I am a year older.

Or, put another way, I am one day older than I was yesterday.

Growing up, I didn’t love my birthday—at first, because my birthday typically fell in the middle of our moves, which meant I was often celebrating without friends and/or furniture. Later, I cared less about that and more about the reminder of my own mortality. Dramatic for someone who only just reached a quarter of a century of life, I know.

Do birthdays necessarily have to remind us of our inevitable deaths? I don’t know. Mine always has. But in recent years, I’ve tried to push through that discomfort and celebrate anyway, the way I did when I was younger.

My feelings about this are complicated. I can’t think about my birthday without also thinking about the martyrs in Gaza—the babies who never celebrated a birthday. My dear friend in high school, H, who died soon after we each turned sixteen. Trans folks across the country who have given up celebrating birthdays with their families so they could live as their authentic selves; trans folks who have been murdered. People kidnapped by ICE and separated from their families, birthdays spent in detention centers.

There is so much death.

There is so much death, and it terrifies me—but I refuse to let my life be ruled by terror.

When I celebrate my birthday now, it is out of gratitude for being alive. It is a recommitment to my belief that we all deserve peaceful, loving, pleasurable lives—a recommitment to my goal of making that possible for us.

Another year older. Or just another day. Yes, I live to fight another day.

With that, and in honor of my birthday, I would like to share with you the highlights of my twenty-fourth year on Earth. A small celebration of the hard-won pleasure of this past year.

the best of 24

So many naps. Especially in the heat of summer, our little family loves to take afternoon naps under cool sheets any chance we get. Jo is always sleepier than I am, so I get to snap so many cute pics of him and Marmalade snoozing together.

Beach day. When our beloved friend C visited from abroad, we brought them to a beach on Lake Erie to swim (along with our friend N). I am… not a big swimmer, so I spent a lot of time sitting on the beach—after gathering plenty of rocks, of course. Maybe it’s weird, how much pleasure I get out of observing the people I love enjoying their own pleasurable moments, but I can’t help it. I love to see the people I love happy. The water was beautiful on this beach day, which had an almost dreamlike quality.

Nature walks in the preserve. Jo and I spent a lot of early(ish) mornings in a local nature preserve, birdwatching—and at times, chipmunk-watching, since I’m not especially good at guessing whether a little brown blur is a bird or not.

Our house. Call us crazy if you want, but Jo and I decided we wanted to put down roots where we are, especially as we plan for having a baby. So yeah, we’re young and kind of broke, but we bought a house anyway. (The mortgage is less than the rent at our old apartment, so make that make sense.) It’s a fixer-upper that we’ve put a lot of love into, and we’re so incredibly lucky to have a place to call ours.

Walks to the river. One of my favorite parts of our new place is being within walking distance of a sweet little park by the river. I can’t wait to take our kid to the playground there someday; in the meantime, we like to walk down there to look at the birds on the water and enjoy the breeze. Marmalade comes with us sometimes, and we bring a blanket to sit on while we journal or read.

Museum dates. Jo and I have made the most of our museum membership, spending a couple hours on the weekends wandering through exhibits new and old. In the winter, going to the museum is a lifesaver—I’m able to walk around without it being freezing cold, so I don’t go into full hibernation mode.

Our long-belated honeymoon. Over a year after our actual wedding, Jo and I took a trip to Letchworth State Park to celebrate. We went around Thanksgiving, and it was empty. We were even the only people staying at our bed and breakfast for the days we were there! We did some hiking, soaked in a very big bathtub, ate incredible breakfasts, and played a lot of chess. It was the perfect little getaway.

Marmalade’s Christmas PJs. The majority of the photos on my phone are of Marmalade (by, like, a significant margin). Jo found these Christmas pajamas for her, and she was sooooo cute in them! I love how much Marmie enjoys wearing clothes, and she was so cuddly in her little jammies.

