The Lord of the Reads, Part 1: The Fellowship of the Ring
Hail and well met, noble traveler. Lets talk about fantasy.
Specifically, the fantasy that has defined what fantasy is as a genre for the last 70 years or so.
Back in April, I decided to finally, truly, for real this time, read JRR Tolkien’s THE LORD OF THE RINGS. While it had been difficult to start in past, I decided to go into this book with an open heart and enjoy myself. And I did enjoy myself! I started posting on Bluesky about it. The thread got quite long, and surprisingly popular. But it’s not easy to read long threads on Bluesky, so I thought I put it all here in the newsletter for the month of July; three books, the appendices, and then wrap-up. Let’s journey together, shall we?
Feel free to put on your elf ears, pick up your own copy of THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING and follow along:
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Making my way through LORD OF THE RINGS for the first time and I will admit to being charmed by how Tolkien goes out of his way to explain why the hobbits have tobacco but says nothing about why there's fireworks but no cannons.
I know Gandalf made the fireworks, but its implied in the laundry list of firework types that these are things many cultures of Middle Earth have, and none of them have decided to turn them into guns. Honestly, I respect it.
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Tolkien: Nothing is more important than verisimilitude.
Also Tolkien: "It rushed like an express train"
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Like Bilbo, I too have been specializing in food for many years.
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Bilbo leaving a busybody cousin who kept sending him letters a wastepaper basket is a level of petty I didn't think was possible.
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Frodo being 50 in this is such a wild swing. 17 years go by between chapters and Frodo doesn't change that much. I'm not certain what it adds... (looks up how old Tolkien was when writing THE LORD OF THE RINGS)...oh, okay. I get it. Carry on.
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Sam being a weeb for elves is so cute.
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"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
BOOM! Mic drop!
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After listening to Gandalf talk about how important it is for Frodo to leave the Shire immediately for most of Chapter 2, Frodo proceeds to fuck around for two whole weeks. I appreciate the Refusal of the Call as much as the next Hero's Journeyer, but get it together, Frodo! Back a bag and git!
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There's something very deliberate that Tolkien is doing here with time, things that happened long ago affecting the now, the now stretching on and on.
The past didn't go anywhere. It isn't even past.
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, the vicious, conniving shrew that everyone hates?
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Sam may be a weeb for elves, but Frodo can spot a High Elf at fifty paces AND knows their language. Buncha nerds, these hobbits.
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I love that the stereotype of elves is that they give shitty advice
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Sam meets some elves and immediately starts acting like a closet case who has just met real live gay people for the first time.
"I don't know what I want, but I know its ahead of me."
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After an arduous journey full of scrapes and difficulties, in fear for their lives from monstrous riders, our heroes find themselves...still in the Shire. At a farm Frodo stole mushrooms from as a child.
The present stretches out endlessly, and the past will catch up with you if you're not careful.
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Frodo, despite being a fifty-year-old man, is far and away the most childlike of the four hobbits. The curse of The One Ring is stasis, and I do like the implication that Frodo has been affected by it's background radiation long before Bilbo handed it over.
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MERRY: We've got the perfect body double for when you're away. Its the hobbit who's only character traits are cowardice and an immense appetite. You know, the one we all call "Fatty."
FRODO: Now, I don't think...
MERRY: He's already tried on your clothes and they fit perfectly!
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MERRY: Remember that time we waged war on the trees?
FRODO: You what?
MERRY: Yeah, they didn't think much of our hedge. So we chopped 'em up burned 'em all down! (nervous laugh) They don't like us much any more.
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Tom Bombadil: God of Theater Kids
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Goldberry, Tom Bombadil's sexy lamp?
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There's something interesting about Tom Bombadil's house being so inviting and friendly but also so guaranteed to give the visitors nightmares while they sleep the hosts feel the need to repeatedly warn them about it.
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Years ago, when I met my first agent in person for the first time, none other than CHRIS CLAREMONT burst into the room to rant about a particular frustrating call with an editor. And when that happened, I realized I was now part of a larger world. That is why Tom Bombadil shows up.
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I may be Tom Bombapilled.
There's something charming about our heroes meeting a nature spirit, and having him be a longwinded old stoner. Tom Bombadil is the song the Middle Earth sings, because it is, at its heart, a very silly place.
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I do like that Tom Bombadil treats The One Ring as a trinket, something amusing for a moment, but nothing more. A man of glacial experience, our Tom.
EVERYONE IN MIDDLE EARTH: The reappearance of The One Ring is the most important thing to ever happen.
TOM BOMBADIL: But for me, it was Tuesday.
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It must have killed Peter Jackson not to include the Barrow Wights.
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FRODO: Tom, you're an omnipotent nature spirit. Will you come with us on our dangerous journey?
TOM BOMBADIL: I’m gonna go home and sleep with my wife.
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Frodo utterly beefing every single interaction when they get to Bree is so good. He's a child playing at being an adult away from home for the first time and making all the wrong moves.
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STRIDER: You need to be less trusting.
FRODO: Who the fuck are you and why you are in our business?
STRIDER: Okay, be a little more trusting than that.
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The book's tone changes when Strider joins the party. The adventures up until now would have not been out of place in THE HOBBIT, but now we leave the storybook quality behind and High Fantasy takes over.
Strider carries a broken sword and a mysterious poem! We are lore-dropping all over the place!
