Question Mark Town Roundup for the weeks of 11/6 - 11/19
Please note: Due to the unfortunate incident involving sleep-inducing fungal spores spreading throughout the town, the Town Roundup from 11/13 was not posted. This week's roundup includes the last two weeks.
Town Announcements
Local election update
Tomorrow marks an important date for all citizens of Question Mark, Ohio: Election day!
On this year’s ballot, you will be asked to vote for a candidate to replace Tom Childs on the town council, to give your opinion on using money generated from The Void to build a skating “ring,” and to vote to amend the Ohio state constitution.
A reminder that if you are going to drop off your ballot in-person you must visit the Question Mark High School or Veterans’ Hall between the hours of 7am-7pm. We are also, for the first time, running our election through our Town Announcements email list and are happy to announce that today’s test vote was flawless. That is, except for the outcome. Somehow, of the 873 people to help us test our system, 565 of you preferred cake over pie, which received only 308 votes. What an unfortunate outcome. Do you not understand how delicious and versatile pie can be??
While this outcome makes no sense, as an elected official I must acknowledge and accept it.
Anyway, your taste in desserts aside, tomorrow’s election for Town Council holds exceptional importance to Question Mark, and considering that one of our candidates was involved in some controversy this weekend, we have invited both candidates to make final statements.
Owen Brandt, Assistant Principal, QMHS
As many of you have heard, I have become the victim of a government conspiracy aimed at defrauding my candidacy. I want to refute all those claims here, even ones that have not been made. This is exactly the kind of overreach from law enforcement that I will work to outlaw. If I want to enter an abandoned theme park that says No Trespassing, it should be my God-given right. What does it mean in a country where such acts, like purchasing firearms, explosives, and noxious chemicals are so heavily regulated? I look forward to your support.
Gerald Ames, Assistant Librarian
Just as a reminder, I am also running for town council. I am a big fan of computers, the internet, and pets, and I think we can use all three to make Question Mark a more amazing, inclusive place. Imagine a cat in every aisle at the public library. Wouldn’t that be exciting? I am still against disappearances, murder, and using The Void for profit. And although my opponent was recently arrested for trespassing and has been accused of trying to blow the town up, I am sure he has a very reasonable explanation. Also if you decide not to vote for me, I will not hold it against you. See you at the polls!
Posted by Tom Weathers, Town Council on November 6, 2023
Question Mark Election Results
Well, I am proud to say that the spirit of democracy has not disappeared from Question Mark even if many other things have. It is my privilege to announce the results of today’s town election.
First off, we had a strong turnout for today's election. Despite all of the difficulties in town lately, 1378 of you turned out to cast your ballot!
On the first ballot item, the filling of the vacant Town Council seat, assistant librarian Gerald Ames beat Owen Brandt decisively, capturing 84% of the vote.
On the referendum regarding the development of an ice ring, the town has responded negatively with a resounding 76% voting no.
And finally, as to the proposed amendment to the state constitution, the measure had near-unanimous local support with 96% of the vote.
As the Acting Chair of the Voting Committee, I would like to thank our election volunteers for making sure that today was a great day for our town and state and for the ongoing American experiment in self-determination.
God bless Question Mark, Ohio and god bless America.
Posted by Tom Weathers, Town Council on November 7, 2023
BE WARNED—Mushroom Activity
Hello everyone.
I was on my way back from British Soldier Field and the Veteran’s Day historical reenactments when I saw a very large mushroom eating the town square. I had William Henry Purr-ison with me and he was dressed in military garb but once he saw the purple mushroom, he leapt from my arms.
Now I am back in city hall and looking out a window and the mushroom is getting bigger and bigger and, wow, just now there was a strange purple flash andddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
A MESSAGE VIA THE QM EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM
QUESTION MARK EMERGENCY ALERT
On Friday, November 10th, at approximately 4:45pm, the town of Question Mark, Ohio experienced an extraordinary spore event, generated by A. Quaestio, the enormous fungus that has lived beneath the earth for thousands of years. Based on recent predictions, researchers at the Experimental Crop Station were surprised to learn the specimen had outpaced its projected size by nearly a decade, exploding through the town square in order to complete its glorious, though unpredictable, reproduction cycle.
