Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 3/17 - 3/24
Town Announcements
Missing–dentist
Everyone: just a note to say it looks like Dr. Peterson’s dentist office has vanished. I was pulling into the parking lot and saw Trish behind the counter and other people inside and the next moment everything was gone. I am deeply worried about where they have gone and who will now clean my teeth?
Everyone knows Dr. Peterson has abnormally large hands which have been a point of concern for most of his patients over the years but he does have a kindly manner. Also he has been the only dentist in town for the past thirty years. It’s very upsetting. I tried to call the office number from the car but I did not receive an answer and now I am very concerned about Dr. Peterson, his hands, and the entire staff including Trish who is so good at remembering birthdays.
I am not 100% why I signed that petition a few weeks ago if things like this are going to occur.
Posted by Gladys Parker on March 18, 2024
A MESSAGE VIA THE QM EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM
On Wednesday, March 20, at approximately 8:01am, several citizens reported a number of strange plant-like figures moving about town. QMPD has been alerted but please shelter in place and try to keep your distance from these plant-like figures.
Spaghetti-O and I are currently hiding in the basement where we are both dressed as characters from The Walking Dead.
Plant People are just People Again I Guess
I know I’ve been asked to not post to the Town Announcements, but seeing as how I’m the only police officer not currently a plant, I wanted to write and let you know that somehow Violet Bookman and a baby got an antidote for the plant person problem, which I really don’t understand much about but is good because now my kids aren’t plants anymore and Ms. Holly Peterson isn’t a plant anymore, which is a big relief but also she was a nice plant that smelled good.
Anyway, scientists from the Experimental Crop Station are distributing the antidote so your family members will go back to being whoever they were before they became a plant. Which I guess probably is a mixed bag sometimes because people are harder than plants.
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why isn't this working
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Posted by Officer Ron Dublowski on March 22, 2024
Question Mark Police Department launches Report-A-Disappearance
As many of you are aware, the Question Mark Police Department has come under considerable scrutiny over the last ten months of disappearances, murders, inexplicable explosions, and a flood. We want the people of Question Mark to know we are trying our best but none of these things were anything any of us have ever trained for. There is no page in the manual about finding children lost in disappearing wells, how to prevent cult activity, how to feed and water plant people, or stopping the end of the world. But still, we persist.
In order to better serve you, Gabby Peters has helped set up the Report-A-Disappearance website, which anyone can use to alert the QMPD to the disappearance of household objects, pets, buildings, or even people. Although there have been a few technical problems with the launch of the website, including one officer who accidentally posted his departmental login and password in a Town Announcement yesterday, which led to teenager hackers unfortunately accessing several police files and expunging their recent violations, Ms. Peters has assured me the Report-A-Disappearance website is now secure.
Please remember, the QMPD are just like you, deeply, deeply flawed people, afraid of all these sudden changes, struggling for meaning in an increasingly-strange world. It would mean a lot if you would please stop throwing objects at our squad cars when we are on patrol.
Posted by Gus Holt, Question Mark Chief of Police on March 23, 2024
Read all our Town Announcements.
Community Notes
Hello people of Question Mark.
I would like to thank all the citizens for their encouragement and dedication in using our recently-launched Report-A-Disappearance. Over the last few days, we have received several hundred reports of missing items and are working hard to locate these objects.
Some astute citizen sent this article to my email a few weeks ago. It is about how police departments all across the country have been solving fewer crimes in the last few years.
I read this and felt a deep sense of embarrassment. What does it mean to live in a community where you no longer have faith in its police?
As many of us know, problems began back in the late 90s with everything that happened with Troy Holland and the widespread corruption case that followed. And I now recognize we have truly lost the trust of the people in this community and for that I am eternally sorry. This is a problem many of us on the force have been unwilling to acknowledge for some time but is high time it is finally stated here. We have failed you, Question Mark. We have let our arrogance and incompetence prevent us from accepting necessary changes and from rising to the challenges we all face together.
But we have not given up. We are working hard every day to make Question Mark a safe, peaceful place. We are committed to improving how we serve you and we hope, one day, sooner than later, we can earn your trust back once again.
Gus Holt, Question Mark Chief of Police
Crime Reports
March 23
10:31 a.m. — Across Question Mark. Multiple reports of disappearances via Report-a-Disappearance website. QMPD is triaging reports and will follow-up as staffing allows.
March 20
6:55 a.m. — Third Avenue and Eastwood, domestic disturbance. A Question Mark woman reported her husband had flowers growing from hands and face. Officers B. Lindholm and T. Holland reported to the scene.
March 19
3:32 p.m. — Country Rt. 54 and East Avenue, dangerous cloud of slow-moving green gas reported. The University of Ohio Experimental Crop Station and surrounding area evacuated due to cloud of green gas. Officers B. Lindholm and D. Holland reported to the scene.
March 18
5:45 p.m. — Green Avenue and Main Street, disappearance of dentist office. A Question Mark woman reported that a local dentist office has vanished. Officer B. Lindholm reported to the scene.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
March 27, 2024
Shady Village Retirement Community presents its annual Octogenarian Follies. 4pm.
Shady Village Retirement Community
March 30, 2024
Celebration of Willey Clock Tower. 2pm.
Town Square
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
The Question Mark Police force was given a Governor’s Award for the lowest crime rate for a town of its size for the years 2015-2022, with only three unsolved cases still pending.