Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 1/29 - 2/4
Town Announcements
Town Reopening: Your Questions, Our Answers
As many of you begin to return to town after the catastrophic events of mid-December, the Town Council knows you have questions and concerns. Last night we held an emergency meeting, in which the council attempted to respond to a number of doubts and worries from the public regarding the explosion of the power substation and all its devastating consequences on December 17, 2023, which is noted here as the Power Substation Catastrophe or PSC.
Below please find an edited transcript of the questions and answers from our emergency Town Council meeting last night.
We hope your resettlement in Question Mark is easy and uneventful and we welcome you back home.
Q: Why did the power substation explode?
A: At the moment, we are diligently investigating the cause of the power substation explosion. We believe it was a once-in-a-century accident caused by failing equipment and gross negligence on the power station’s behalf.
Q: No, but, really, why did the power substation explode? One person said it was because of The Void. Someone else said it was ghosts. Someone said they heard a French horn being played…
A: As of now, we find no truth to the rumors that a small group of apocalyptically-minded cultists attempted to open The Void and bring about the end of time as we know it. We do know sometime before or after the explosion, The Void appeared to emit an electromagnetic wave that affected power throughout the town. Again, the investigation is ongoing.
Q: Did anyone die in the explosion or its aftermath?
A: Remarkably, we have no deaths to report but there were many, many injuries including Officer Tim Holland and Department of Streets and Sanitation worker Bruno Ellis. However a number of pets have been reported missing and have yet to be recovered.
Q: Has power been fully restored in town?
A: As of now, the power substation is being rebuilt and temporary power has been restored, though it is crucial not to overload the temporary system by turning on your lights and/or running a hair-drier. We suggest doing one or the other until the new power station is complete, likely around mid-March. We are asking the town to withhold judgment at the moment. If you see a person in town, at school, at a place of business, who looks like they might have dressed in the dark, we encourage you to please not say anything.
Q: When do classes resume at QM Elementary and QM High School?
A: All classes resume tomorrow, Tuesday, January 30, 2024 at 8am.
Q: What businesses and/or locations in town have been most directly affected by the explosion/fire/flooding?
A: The power station on East Avenue and Moonlite Grove RV Park were completely consumed by the blaze. The Lost Lake Drive-In is currently closed, its owners have assured me they will reopen prior to the premiere of Garfield this summer. Parts of the northwest quadrant of the Question Mark Municipal Waste facility burned for an extensive period of time, causing widespread toxic smoke and extending our evacuation for over a month. The household chemicals and cooking oil section of the dump continues to burn intermittently and is closed to the public. The parking lot of the Question Mark Motel was damaged as were several fields surrounding the Experimental Crop Station. Many homes from Tower Avenue to East Avenue were also damaged by the fire. The fire also caused extensive damage to parts of the industrial district including the historic Willey Envelope factory. The loss of power and failure of several emergency systems caused unprecedented flooding to downtown areas and led to the relocation of Meow’s the Time to 812 Adeline Avenue and the permanent closure of Professor Chik N Crunch, which has since vacated the premises. On a positive note, a new food establishment is already preparing to open in an extensively renovated Chik N Crunch space. The elementary school and high school were also adversely affected, suffering both fire and water damage. Both schools will be open as repairs continue to take place. The Void remains temporarily closed as well.
Looking at all the damage, it is hard not to feel heartbroken. I sincerely doubt our town will ever be the same again.
Q: Do you believe we are experiencing the end of the world?
A: We do not know at this point as there is not enough evidence. But the flooding and closing of Professor Chik N Crunch seems like a very ominous sign.
Q: Will anyone be held responsible for what happened to the town?
A: We are looking into that.
Posted by Tom Weathers, Town Council on January 29, 2024
The Void has reopened and is once again accepting online ticket reservations
Although other naysayers and pessimists continue to focus on the past and what has been destroyed by the recent fire and flood, my office continues to look to the future. And although we have been advised otherwise by several dour and pessimistic “experts,” we are pleased to announce The Void, Ohio’s thirty-first most popular regional destination according to Columbus magazine, is reopening today, just in time for Valentine’s.