At the moment, the Experimental Crop Station has more questions than answers. It appears A. Quaestio is responsible for the comatose state of several townspeople who happened to inhale the spores during this event, though researchers are unsure why. We are also quite perplexed as to how the specimen has grown so quickly, though its proximity to the recently-discovered Void may be one factor. It should be stated that we, too, are scared and overworked and confused. Hidden away behind the walls of the ECS, we are also being forced to come face to face with our greatest fears.
Regardless, please be assured we are working tirelessly on an inoculation to reverse the effects of the spores, even though Dr. George Yakamoto, a specialist on A. Quaestio, is also unconscious at this time. Still we will have to find a way to muddle through. In moments like this I often remember what my thesis advisor, Dr. Franks, used to say: the dark can only last so long.
Posted by Allison Andrews, Senior Researcher, Experimental Crop Station on November 13, 2023
Inoculations available, finally.
On Friday November 10th, a number of citizens in town—unfortunately and against common sense—decided to inhale the possibly-toxic spores of the enormous fungus that has lived beneath our town for thousands of years, or so the “scientists” at the Experimental Crop Station have so beseechingly explained. These same “scientists” have finally prepared an antidote and are currently making their way through town, inoculating families, friends, and other members of our community. And to that I say thank you, but it feels perhaps like too little, too late.
Because who are we to blame for this entirely absurd situation we find ourselves in? The town was doing brisk business at our exceedingly-popular tourist attraction up to the very moment where everyone suddenly fell unconscious? When I asked the previously mentioned “scientists” about the dangers posed by the ridiculously-enormous mushroom to our community, their stated response was that the risk was extremely negligible, less than a fraction of a percentage. And I have the emails to prove this in court, if it comes to that, which I am sure it will.
Yes, there are some of you who might perhaps incorrectly attempt to blame my beloved deceased husband, Thompson Zisk, and the number of unfortunate legal challenges and questionable decisions that unfairly define the end of his life. And to those critics, I say: look within. What ethical failures have you committed recently? Did you forget to tip your waitress at the Pine Knot the other day? Did you bring candy from your home to the drive-in against notices to the contrary? Did you claim to be sick when really you were just tired of going to your thankless job? This week, did you lay uselessly on the ground asleep leaving others more awake to work tirelessly on a solution to your unconsciousness?
No one—I repeat no one—in this town is without blame, of that I am certain.
In addition, I am hereby authorizing changing the name of the Thompson Zisk Memorial Parking Lot to the Mayor Elizabeth Zisk Parking Zone of Perpetual Gratitude, now and in perpetuity.
Posted by Mayor Elizabeth Zisk on November 18, 2023
Read all our Town Announcements.
Community Notes
Hello.
I hope everyone is well and once again reunited with their loved ones. Like many of you, I was unconscious for the last eight days due to the spores from A. quaestio. I do not think I have slept so soundly in the last several months.
While I was asleep, I dreamt about my son, Quentin. I dreamt we had all been reunited and that he was once again a part of our lives. I cannot describe how it felt. I guess the only way I can describe it is that I felt whole. But when I finally awoke on Saturday afternoon, I found he was gone once again and the feeling was absolutely shattering.
Today I realized, it is his birthday, which means Quentin is now seven years old. I have not given up hope even though there are those around me kindly suggesting I do. I sat with the small radio Gary Dublowski built for me to communicate with Quentin and this morning I received this message: ..-. --- .-. / -- -.-- / -... .. .-. - .... -.. .- -.-- / .. / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / - --- / -.-. --- -- . / .... --- -- . .-.-.-
I, too, would like to be reunited with the people I love. Is there anybody willing to help?
—Gloria Quinn, mother of two
Crime Reports
Due to all members of the Question Mark Police Department having been asleep—with, I suppose, the exception of Ronny Dublowski—no crime has been logged.
We are asking the people of Question Mark for any leads regarding the homicide of one Tom Childs on October 14.
Please continue to distribute missing persons fliers to help notify the public about the disappearance of Quentin Quinn.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
November 22, 2023
Thanksgiving Break begins. No school at Question Mark Elementary or High School 11/22-11/25.
November 30, 2023
Reginald Willey Jr.’s Birthday. Come celebrate the person who helped create the town’s one-of-a-kind library through a children’s pageant, performed by Ms. Holly Peterson’s third grade class. Free bookmarks!
Question Mark Public Library
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
Before the founding of Question Mark in 1851, English colonists settled in the nearby Question Mark woods, building small log cabins, a trading post, a post office, and the town well, which colonists often claimed appeared and disappeared quite frequently.