Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 4/8 - 4/14
Town Announcements
Possible homicide, bodies missing from cemetery after eclipse
As Question Mark’s only dignified and yet exceedingly affordable cemetery, it brings me great displeasure to report that several burial plots at St. Casimir's were disinterred sometime during today’s solar eclipse and that cemetery groundskeeper Barney Towns was also discovered brutally slain on the cemetery’s hallowed grounds.
Like many of you, I had joined my fellow citizens in the town square to view this celestial wonder and, as a cemetery, our security needs are generally very few. But when I returned to the grounds after the eclipse, I discovered poor Barney’s body. Never one for formal trappings, the state I found Barney’s body in was beyond comprehension, as if he had been turned inside-out.
Additionally the remains of at least thirty individuals have been removed from the cemetery grounds. Many of these disinterred seem to come from the Historical Section, including Ames Rifle factory founder Lawrence Ames. There are also one or two missing remains from the Wildwood Section and French Sections as well. Certainly more is at play than the simple wholesale theft of trinkets, rings, jewelry, and gold teeth?
The local authorities have been alerted, though we all know how ineffectual the QMPD have been in resolving the murders and many, many disappearances in town. I, for one, will not be holding my breath. One wonders what sort of community this has become when our sole cemetery is no longer acknowledged as something sacred.
Posted by Gus Stephens on April 8, 2024
University of Ohio Extension Experimental Crop Station Spring Online Courses Now Available
The University of Ohio Extension Experimental Crop Station is pleased to offer a number of online courses as an introduction to the fascinating world of experimental biology, beginning with ECS101 Experimental Botany at Home. Created by Dr. Rebecca Lipsik, this introductory course offers citizens of Question Mark the opportunity to learn more about the one-of-a-kind flora and fauna of the southeastern Ohio region by conducting exciting experiments in the safety of your own home.
In addition, as a result of a number of recent public-safety breeches, we want to assure you that the Experimental Crop Station takes safety seriously and is requiring all employees to complete newly enhanced security training scenarios using our online course portal. Please note: the ECS Security Course is for internal use only.
We hope you take this incredible chance to learn more about the exciting world of experimental biology and broaden your understanding of the beauty,l complexity, and mystery of our region and our world.
Posted by Dr. Rebecca Lipsik on April 11, 2024
Spring Carnival (formerly Winter Carnival) canceled due to weather and/or possible anomalies with Time
Due to unforeseen circumstances, the Spring Carnival, formerly the Winter Carnival, is canceled yet again due to ab unfortunate weather event that seems to have turned the skies red. It also appears that the town is perhaps experiencing several Time-related challenges and to keep all citizens of Question Mark safe, the mayor’s office has decided to cancel these festivities.
In addition, Randy Simms from the Randy Simms School of Music Performers appears to be missing. Several witnesses claim that the band was about to take the stage for a soundcheck when several nearby buildings appeared and disappeared. It seems Mr. Simms became overwhelmed with fear, shouted something about the return of a seven-headed monster, and fled from the scene.
Anyone with any information on Mr. Simms whereabouts should please contact the Question Mark Police or use the Report-A-Disappearance site.
We hope that the oddly red skies will dissipate soon. Probably stay inside.
Posted by The Office of Mayor Elizabeth Zisk on April 12, 2024
Every stop light and sign in town is now missing, at least temporarily.
No doubt you have already noticed that there is an unprecedented time-based anomaly affecting our town in many ways, including my squad car disappearing out from under me while I was driving in to work this morning causing undue damage to my police uniform.
But in addition to the many other anomalous incidents, as head of public safety it is my duty to report that all stop signs and lights in town are disappearing and reappearing, causing a large number of fender-benders and moving violations. It is probably best to consider walking or simply staying home, if your home hasn’t disappeared. If it has, it seems that these disappearances are often temporary, as my squad car reappeared moments later, unfortunately with nobody in it, and it hit the mailbox on Main.
In better news, the sky is distinctly less red.
Please contact the Question Mark Police Department with any other disappearances. Please remember, we are really trying our best but some things, like this, appear to be beyond our control.
