Mary Gauthier, Jaimee Harris, and Carrie Rodriguez launch their Three Women & The Truth tour
Artist Resources
What's a premiere and how do you pitch it?
Got a release coming up? Add it to Country Everywhere’s newsletter! Country Everywhere is a directory of artists and news for queer, BIPOC, and disabled artists.
With Bandcamp changing hands and union busting, here are some alternative resources for selling your music online
Are you on BlueSky? Queer country artist 2 AM Wake Up Call created this feed of musicians. You can ask them to be added to the feed!
I also made a Y’alltertanative Feed on Bluesky. Let me know if you’d like your posts to appear on the feed!
We Are Moving the Needle is looking for women and non-binary audio engineers and music producers
Eli Conley is teaching Unlock the Song Inside: Beginning Songwriting Class for Queer & Trans Folks & Allies, and he also offers an online LGBTQ+ songwriter circle!
Are you on Mastodon or another part of the Fediverse? Get your music on RadioFreeFedi!
PS — If you’re thinking of joining Mastodon, make an account on musician.social and read my tips for making Mastodon work for you!
Submit your music and events to The Q LGBTQ Creative Network
This Twitter thread has a whole list of places to find jobs in the music industry
And here’s a list of resources for “women” entering the music industry — presumably they also encourage nonbinary participants
Submit your profile to the Country Everywhere which seeks to unite BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and disabled artists and professionals
Sign up to the Black Opry Revue’s interest form!
Check out the weekly Queerfolk Fest show in Nashville