Lessons I am trying to learn

Before we dive in, I’d love to share all the amazing things we have coming up this month for our paid subscribers ✨

Next week I will be releasing installment 6 of my Mindful Bookbinding course, just in time for the autumn equinox. There will be seasonal journal prompts and a video tutorial guiding you through how to make your own envelopes 😊🌸

And on September 25th, we are gathering for our next Community Connection Circle - it’s held over Zoom and is 90 lovely minutes to reset, relax and connect with others ❤️ we’ll journal, we’ll share, and I’ll end it with a lovely meditation just for you 🥰.

Paid subscriptions are £6 a month or £60 for the year and all of your money goes directly into the non-profit bank account and helps pay for all of the free-to-access support we provide daily at The Women’s Health Hub.

1. That even just fifteen minutes of focused work will make me feel 1000% better

I think I have PDA. (Pathological Demand Avoidance if you didn’t know 😊)

Or maybe less of the A meaning avoidance but definitely the A meaning anxiety.

Pathological demand anxiety - is that a thing? It should be.

I do this thing where I know I have all these tasks to do. And it just feels like the end of the world. Like I struggle to sleep or breathe or eat properly and I worry about it all SO much and then, when it comes to doing the actual things, they take me like five minutes and it’s no stress at all.

Why? Why do I do that?

But anyways, as soon as I actually just do a little bit of whatever it is I’m worrying about, I remember that it is all okay. And all the ick feelings go away.

So here is my promise to try and do a little bit of the thing from now on, instead of just worrying for weeks - yes?

2. That I have enough time, there is always enough time

This one is a special and, despite her telling me this every week for the last three years, I still don’t think it has sunk in.

It’s a bit related to lesson number one up there, for sure - because the pathological demand anxiety issue is definitely 300% related to the worry that I won’t have time to do all the things ~

Spoiler - I always have time to do all the things & the things I don’t make time for aren’t all that important

~ but I think it also has to do with my inability to fully understand the passing of time.

This plays out two ways for neurodivergents - you’re either always late and missing deadlines or, like me, you are over cautious, constantly ten thousand hours early to any appointment and assume all tasks, no matter how small, will last about a week.

This becomes overwhelming pretty fast.

I would like to learn how to stop doing this, thanks.

There is time. There is always enough time.

3. That I don’t have to say something hugely profound or write a detailed, referenced essay to show up online

Like I just make it so hard for myself. Or I don’t do it at all. There is no in-between.

This newsletter today is my attempt at an in between - how am I doing?

4. That my needs are reasonable. That my whole self is reasonable.

This one really is from , or at least that is who taught me it, as well as it being something I’m working on in therapy lots.

I’ve read a lot of the Brene Brown stuff on shame and the neurotypical NLP coaching stuff about it all being my unconscious mind and how I just need to say the things out loud but like, here’s the thing - autistic folks actually get shamed LOADS. Like in real life. Like, it’s not just my unconscious mind being a dick.

I want to learn that it is okay for me ~

✨To be clear and concise in my written and verbal voice - it does not make me aggressive or rude.

✨To like things to be done a certain way, or to need to know how or when things will happen - it doesn’t make me inflexible or rigid (or if you think it does, I suppose what I mean is that it doesn’t make me a bad person).

✨To check out of friendships and to need lots of time by myself/ in my own head - this doesn’t make me a bad friend/ an uncompassionate/ bad person either

Basically, I want to learn wholeheartedly that I am an okay human and my needs are reasonable and I want it to feel less rubbish when I have to stop talking to people who can’t accept that. Okay, maybe that last part won’t ever quite happen, but still…

5. That everything flows and there is no real reason why it’s going horribly wrong* today other than that is just how today was meant to go

I have this awful habit of just sitting in the sadness or the struggle and blaming myself for it.

E.g.

For the last 12 months (lets say more like 24 months? 😐) I have really struggled with being in the lab and progressing with my PhD. Like it’s been snail pace slow 🐌 and everything has felt super hard and I have felt like the WORST PERSON EVER. And now, as of the last couple weeks, for no reason whatsoever, it just all feels easy and it’s going super well, thanks.

This won’t last forever either, but I’d love to learn how to not beat myself up so much when I’m in the hard.

*side quest is acknowledging it probably isn’t wrong, it’s just not the kind of right I wanted it to be

That’s probably not all of them but I’ll try and stick with those lessons for now 😅

How about you? Do any of these lessons resonate?

What lessons am I missing above that you’re keen to learn too?

I’d love to hear from you ❤️

Leave a comment

Sending love & compassion,

P.S.

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