Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 3/11 - 3/17
Town Announcements
Flock of white peacocks spotted in tree
I was on the way to Question Mark Foods to pick up a loaf of bread and a bottle of milk when I saw a tree filled with snow. And since we’ve been having such unseasonably warm weather, I thought maybe I had lost my marbles.
Then I noticed the snow was moving. Then I saw there were large birds, many of them, and they did not look kindly upon me. So I kept walking in a hurry. Birds of those size could be dangerous, I suppose. But also, now that I think on it a bit, after all the turmoil of these last few weeks with the mayor being removed and all the disappearances, they were awfully beautiful as well.
Posted by Hilda Durn on March 13, 2024
Come Witness the Circle of Death!
Do you like nonstop entertainment and death-defying fun!? Do you want to see me light my brother aflame, saw him in half, expose him to his childhood fears, all while being connected to a pick-up truck battery? It’s a trick Officer Ron said is pretty cool but is probably a really bad idea. And we’re doing it for you!
(My brother Dash is deathly afraid of snakes. If you even say the word snake, he gets scared. I asked Ms. Gibbs at Meow’s the Time if they have any venomous snakes but they don’t but she is letting me borrow several constrictors for the finale.)
Anyway, we know everyone is very sad about everything in town disappearing. So what? Sh– happens. Are you going to stay home and cry or are you going to come to our one-of-a-kind, radical magical performance and have your face possibly blown off? Magic makes you feel feelings. It’s good for facing tragedies, etc., etc. Also don’t you want to see what’s going to happen to my brother? We practiced the other day and he had to get seven stitches in his forearm.
We will be performing the show in the spot where Veterans Hall used to be. As a protest to Time. Or whatever’s making things disappear, I don’t even know anymore.
Either you will believe in magic after this or you will not believe in anything ever.
Posted by Parkerino the Great and Dash Holland, professional magicians on March 14, 2024
Bruno Ellis inducted into Wrestling Hall of Fame
Iris Englebrecht, my dad, and I had the incredible honor to witness Bruno Ellis–formerly known as the Ohio Strangler–become part of wrestling history on Saturday night at the Wrestling Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Cincinnati. He asked me to read his acceptance speech which was very thoughtful and, afterwards, he got his photo taken with some other local legends including Eddie the Eagle Tyrell.
While we were in Cincinnati, Bruno also met with the widow of Bob Bancroft. It was a very touching moment and made me realize how long it sometimes takes for us to let go of the past.
Bruno has saved me and this town again and again. He is generally very humble so if you see him in town, please congratulate him and thank him for everything he does to make Question Mark a truly incredible place.
Posted by Violet Bookman on March 17, 2024
Read all our Town Announcements.
Community Notes
3-18-24
My dear people of Question Mark,
As Spring quietly works its endless wonders amidst the barren trees and empty lots of our generally-mediocre town, I am reminded of the possibility of renewal that exists in each and every one of us. And when I say us, I, of course, mean you.
I am also reminded how lucky each of you are to live in a community where there are those of us who are working tirelessly to improve the lot of the downtrodden, shiftless, and uninspired. Like Spring itself, most of this work happens in silence and goes unappreciated.
But not today. Today I would like everyone to notice how everything has been so much better since I’ve been restored as your mayor. Just when everything seemed abysmally dark, just when it felt the town appeared to be in a state of utter chaos, just when the Town Council seemed poised to destroy this community we all love forever, who should return to save Question Mark as it was teetering from the brink but I?
And since then, the town has passed a balanced budget for fiscal year 2025, we have updated our street-cleaning policy, we have passed a law making visits from all ghostly figures illegal, and there have been no inexplicable fires, floods, or appearances of ephemeral factories. Not a single child has gone missing. Yes, some naysayers may point out that there are now seven Voids in town, but to those naysayers I say that I see this as a 600% improvement in the possibility of other future economic investments. Why limit our earning potential to one Void when we now have seven? Am I the only one who can imagine a revitalized theme park with roller coasters, historical reenactors, and a log-ride where visitors experience the majesty of not just one Void but seven?
Over the next several weeks I will be submitting these proposals to the Town Council and I expect their full cooperation. In the end, this is just to say nothing can stop us when we work together. And for that, you should be eternally grateful.
—Elizabeth Zisk, Mayor
Crime Reports
March 16
3:13 p.m. — Grant Avenue and Third Street, stolen vehicle. A Question Mark woman reported her 1999 Honda Accord was stolen. Officer D. Holland reported to the scene.
March 14
7:42 p.m. — Lotus Avenue and 1st Street, missing pet. A Question Mark man reported his parrot named Mr. Perfect has gone missing. Officer T. Holland reported to the scene.
March 11
9:35 a.m. — 900 Block of High Street, missing parking meters. Parking meters reported missing along the 900 block of High Street. Officer R. Dublowski reported to the scene.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
March 21, 2024
French Halloween. Dress as your favorite character from French literature. Trucs et friandises at participating shops. 5pm
Main Street
March 27, 2024
Shady Village Retirement Community presents its annual Octogenarian Follies. 4pm.
Shady Village Retirement Community
March 30, 2024
Celebration of Willey Clock Tower. 2pm.
Town Square
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
Our mayor Elizabeth Zisk is the longest-serving public official in Question Mark History! She was elected in 1998 after a tragic accident took her husband, but don’t worry, this story had a happy ending for all of us in Question Mark! Thanks Mayor Zisk!