My first painting—and first gallery show. Obviously, I painted when I was a little kid, but this was my first serious painting that I ever worked on. It ended up being selected for inclusion in a gallery show, and Jo and I went with our friend N to the opening! I was so honored to have been included, and so proud of the work I did. The painting didn’t sell—but some of the buttons I made that were included in the shop accompanying the show did. It’s always such a privilege to share my art with others, and I’m so touched when people think my work is worth any amount of money. That income, however small, helps support and sustain me and my family.

An adventure-filled day. Okay, I’m just going to say it: the New England Aquarium kind of sucked. It was crowded and noisy and underwhelming. BUT an aquarium is still an aquarium, and I love me some sea creatures! Jo and I went to the aquarium and the Boston Museum of Fine Arts in the same day. It was a lot of walking and I was exhausted by the end, but I was also really proud of myself. I struggle with agoraphobia and severe anxiety (both generalized and social), and there have been times when I couldn’t even imagine being capable of doing a trip like this. But I did the damn thing! I’m so grateful to have such a loving, understanding partner who accompanies and cares for me on these sorts of stressful occasions—I wouldn’t be able to find the fun in these moments without him.

I started smoking again. After a couple years of edibles only, I started smoking again, which has helped me manage my anxiety even better than just edibles alone could. I have more control over how soon I get high—and how high I actually get, especially now that I’m using a dry herb vape. I still benefit from taking edibles when I know I’m going to be doing something especially stressful and/or time-consuming, but being able to smoke a little before going on a neighborhood walk or a quick trip to the store has empowered me to more easily regulate my nervous system so that I can manage the tasks of daily living. (Also, it’s fun.)

A cozier porch. Jo found this patio furniture set on Fceb*k Marketplace, and it’s given us and our friends a comfy place to sit and enjoy the nicer weather as it comes. We’ve had coffee out there in the mornings, played chess out there in the evenings, and journaled out there in the afternoons. It’s another of the many reasons why I’m so grateful for our home.

Our housemate Z moving in. Marmalade’s best friend is our housemate Z, who moved in with us at the start of 2025. Having Z staying with us has truly been such a gift. She’s without a doubt the funniest person I know, her knowledge of the natural world has leveled up our garden, she’s always down to do some arts and crafts—the list goes on. Marmie treats Z like a cool older sister, always desperate to hang out with her. The number of times I’ve found Marmie sitting outside Z’s bedroom door hoping for a chance to slip in for a chill sesh is in the dozens at least. We’ll all miss her so much when she moves out, onto new adventures—but she’ll always be a part of our family, there will always be a place for her at our home if she wants it, and she HAS to at least visit us on the reg!

A goodbye gathering. Speaking of funny friends, our dear V left the country earlier this year—and luckily, Marmalade got to have one last cuddle sesh (nobody chills her out quite like V). While I miss her a lot, I’m so proud of her for embarking on this journey. I’m so grateful for the friendships we’ve formed here in NY, and it’s such a privilege to support the people I love as they grow. So it was a real honor to host V’s going-away party.

Weed Crocs! I know, I know—I already talked about smoking weed. But come on, this is different—it’s fashion. I’ve been told I have to wear house shoes all the time now (damn these flat feet), and Crocs were on the list of recommended shoe choices. I picked out the mossy green color, and then Jo found the Jibbitz and surprised me with them. Aren’t they fucking fire?!

Spending time in the community garden. In response to The Horrors, I wanted to find a hobby that felt restorative and useful to meet the current moment. For me, that looks like learning to grow food and native flora. Jo and Z have put so much work into cleaning up the backyard (the previous homeowner left it littered with debris—broken glass, old asphalt shingles, tires, etc.) and planting our front garden bed, while I’ve spent most of my time working on our plot in the community garden (where I found this little snail).

I’ll leave you with this adorable photo of Marmalade and a thank you. I am so incredibly grateful to each and every one of you for reading Jo and I’s newsletter. We love this little community, and in the year to come, I’m looking forward to finding new ways to strengthen and deepen it. We need each other—we take care of each other.

Sending you all so much love.