Thirtieth Issue: Fearsome Critters

In my adventures on Wikipedia, a few years ago I came across a page called ‘Fearsome Critters’. These are cryptids (creatures whose existence cannot or has not been proven) are known from early lumberjack folklore to populate the wilderness of North America. Their stories were passed around in stories shared in lumber camps just at the beginning of the 20^th century. Sometimes they were told to pass time and sometimes they were told as jokes to confuse newbies. Scary stories told around the campfire, basically. Some of these animals were used as explanations or warnings for unexplained phenomena around the camp but others were similar to actual animals. Usually they are just silly. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Agropelter: This animal lives in the trees and throws twigs and tree branches as people. They say it has a "slender, wirely body, the villainous face of an ape, and arms like muscular whiplashes, with which it can snap off dead branches and hurl them through the air like shells from a six inch gun.” It eats woodpeckers and owls and rotten wood. Whenever someone died from a branch falling on them, the agropelter was blamed.  Agropelter sounds like an aggressive pelter. I like that.
• Axehandle Hound: This dog eats axe handles that are left around…and he looks like one too!

• Cactus Cat: This cat is from the southwest United States, and was basically a bobcat with long spines on its legs. It would use the spines to cut open cacti and then come back and drink the fermented cactus juice and get drunk. It would shriek throughout the night and kill any other animals that crossed its path. During the day it would sleep inside a cactus to avoid the heat.
• Dungavenhooter: A crocodile without a mouth. It had huge nostrils and would use its tail to beat people into not liquid, but GAS, and then breathe that in as food.
• Glawackus: A panther/lion/bear combination. It was known for its scream that sounded like a hyena. It was blind and used scent and hearing to find its prey. If you looked into its eyes you would lose your memory. It was seen in 1939 and also in 2015 in Glastonbury, Connecticut, where it was named Gla(stonbury)wack(wacky)us(a Latin ending).
• Gumberoo: A hairless bear that is invulnerable to everything except fire, which makes it explode.
• Hidebehind: This creature hides behind something and sucks in its stomach so it becomes thin and can hide behind a tree. It strikes without warning and drags its prey back and eats it. It doesn’t like alcohol, so I guess if you drink a lot you’re fine.

• Hodag: Known in the Wisconsin swamps for its maniacal grin, horns, and spikes.

• Jackalope:  This is a jackrabbit plus antelope, even though a jackrabbit isn’t a rabbit and a pronghorn isn’t an antelope. It’s a bunny with horns and was probably inspired by rabbits that suffer from horn looking tumors sometimes. There are various stories about where it came from, one being that a guy in Wyoming tossed a rabbit carcass into a taxidermy store and it fell on top of some antlers and he was like EUREKA! He sold it for ten dollars to a local hotel that put it on display and it became a tourist attraction. You can get a Jackalope Hunting License that is good for hunting on official jackalope season – June 31^st from midnight to 2am.
• Jersey Devil: The Jersey Devil came from a woman named Mother Leeds. She had twelve kids and when she was pregnant for the thirteenth time she cursed the child. On a stormy night she gave birth and the kid came out a creature with “hooves, a goat’s head, bat wings, and a forked tail”. It kills livestock around New Jersey, and was called the Leeds Devil until the 1900s. The most famous Jersey Devil sightings took place in the third week of January in 1909 when hundreds of sightings were reported in newspapers. “Among alleged encounters publicized that week were claims the creature "attacked" a trolley car in Haddon Heights and a social club in Camden. Police in Camden and Bristol, Pennsylvania supposedly fired on the creature to no effect. Other reports initially concerned unidentified footprints in the snow, but soon sightings of creatures resembling the Jersey Devil were being reported throughout South Jersey and as far away as Delaware and Western Maryland. The widespread newspaper coverage created fear throughout the Delaware Valley prompting a number of schools to close and workers to stay home. Vigilante groups and groups of hunters roamed the pines and countrysides in search of the devil. During this period, it is rumored that the Philadelphia Zoo posted a $10,000 reward for the creature. The offer prompted a variety of hoaxes, including a kangaroo with artificial wings.”
• Rumtifusel: This is a creature that looks like a fur coat. When you pick it up and put it on it envelopes you and eats you alive.
• Sidehill gougers: These animals have legs on one side of their body shorter than the legs on the other side of their body, which helps them walk on hillsides. However they can only go in one direction. They are also known by the names: “Sidehill Ousel, Sidehill Loper, Gyascutus, Sidewinder, Wampus, Gudaphro, Hunkus, Rickaboo Racker, Prock, Gwinter, or Cutter Cuss”. When a clockwise sidehill gouger meets a counter-clockwise one, they have to fight to the death because they can each only go in one direction. They came to the west from New England, by two of them holding on to each other with their longer legs on the outer sides like “a pair of drunks going home from town”. A fun mental image.

• Skunk ape: These are basically Floridian Bigfoots, except they stink. There’s a Florida joke to be made here but I’ll refrain.
• Snallygaster: Snallygasters were originally called Schneller Geists, which means quick ghost in german. They are half-reptile, and half-bird, with a metal beak with sharp teeth. Sometimes they have tentacles and sometimes they suck blood of their victims. Snallygasters come down from the sky silently to pick up and carry away humans. Seven-pointed stars keep snallygasters at bay. One newspaper account in 1909 said there were : “encounters between local residents and a beast with "enormous wings, a long pointed bill, claws like steel hooks, and an eye in the center of its forehead." It was described as making screeches "like a locomotive whistle." The Snallygaster has only one enemy and it is the Dewayo. Dewayos are basically werewolves, and they have supposedly fought for centuries in Middletown, Maryland. Personally I would someday like to write a humorous but poignant enemies-to-lovers story about a Snallygaster and a Dewayo. I’ll have to go to Middletown, Maryland and ask around for research.
• Snipe: My parents always told me about snipe hunting. A snipe is a real bird, but a snipe hunt is a practical joke, and basically a wild goose chase. Just thought you should know if you didn’t already.
• Splintercat: This animal is from the Pacific Northwest and he is very fast and hard headed so he smashes into large trees and knocks off the branches. Live your life, I guess.
• Squonk: The squonk is a very sad creature. It refuses to hang out with anyone or anything else and if you look at it, it will just dissolve into tears. A friendless Eeyore.

• Teakettler: A little rat-like creature that makes a noise like a tea kettle.
• Tripodero: An animal with two telescopic legs and a tail for balance. It elevates when it sees prey and shoots clay bullets from its mouth.
• Wampus cat: A big panther that is a sign of death when you hear its call.
• Whirling Whimpus: I love this one a lot so I’ll just copy the description from Wikipedia: “a creature that spins so fast that it becomes invisible and creates a droning sound, luring animals and passerby to be reduced to treacle by its paddle-like arms”.
• Fur-bearing trout: Fish that grow fur in the winter. This is found in North America and Iceland, from the 17^th century onwards. Many of the examples shown around are just trout with white rabbit fur attached to it, but there are a couple of hair-like growths that can infect fish and make them look like they have fur. There is a fun tall tale that “hairy trout were the result of two bottles or four jugs of spilled hair tonic. To catch hairy trout, fisherman would act as barbers and lure fish from the waters with the offer of a free trim or shave”.

•  Hoop snake: This snake bites its own tail so it can roll like a wheel, like the ouroboros or Tsuchinoko (from Greek and Japanese legend respectively).

That’s all I’ve got for now! I think my next newsletter is going to be a little bit more dark and depressing so I wanted this one to be fun in case you decide to skip that one or need more of a balance. Thanks for reading!