Bring your romantic partner, (if you are lucky enough to have one and not constantly having to attend to a community of misfits, whiners, and do-nothings), and receive half-off a full-size portrait as part of our Valentines promotion. PROOF OF COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP REQUIRED. Do not try and pass off your meaningless moment of lust as a commitment. We all know where that is going: nowhere.
Visiting The Void is the perfect way to tell that someone special they still are on your mind, regardless of how it may have ended or the fact that you are surrounded by the remnants of your failed marriage and are often overcome by an unending sense of fear for the meager little town you have come to love. Enjoy!
Posted by Mayor Elizabeth Zisk on January 30, 2024
The Holy Romaine Empire invites you to conquer one of our incredible salads
Salve, citizens of taste! The Holy Romaine Empire invites you to partake in a gastronomic revolution at our grand opening today. Here, we bring you the future of salads, crafted with the most advanced and sustainable agricultural practices known to modern science.
To commemorate this momentous occasion, we offer you the chance to savor our signature Pax Romana Panzanella, free of charge. Experience the unparalleled freshness and flavor of ingredients grown through pioneering hydroponic and aeroponic technologies, as well as freshness brought in from local farms. This offer is valid while supplies last, so join us early!
At The Holy Romaine Empire, we don't just serve salads, we present a manifesto of taste, rejecting the mundane and the ordinary. Say farewell to greasy, uninspired fried chicken and embrace a meal that not only tantalizes your palate but also respects the planet.
Our salads are more than just a meal, they are a statement of our commitment to a sustainable future. Crafted from ingredients grown with minimal environmental impact and ethical standards, every bite is a step towards a healthier Earth.
March down to 671 Tower Avenue today and be part of a fully renovated dining experience that's not just about great food, but also about a greater purpose. Welcome to The Holy Romaine Empire, where each salad is a triumph of taste and technology!
Posted by Vivian Lee, The Holy Romaine Empire manager on February 1, 2024
My Interview with Dr. Amodeus Harrington-Wiley
You may have seen Dr. Amodeus Harrington-Willey with a lot of electronic equipment at The Void. He's a researcher from the University of Chicago and a descendant of town founder Reginald Willey. You may have seen him, but you probably haven't talked to him, because too many people are still operating like everything is fine in this town. But what he has to say is profound and I interviewed him today so that everyone can know what this town is facing. I hope everyone reads this.
VB: Please tell us everything you know about Time and why it’s so powerful.
HW: I know very little, I’m afraid, although I must admit I am fascinated by it. We do know that Time moves differently in different places in the universe. But members of the serious scientific community are not certain why. I am excited to find out the how and why of this particular question.
If we imagine Time moving in a straight line, it fails to capture Time’s complexity. We do know the universe is constantly expanding so I like to imagine Time not as a straight line but a slowly widening circle, a spiral unfolding out, wider and wider, revolving around itself, with certain events, certain places, certain people coming back around again and again. We know, for example, when a certain comet will pass by Earth on its orbit with some degree of certainty, so this model, the spiral model of Time, helps us recognize that Time is both dependent on both the patterns of the past while making allowances for variations in the future.
Only think of the life of the universe and your own life and you can see the questions, the challenges that seem to recur. Nietzche called this Eternal Return, a theory in which certain challenges keep recurring until one finally confronts them, and I believe this has applications for our understanding of time as well. Only look at the pandemic, or the return of facism, or ongoing questions about identity. Until we face these questions head-on, they will return over again and again.
By this model of Time, whatever you fear, whatever you are most afraid to confront will continue to reappear until you have the commitment or courage or intelligence to solve it.
VB: Why are you so personally interested in Time?
