Product Management Joke(s)
Over a decade of exposing some of the seamier sides of the profession of Product Management. An irreverent traipse through the thickets, some past wisdom, packaged with wit, profanity, and references to intoxicating substances.
Strap in, it's gonna get bumpy!
The Doctor, The Lawyer, and The Product Manager
A doctor, a lawyer and a product manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.”
The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.”
The product manager says: ” You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife — you can do some product management.
The Three Envelopes
A new Product Manager finds a note and three envelopes on his desk. The note is from his predecessor, and it says, “I’ve left you three envelopes. If you encounter a problem you can’t resolve, open one of the envelopes…”
Three months later, the PM faces his first real challenge: the product he took over mid-way through the development cycle has hit the skids–and the PM senses knives being sharpened and a blamestorm starting to build. The uneasy PM remembers the strange letter left by his predecessor, and opens the first envelope. Inside is this simple message: “Blame your predecessor.” He does, and gets off the hook.
Several months later, the PM’s product line experiences a severe dip in sales and the response from the VP of Sales–widely accepted throughout the organization–is “the product feature set is all wrong”. Panicking, the PM opens the second envelope. It says: “Blame software piracy.” The PM makes his case to senior management, and gets them to agree to a new plan designed to discourage piracy. Within a few weeks, sales are on the rise and the PM looks like a genius.
A year later, at the next crisis, the PM opens the final envelope. It says: “Prepare three envelopes.” (This one was first heard from Chris Cummings circa 2009)
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