Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 12/4 - 12/10
Town Announcements
The Void is the future
This afternoon I was in the woods and met Dr. Amodeus Harrington-Willey, a theoretical physicist from the University of Chicago and descendent of town founder Reginald Willey, who said he examined The Void and has determined it is a cosmic abruption of some kind, whatever that means exactly.
And then he did this weird experiment with a purple flower. And said The Void was the future and it was the reason everything kept disappearing.
When I asked him what the town was supposed to do with this information, he just looked at me and said, “Everyone needs to try to prepare themselves.” So there you go, not that anyone is actually paying attention.
Also, I saw a deer and that was nice and I thought if I included that picture then maybe you would actually read this.
Posted by Violet Bookman on December 4, 2023
Explosion near The Void
One only has to look at the crime report to know peace and quiet seem to be a thing of the past.
To be honest, I do not know if I have what it takes to confront some of these challenges the town is now having to face.
For thirty years the hardest case I had faced was when a kid’s cat or dog would go missing. Then four years ago there was that terrible unsolved incident out by the bridge during the snowstorm. And since then, everything’s been upside down for me.
And now there’s been another explosion, and this one right near The Void, which up until everyone fell asleep had been making real money. Thankfully The Void had been closed earlier in the day because someone had clogged the port-a-potty so badly that the stench was unbearable, so nobody was hurt. But still, a big explosion is never good. Never.
This is exactly the kind of thing I would expect in some of the more unfortunate cities of Ohio, but not here in what was once a little slice of peaceful paradise. Does everyone in this town have something against prosperity? Why are we slowly turning into Cincinnati?
Posted by Gus Holt, Question Mark Chief of Police on December 7, 2023
Bomb threat at Question Mark Public Library
Please be advised the QMPL has been forced to close early today due to a bomb threat. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused and are thankful for assistant librarian Gerald Ames who kept a level head and evacuated the library quickly and thoroughly. Nobody was hurt and the Question Mark Police are investigating.
On happier fronts, I am trying to make sense of being a mother at this particular moment every single day. I miss the Question Mark Public Library very much but I’m very grateful for everyone’s book recommendations about early motherhood. My friend Violet comes by after school to hold Freddie for a half hour so I can answer work emails, but most days I read instead because even the idea of my inbox is upsetting. There’s so much happening at the library right now and I know Gerald needs help, but if I’m being very honest, I want to throw my laptop off the roof.
Some books that have been helpful are The Mother to Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book by Sandra Poulin; Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, MD; and You Will Rock as a Dad by Alex Grace which someone sent to Bill while he was still here. I’ve been reading it in case there are things in the father books that aren’t in the mother books and I’ll have to cover that stuff, too. There’s so much to cover. There’s so much information. There’s so much to miss. There’s so much crying, in the world and my head and my house with this tiny perfect person so hungry and alive and gloriously here. She looks so much like her dad. Sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes I put the video monitor in my bathrobe pocket, go out the front door past the piles of casserole pans, out into the yard, barefoot and ice-toed in Midwest December, and I howl at the moon. I know that sounds strange, but it’s the only time that I really feel like myself. There are so many books about mothering—I’d argue that every book ever written is about motherhood; how we were nurtured or not, how we try and fail to love, to care, to teach, to grow—but the one that makes the most sense is a novel by Rachel Yoder called Nightbitch where the mother turns into a dog every night. She grows hair on the back of her neck. She can smell everything. She craves raw meat. If the whole point of literature is to make us feel less alone, this book is the truest thing I’ve ever read.
For more recommendations and more news about Freddie, please read my latest entry in the Librarian's Bookshelf.
Posted by Greta Twombley, Town Librarian on December 10, 2023
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Community Notes
In this holiday season I can only say congratulations, Question Mark, on reaching new lows. According to Ohio Magazine’s Best/Worst Places to Live in Ohio 2023, Question Mark ranks at the absolute bottom at Number Fifty, surpassing nightmarish cities like Cleveland, Akron, and Cincinnati. Only five years ago we were the Number Seventeenth Worst Place to Live and somehow we have plummeted to Number Fifty due to an increased crime rate, a total of three unsolved murders, and a recently-discovered shipping crate of unstable material at the garbage dump.
Even though The Void had lent this town an exciting brief air of prosperity, some among us have also found a way to ruin that. It seems, as a community, the thing you are most committed to is your sub-mediocrity, and your consistency with that goal is truly stunning. Every time something wonderful happens–Rm. 13–this town finds a way to completely nullify it.
I especially want to thank all the self-important do-gooders on Instagram, town gossips, and armchair detectives for spreading their so-called theories across the internet with their endless conjecture in chat room after chat room. I’m certain their suggestions about people magically turning into animals and discussion on the sordid romantic lives of our public servants had nothing to do with this year’s ranking. At least there is nothing else than can happen to this town that will surprise any of us.
Happy Holidays,
—Mayor Elizabeth Zisk
Crime Reports
December 10
12:15 p.m. — 730 Main Street, bomb threat. Question Mark Public Library evacuated due to bomb threat sent via email. Officers B. Lindholm and T. Holland reported to the scene.
December 7
4:15 p.m — 1 Zisk Way, arson. A large explosion was reported just outside the main entrance to The Void attraction. Attraction had been closed earlier in the day due to port-a-potty incident. No injuries reported. Officers D. Holland and T. Holland reported to scene.We are asking the people of Question Mark for any leads regarding the homicide of one Tom Childs on October 14.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
December 13, 2023
New Tomorrow Industries Eightcelerator Test Number Two. All are welcome to witness the future. 3pm.
New Tomorrow Industries Industrial Park
December 16, 2023
Classic Holiday Sing-A-Long featuring White Christmas. Please no pets. 7pm
Lost Lake Drive-in Cinema
December 18, 2023
Winter Break. No school at Question Mark Elementary or High School until January 2, 2024.
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
The Question Mark Police force was given a Governor’s Award for the lowest crime rate for a town of its size for the years 2015-2022, with one three unsolved cases still pending.