Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 6/26-7/2
Town Announcements
White dust is not deadly
We have received a great number of queries regarding the "white dust" that has been spreading across town these last few weeks. In my role as Senior Researcher at the University of Ohio Extension Experimental Crop Station, and also as a resident and parent in Question Mark, I would like to assure you that this "white dust" is in fact fungal spores and is completely within normal parameters. Though it is best to try not to breathe them in directly. A proper-fitting N95 or KN95 mask is recommended.
As many of you already know, Armillaria Quaestio, a fascinating fungal specimen, has resided in the Question Mark Woods for several thousand years and is undergoing an unusually active spore cycle this season.
Additionally, the purple lights in the woods that many of you have reported are also totally normal and are a function of A. Quaestio’s bioluminescence. Our fungal neighbor is truly a fascinating creature and, if you have additional interest in this remarkable specimen, I would direct you to my research at the Theil Fungal Association's Institute for Mycelial Networks, which has generously underwritten future study of Armillaria Quaestio.
Posted by Dr. George Yakamoto, Senior Researcher, Experimental Crop Station on June 28, 2023
All-Ages Talent Show Marred by Morning Tragedy
Last night I was asked to judge the All-Ages Talent Show, the traditional kickoff to our Fourth of July festivities, and it was an evening of exciting—though somewhat off-putting—wonder. I witnessed many hard-working town citizens trying their best, playing nose-horns, doing gymnastics, singing, skipping rope. To be honest, no one was awful but no one was exactly what you might call "world-class material."
First-place went to Mimi Stevens for her recitation of Reginald Willey’s Founder’s Day Speech, which while stirring, I wonder who would have won had Miss Mozart not been, unfortunately, missing. The Question Mark Police Department is still looking for that talented cat.
I wish that this simple report on a Question Mark tradition could have been the sum total of my announcement. However something tragic has happened in the night.
At approximately 0645 this morning, it was discovered that the Department of Streets and Sanitation maintenance and storage shed has, once again, been vandalized. While the regular vandalization of town assets by miscreants is unfortunate, it is predictable. However, this was not the act of simple vandals but a theft as well:
The town's fireworks for our celebration on Tuesday have been stolen. Every last one. Even the sparklers the Question Mark Fire Department was going to hand out to children.
If you have any information regarding this incident, please contact QMPD immediately at (740) 647-4807 extension 1. You are jeopardizing the joy and happiness of the entire community.
Please return the fireworks at once and all charges will be dropped.
Posted by Gus Holt, Question Mark Chief of Police on July 1, 2023
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Community Notes
There are times when all of us have to learn to accept our fates and humble ourselves before history, even if that means swallowing your pride. And I am facing one such moment.
As you may have heard, some gang of miscreants and/or vandals have absconded with this year’s supply of fireworks for the town’s Fourth of July celebration tomorrow night. Let it be known these were high-quality fireworks of the finest grade, guaranteed to return all of us to a state of nostalgic, childhood wonder.
What these awful people plan to do with these fireworks is beyond me. But now I am forced to either cancel the fireworks display tomorrow or beg surrounding towns for donations of their left-over, low-grade, or uninteresting fireworks.
Which I have.
I am pleased, or not-so-very-pleased, to announce the fireworks display will go on as planned but only with the most mediocre and otherwise-unwanted fireworks from nearby Marietta, whose citizens, I am certain, would never stoop so low as to ruin an entire public holiday for other people. In doing so, I am afraid I have revealed our weakness as a community to the rest of southeastern Ohio and for this I am eternally sorry.
To that end, I found this year’s “Color Our Mayor” contest extremely disappointing. Considering how much I have given of myself and how much I have been willing to sacrifice to continually improve this town, I found this year’s entries to be lacking in imagination, inventiveness, and execution. There will be no winner this year. Mei Parsons, I found your sense of humor particularly appalling. I do not have green eyes, a forked tongue, nor a tail.
I hope you all find a way to enjoy a very middling holiday, and God Bless America.
Mayor Elizabeth Zisk
Crime Reports
July 1
6:45 a.m. — East Avenue and 4th Street. Vandalism, theft. Town fireworks stolen from Department of Streets and Sanitation maintenance and storage shed. Britt Warner, 27, a Department of Streets and Sanitation worker, reported theft. Officer Ron Dublowski reported to scene.
June 27
12:00 p.m. — Grant Avenue and 20th Street, missing lawn statue. A Question Mark woman, 55, reported one of their lawn statues, shaped like a deer, had disappeared. Officer B. Lindholm reported to scene.
Remember: To report a crime, call our tip line at (740) 647-4807 extension one.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
July 4 | Question Mark Town Parade and Fireworks. Parade 5pm, Fireworks 9:30pm
Town Square
July 8 | Thomas Edison Young Inventors Competition. Celebrate the birthday of Ohio's own Thomas Edison with your own invention. No flames. Ages 5-13. 12pm
Question Mark Public Library
July 16 | The Eastwood Circle Ladies Auxiliary presents the Eastwood Flower and Garden Walk. 12pm-5pm, Eastwood Circle residents. 11am-11:45am non-residents. Leave promptly.
Eastwood Circle
Don't forget about Story Time, every Friday at 10am at the Question Mark Public Library.
Also, this summer join us at the Town Square for Summer at the Square: farmers market, music, and more! Saturdays June 17-September 16, 10am-2pm
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
Our mayor Elizabeth Zisk is the longest-serving public official in Question Mark History! She was elected in 1998 after a tragic accident took her husband, but don’t worry, this story had a happy ending for all of us in Question Mark! Thanks Mayor Zisk!