by emory

we’ve been gone for a while, huh?

the easiest explanation is simply that jozef and i have been busy, and we’ve had to reassess how pleasure studio fits in our lives and what shape it takes. here, i offer an explanation of what that reassessment looks like for me personally.

you probably noticed that this isn’t a substack post. we decided to migrate off of substack into a space that feels… less commodified, more personal.

i have always loved writing letters. well, actually—i have always loved writing emails. it’s a bit of a shock that i’ve not given writing a contemporary epistolary novel a good-faith effort, since i’ve found emails to be the form in which my best writing takes place. i think what i appreciate about writing emails is that i always know my audience. that creates a certain intimacy.

substack wasn’t conducive to that intimacy. for some types of writing, i don’t care so much about that sort of visibility. i have, for example, a newsletter where i write about pop culture and gender from a queer perspective. i don’t mind sharing those ideas with an anonymous public. but i found that, for pleasure studio, i wanted to write with more vulnerability than i was comfortable with on social media.

and i couldn’t write about pleasure without that vulnerability. not earnestly. my understanding of pleasure is informed and inflected by my own experience; to hide myself from your view while writing about pleasure was incomplete.

i’m not interested in privacy so much as in trust. you are still welcome to share each missive with anyone in your life who you think would like to read something we’ve written. you are also welcome to unsubscribe if you are not interested in this more intimate, personal iteration of pleasure studio. there will be no hard feelings.

what to expect (from me)

i don’t know what jo’s plan is for the newsletter, but i can tell you mine. my “column,” if you will, is going to be what i call the seahorse diaries.

this is why i wanted our newsletter to be a space in which i could be more freely vulnerable:

i am trying to get pregnant.

my thoughts on pleasure, work, and satisfaction are entangled with my thoughts on children, parenthood, and family. i’d like to share those thoughts with you, as well as my experiences as i navigate trying to conceive and (inshallah) pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

as you can imagine, these experiences have been, are, and will be largely shaped by my transmasculinity. they involve new (to me), complex interactions with systems of power and control—and my attempts to resist those systems.

my desire to be a father is intertwined with my desire for liberation. i can no longer write about one without writing about the other.

the subject line of each of these newsletters from me will include “seahorse diaries” so that you can choose whether or not to read. i know that these topics bring up complicated feelings for many people; rest assured that i will not be offended if you would rather not read about this part of my life. i’m sure i’ll write about other topics, too, so you’ll still be able to hear from me even if you don’t want to hear about this.

anyway. more soon. take care of yourselves. love you.

—e