Posted by Gus Holt, Question Mark Chief of Police on April 13, 2024
Read all our Town Announcements.
Community Notes
4-15-2024
Citizens of Question Mark,
I had planned on sharing my thoughts with the town at the Annual Mayor’s Address on Saturday but as so few of you attended–though I know I should not be surprised–I will repeat my comments in this less-than-illustrious forum.
After facing every sort of catastrophe over the last year–from missing street signs to missing pets to missing statues to missing children to entire buildings disappearing, a fire, flood, time stopping, time going backwards, a series of unsolved murders, one Void, seven Voids, no Voids, and just this week, thirty bodies being stolen from St. Casimir Non-Denominational Cemetery and time itself seeming to break down–I believe I have now lost the capacity to be shocked.
As we find ourselves in the midst of another cataclysm where Willey Envelope and even the town hall keep appearing and disappearing, I can no longer feel anger, embarrassment, or even disappointment. Even as some of us have worked so tirelessly to help this town thrive and prosper–namely me, that Bookman girl, and her very weird internet coterie–there have been others, so many others who have tried to bring me and this town to its knees.
Even my dearly beloved husband Thompson–with one harebrained pyramid scheme after another–became a burden until his untimely demise. Other men have come and gone from my life–yes, I have known other men–and they all failed to live up to even the lowest of expectations.
But what I have learned is that, like this town, I am a survivor. In the 1980s while I was working as a spokesmodel for an infomercial for Gladiator Blenders, I inadvertently injured myself on set, slicing open my pinky. I smiled through more than three additional hours of shooting and repeated the same inane line over and over until the director finally called cut. And although I can no longer feel any sensation in that particular finger, I learned an incredibly important lesson that day about inner strength and determination.
I, like this town, have known hardship, grief, loss, failure, and even humiliation. And regardless of the nature of this latest tragedy, we will continue to face these challenges together. No one, nothing can stop us as long as we keep on believing.
—Mayor Elizabeth Zisk
Crime Reports
April 14
2:35 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of buildings appearing and disappearing. Several Question Mark residents reported missing buildings appearing and disappearing around town. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 14
1:55 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of pet disappearances. Several Question Mark residents reported missing pets throughout town. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 14
8:12 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of electrical and utility pole disappearance. Several Question Mark residents reported missing electrical and utility poles throughout town. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 13
4:01 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of fire hydrants missing. Several Question Mark residents reported missing fire hydrants appearing and disappearing. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 13
3:55 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of street lights theft. Several Question Mark residents reported missing street lights appearing and disappearing throughout town. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 13
2:12 p.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of cars appearing and disappearing. Several Question Mark residents reported missing disappearances of cars. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 13
6:55 a.m. — No single address. Multiple reports of stop sign theft. Several Question Mark residents reported missing stop signs throughout town. Officer D. Holland, T. Holland, B. Lindholm, and R. Dublowski reported to multiple scenes.
April 12
3:15 p.m. — 1 Willey Way, temporary disappearance of factory. Several Question Mark residents reported Willey Envelope factory had temporarily disappeared. Officers D. Holland and R. Dublowski reported to scene.
April 8
2:15 p.m. — St. Casimir Cemetery, 1 West Avenue, desecration, grave robbery. Thirty graves throughout the cemetery were disturbed. Human remains were removed from each open grave and appeared to have been stolen. Officers D. Holland and B. Lindholm reported to scene.
April 8
2:13 p.m. — St. Casimir Cemetery, 1 West Avenue, homicide. A Question Mark man reported discovering the body of a cemetery worker. Wounds suggest homicide. Officers D. Holland and B. Lindholm reported to scene.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
April 20, 2024
Concert for Civic Engagement and Cultural Appreciation, featuring cellist Nanako Yakamoto. 12pm..
Town Square
May 4, 2024
New Tomorrow Industries presents: The Eightcelerator final test. 12pm.
New Tomorrow Industrial Park
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
Our mayor Elizabeth Zisk is the longest-serving public official in Question Mark History! She was elected in 1998 after a tragic accident took her husband, but don’t worry, this story had a happy ending for all of us in Question Mark! Thanks Mayor Zisk!