These are not pleasant times. Pleasure is difficult to come by.

And yet, we persist in cultivating joy and satisfaction where we can find them because we need pleasure to survive.

We need pleasure to survive.

We need pleasure to survive.

So, to begin, I’m sharing last week’s essay, written by my dear husband Jozef. Proofreading it for him before he sent it out was one of the things that brought me pleasure this month. I know I’m biased, but really—it’s a timely, moving essay that speaks to the heart of the project that is our partnership.

in defense of pleasure - by Jozef O'Malley

resisting resignation to a hateful world

Anyway. That’s all I have for an introduction—maybe Jo will add to it when it’s his turn to add his joys to this week’s newsletter. As for me, I’m going to dive right in.

Emory

I’ve been reading the newsletters of and to help me stay informed in this current political moment.

Erin is a journalist covering politics pertaining to trans life in the United States. Her reporting is vital to ensuring we can even begin to understand the US government’s genocide of trans people, which has accelerated with what I’ve found to be shocking rapidity in just the last two weeks alone. The Trump administration is trying to shock the American people, trying to drown us in executive orders and Senate hearings and ominous emails to civil servants, trying to stun us in the most literal sense of the word: if they can knock us into a dazed semiconsciousness, we won’t be able to effectively organize and mobilize. Erin parses through all the legalese to deliver need-to-know updates to trans people and their allies.

Leo is a journalist covering anti-capitalist personal finance who works to empower queer and trans communities economically. Their writing has taught me new ways of thinking about money and improved my financial literacy. As the world around us feels—is—increasingly unstable, having practical tips and sound advice in this area of my life helps me feel more grounded in all areas of my life.

While it often isn’t pleasant, I do find pleasure and satisfaction in reading these newsletters because they keep me informed and prepared to face both what is here and what is to come. The hard work of survival is satisfying because it reminds me that I want to live.

And, of course, it brings me great pleasure to read the work of trans writers, to support them.

Jozef

I’ve been revisiting the poetry Emory and I have been collecting over the past year in a faux leather notebook that sits on our mantle—the words of Ellen Bass, Maggie Smith, Ayisha Saddiqa, Chia-Lun Chang, Noor Hindi, Li-Young Lee, Tracy K. Smith, Nur Takmani, Miguel de Unamuno, and Diane di Prima have been good company this month. I also read half of Mary Oliver’s essay collection, Upstream, in a bookstore while waiting for an impromptu doctor’s appointment (which softened the blow of my lung capacity taking a hit thanks to long COVID). Her prose is as beautiful as her poetry, so I’ll have to go back for the second half soon.

Emory

This month, I started watching Anthony Bourdain’s early-2000s travel show No Reservations while I knit. There is something queer about Bourdain, the show—though officially neither is.1 I find myself identifying with him: his personality, his attitudes on life. (Not his taste in food, though; I just stare down at my knitting when raw meat appears on camera, which is far more often than I’d like.) And the 2000s of it all—it’s comforting! The more squarish crop of the screen, the goofy special effects, the jerky movements making it clear that a person is holding the camera. “Comforting” is exactly what I need right now. Pairing it with something tactile I can do, specifically making something useful that I’ll give to someone I love (take a wild guess who), has turned it into an almost-nightly ritual.

Jozef

I’ve been tagging along for Emory and Tony’s nightly adventures across the globe (serious question: does he have a deal with the label that made the black and white batik button-down???). Listening to Emory’s commentary is my favorite part of watching reality TV and with this being the first food-related show we’ve watched together, it’s been fun to see what he picks out as interesting.

Emory

I’m really loving Doechii’s Alligator Bites Never Heal right now. She’s up there with Jon Batiste and Chappell Roan for me—just the absolute best of the best, top of her game.

And in the total opposite direction, I’ve been listening to lots of white noise and solfeggio frequencies at night to help me sleep. My anxiety is severe right now, heightened by my deep fear for myself and my community. So I’m doing what I can to tend to that anxiety and hopefully ease it.

Really though, my favorite thing to listen to is whatever my friend Z has to say. Our post-work yap sessions bring me so much joy; she’s just such a clever, hilarious, intelligent person. I love the tangents and excited changes of subject, love riding along with wherever her attention leads her. Because whatever the topic, I know she’ll bring fresh insights and hot takes that are just so engaging and expansive.

Jozef

Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 has been in heavy rotation for me, though I haven’t been listening to as much music as usual now that my drives are spent rehearsing for our local gay men’s chorus. I also listened to the short and sweet audiobook version of The Art of Frugal Hedonism, and Emory has been reading me A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. Last year he read me The Candy House, which revisits Goon Squad’s cast of characters. The nonlinear narrative form of both books lends itself well to reading them out of order, so it’s no issue that I’ve done it backward.

Emory

I’m making plans for my first-ever attempt at gardening. Jo bought me some seeds, and I’ve been mapping out the timing for when I need to start planting each herb or vegetable, where to grow them to enjoy the benefits of companion planting, how to construct a sustainable raised bed—how to nurture a little plant world so that it thrives with mutuality and care. Hopefully, I’ll be savoring the pleasure of eating food I grew myself in six months or so.

Jozef

I’ve been enjoying maintenance tasks this month, lighting a candle when I do the dishes, relishing the luxury of having a washer and dryer of our own, and taking my time planning meals and grocery shopping. My Grief Studies cohort continues to meet every Sunday even though our class is officially over to work on a zine, and being in the presence of other people committed to witnessing and sharing grief alongside each other is such a gift.

Emory

I’ve been relishing the simple pleasure of my favorite dessert, mint chocolate chip ice cream, to ensure I end each day—no matter how difficult—with something sweet.

Jozef

I’ve been enjoying meal planning, including drawing little pictures of whatever dish is on the menu for a given night’s dinner. Shockingly, it’s meant that I’ve actually made what I planned to make about 80% of the time! I’ve been experimenting with mainly cooking vegetarian dishes to keep us on budget, and I have to say that I really don’t miss handling meat at all. Tofu, beans, and nuts are all much less slimy and unappealing in their raw forms than meat products and the switch has meant we can stretch our paycheck a bit further to buy more local and fair trade foods.