HB: As you’re aware, my great-great-grandfather, Reginald Willey, was not only fascinated by industry and progress, he was also deeply curious about the mechanics of Time itself. From reading his works, I believe he had a very clear sense of some of the questions modern physicists are asking about Time and the influence it exerts upon our lives. I also think he was trying to understand why Time seemed to work so differently in this town that he so came to love. My great-grandfather, Reginald Jr., and even my grandfather, Reginald Jr. Jr., were also both fascinated by some of these questions. So it’s something of a family preoccupation and I feel very privileged to be able to pursue it to its logical conclusion.
VB: What is The Void exactly?
HW: I believe The Void is an opening from the future. I believe someone, at some point in the future, caused a kind of abruption, either accidentally or on purpose. I believe this abruption may have been here for hundreds of years and may be responsible for all the anomalies in your town relating to Time.
Imagine The Void as a kind of chemical or oil spill. Imagine molecules from the future leaking into your own time and slowly destroying the living matter all around you. I believe this is why objects with shorter life spans, things most susceptible to change–including objects like shoes and living organisms like small pets–are being affected most directly.
VB: Why do you think The Void is a circle?
HW: Ah, I have been asking myself that exact same question and I don’t know if I have yet to come up with a satisfying answer. But if we look all across the universe, what is the shape we find most often? A circle. Look at the sun, the moon, the Earth, the stars. Look at how the universe often arranges itself in circular or elliptical orbits. Once again, this makes me consider the elliptical nature of Time.
VB: Can anyone change the future?
HW: Of course, as that is the very nature of the future. The future is the universe’s constant sense of change and it is constantly changing, even as it happens. But an even more interesting question is: Can anyone change the past? If you attempt to obscure it, erase it, deny it, what will the results be in the future? I believe someone here in your town has attempted to do just that.
Now if we go with my spiral model of Time, that would mean someone would leave at a certain point in the future and would arrive at a point in the past that would correspond on a different loop of the same spiral. So you could travel from Point A to Point F but not point E. This would make it very difficult to return to a particular moment, which is perhaps what our time traveler has recognized a little too late.
I am also curious about how political groups are attempting to do the same thing at the moment, to rewrite or obscure uncomfortable moments in our history, to take the entire country backwards in time, as it were. I am fairly certain these movements will have the same consequences.
Posted by Violet Bookman on February 3, 2024
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Community Notes
Strange music has been upsetting my animals at night. I hate to trouble anyone with this but it has caused me emotional and now some financial harm. On Sunday, just last night, somewhere between midnight and one a.m., I heard what appeared to be a kind of orchestra out by the barn. Martha was fast asleep, snoring. Her snores are quite musical, if I can be poetic for a moment, but they were not the cause of my alarm!
I put my boots on and trod outside and followed the music out the barn and boy was it noisy! All the animals were mighty upset–the sheep bawling and cows lowing–so I switched on the lights and saw a person or what I can now describe as a person leaning over a kind of machine and this person appeared to be made out of a majestic golden light. At first I thought it was a spirit or my daughter, Ida, come back but then I recognized it was no spirit or angel.
I picked up a pitchfork and shouted and the person bolted through the side door and out to the fields and as soon as the person had left, the music stopped. This morning none of my hens laid eggs and the milk from the cows is all an eerie green.
I am reporting this here because I know Chief Holt and the QMPD are overwhelmed at the moment with all kinds of other goings-on in town. But this is becoming a problem and I’d like to know if other people are hearing this music, too.
—Fred Williamson
Crime Reports
February 1, 2024
11:01 a.m. — 671 Tower Avenue, crowd control. Large numbers of people converging on newly-opened restaurant. Officers B. Lindholm and R. Dublowski reported to the scene.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
February 10, 2024
Town Council formal inquest of events leading up to Dec.17, 2023. This will be a meeting open to all members of the concerned public. 5pm
Town Hall
February 14, 2024
St. Sabina’s Valentine Day’s Choral Concert and Winter Dance. Formal dancing only, gloves required for all in attendance. 7pm
Veteran's Hall
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
The Williamson farm was briefly the site of a Bureau of Investigations stakeout in 1933 when it was believed one of the Lindbergh Baby's kidnappers was hiding in an outbuilding, but, unfortunately, it turned out to just be one of their sheep.