Question Mark Town Roundup for the week of 10/16 - 10/22
Town Announcements
I believe I am the only person who can save this town from itself
Hello fellow Question Mark citizens,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Owen Brandt. Those of you with children at Question Mark High probably know me as their new assistant principal, who has been working hard to instill needed change at the school. And today, I'm announcing that I want to bring needed change to the town as well, as your new Town Councilman.
Although I have only had the privilege of living in Question Mark for a few short months, I believe, as an outsider, I have the necessary perspective to help this town tackle some of its biggest problems. In my opinion, Question Mark, like so many other towns in this country, has lost its way because it has forgotten its core conservative values and principles.
As assistant principal, I have witnessed the future firsthand and it is strange and depressing. These students today lack discipline, character, academic excellence, and an understanding of what makes this town and country great. All of their time is spent on phones and the internet, talking about anime shows. And some of these shows don’t even seem remotely American. Is this what previous generations sacrificed for? Toilet Bound Hanako Kun?
This is why I have decided to run for Town Council, to help re-imagine our future by looking back to the past. Please visit brandtfortowncouncil.com for more information about all my inspiring ideas, including outlawing Tik Tok.
Let’s work together to bring better leadership, education, and a return to conservative values.
Posted by Owen Brant, QMHS Assistant Principal on October 17, 2023
I would also like to run for Town Council
Hey there, I’m Gerald Ames and I’m also running for Town Council as an independent. Currently, I am assistant librarian at the Question Mark Public Library. I really love my job but think I might be able to help this town out with a few things as well.
I support books, computers, and the internet, as well as funny pets. I am against disappearances and murder. I also think maybe it is not such a good idea to turn a scientific discovery like The Void into a tourist attraction. In my opinion, a discovery like that should be carefully studied.
Here’s a photo of my cat Constable Odo reading that I really love:
Some of my ideas are: why not use computers to do things people don’t want to do? Like on Star Trek? Wouldn’t that be better for everybody? What if Fridays were spent reading all day in comfortable sweaters? Wouldn’t that be creative and fun? Also, what about pets at the library? Like dogs and cats in different sections? Couldn’t that be a thing?
Again, I am very much in favor of computers and very much against further disappearances and any murders. If this is confusing for you, just think Gerald Ames: for–computers and cats, against-disappearances and murder.
Finally, because this Town Council seat has opened up under such unfortunate circumstances, I want to offer a moment of silence in the memory of Tom Childs, whose steady hands have kept my car clean for years. Please, take a moment and remember your fondest memory of Tom.
OK, I hope your memory made you as happy as mine made me.
I guess that’s all you need to know about me, but if you'd like to know more I've set up a campaign website. It's not the best or anything, but it's something.
Excelsior!
Posted by Gerald Ames on October 18, 2023
Read all our Town Announcements.
Community Notes
Question Mark, Ohio citizens.
As corporate partners deeply invested in supporting your community and hoping to further develop its many resources together including its limitless human potential, we want the town to know we are here for you, especially during so many exciting and difficult moments of change.
To that end, we are pleased to announce the Quantum Dynamic Solutions' Eightcelerator™ is nearly operational. After the surprising results of the July 29th test, our technicians have worked diligently to address all remaining safety concerns. It is our goal to complete final safety checks and have the Eightcelerator™ fully operational by December 13, 2023.
Additionally, to show our ongoing commitment to the people of this region, it is our intention to pledge three million dollars to the investigation of what your townspeople have so colorfully named The Void. Our technicians and stockholders believe this phenomenon may contain the final clue to unlocking the secret of endless energy production and represents a monumental step forward for the evolution of human beings.
Together, Question Mark, we hope to make the world a more just, verdant place by taking humanity to an entirely new level!
—Darby Cline, New Tomorrow Industries
Crime Reports
October 14
We are asking the people of Question Mark for any leads regarding the homicide of one Tom Childs on October 14.
Please continue to distribute missing persons fliers to help notify the public about the disappearance of Quentin Quinn.
Read all our Crime Reports.
Upcoming Events
October 29, 2023
Halloween Fun Fest and Trick or Treat Parade. Please be mindful and choose an appropriate costume and please remember that no one is allowed to dress as Thompson Zisk. 3pm
Town Square
October 31, 2023
Halloween Read-a-Thon Please join the QMPL staff for an all-ages reading of Bunnicula followed by Silence of the Lambs. 3pm
Question Mark Public Library
See all our Upcoming Events
Did You Know?
The Ames Rifle factory burned to the ground on October 23, 1866, one year after the end of the Civil War. Ninety-nine employees, all children, died in the blaze. Unfortunately, the Ames Rifle factory fire was only the first of many tragedies involving industrialized labor in town.