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...but despite Strider's call for a more adult adventure to start immediately, our heroes are once again delayed. It takes them three hours to leave Bree, and most of that is spent sitting around.
Even Aragorn cannot speed to his future. His present stretches out like everyone else's.
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ARAGORN: This is Weathertop. From here you can see the vast expanse of the countryside. Take in the glorious magesty of Middle Earth!
FRODO: (looks around) I want to go home.
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I don't know how I feel about Aragorn healing Frodo with an invasive plant. I expect more of you, my guy.
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Frodo travels through hills Bilbo once traveled through, marked by the ruins of towers built by men ages past who also were corrupted by a great evil.
Time is a flat circle.
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Stop staying "troll hole," Tolkien.
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I know Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens were the ones who put Arwen saving Frodo, but I was still disappointed when Glorfindel showed up.
I've read THE SIMARILLION! Glorfindel fights a Balrog and wins! And yet, when he showed up, I was all "Ugh, this guy? Whatever. Wish it was Arwen."
(yes, it’s the same Glorfindel. I believe if you crack open your copy of THE PEOPLES OF MIDDLE-EARTH, you'll find an essay where Tolkien says that the Glorfindel in THE SIMARILLIAN is the same guy in LOTR, having been sent back to Middle Earth thousands of years after his death by the Vanar)
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Frodo is childlike, but he is also brave. And that bravery is not a child's defiance, but real hero stuff. What's interesting is that Frodo finds his courage when he needs it the most. But short of assured destruction, he's callow and fearful.
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Frodo looks in the mirror and sees himself as both younger and older. The past isn't past, and the now goes on forever.
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I'm sorry, but Tolkien knew exactly what he was doing when Sam gently strokes Frodo's hand and turns away blushing like a schoolgirl with a crush.
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Pippin is always ready to take the piss out of Gandalf, and for that, he has my respect.
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Arwen, who does not say one word for the entire length of her introductory scene?
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But why would you need an impressive Elven princess to say anything when there's a…(checks notes)…a dwarf to catch you up on what's happened to the all-male cast of THE HOBBIT? That can't be right
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Tolkien's sudden disinterest in his own elves is so weird.
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"Time doesn't seem to pass here. It just is."
Thanks for underlining a major theme, Bilbo. 'Preciate you.
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"Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not." Bilbo outright stating a major theme once again.
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I like how the Council of Elrond is just people saying "Someone else should do something" in variety of different ways.
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"I am but the heir of Isildur, not Isildur himself." Aragorn has seen too much to believe that time is a flat circle. This battle cannot be won by one man with one sword who got a lucky shot in.
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ELROND: Bilbo, tell this council how you found the Ring.
BILBO: Can we break for lunch first?
ELROND: Absolutely not.
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GALDOR: Why isn't Saruman here?
GANDALF: (deep sigh) You would not believe how long Saruman has been a piece of shit.
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ELROND: You met Tom Bombadil, Frodo? Aw, shit, that's my boy!
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ERESTOR: Would Tom Bombadil not take the ring, and keep it forever harmless?
GANDALF: Trust that stoner to keep track of something? Seriously?
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Again, Frodo's courage exists only when all other options are exhausted. He volunteers to take the ring only because no one else will.
Everyone sits in silence, waiting for someone else to speak up. And since no one does, Frodo has to.
I mean, Bilbo volunteers, but everyone says "You aren't going to survive the week let alone a trip to Mordor, and you could barely get rid of it the first time," so that hardly counts.
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Despite Gandalf's insistence on urgency, Frodo has to wait two months before the Fellowship is chosen and then another week before he can leave. But he gets Bilbo's Sting. Isildur's sword is reforged and placed in Aragorn's scabbard.
The future is difficult to reach, and we carry the past with us.
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Elrond and Gimli's fight to have the last word ended far too soon.
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Arwen, who does not say one word for the entire length of Frodo's time at Rivendell?
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GANDALF: This looks like a nice cheery place to set up camp.
LEGOLAS: I hear the stones lamenting the loss of people long past. They mourn for the elves who have gone.
GANDALF: We're still setting up camp here.
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Aragorn seriously pulling a "It's quiet...a little too quiet."
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Oh, I see how it is, Aragorn. When its birds in league with the Dark Lord, THEN you care about invasive species.
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GANDALF: The path you chose is fucked, Aragorn.
ARAGORN: This whole journey is fucked. So keep your opinions to yourself.
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This part is so great. Our heroes are beaten down not by monsters or an army, but by weather and weariness.
Sauron may have sent the snow storm, but they were still planning climb over mountains. This journey is breaking them down, and it's only just begun.
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GANDALF: Here is Moria, an ancient Dwarven and Elven stronghold. I know everything about it.
BOROMIR: What's the password to get inside, then?
GANDALF: ...everything but that.
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We're repeatedly seeing the limits of Gandalf's power. He gets cold feet in the snow like anyone else (save Legolas). It takes Merry's offhand comment to spark the answer of Moria's locked door.
He literally and figuratively cannot make fire without kindling.
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SAM: How could dwarves live in such darkness?
GIMLI: ...
SAM: What?
GIMLI: We know how lamps work, Sam.
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GIMLI: Just for that, I'm going to sing a song.
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They have a cave troll.
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This is this first time we see orcs, and a "tall" orc chieftain is described as "almost man-high."
I'm so used to seeing orcs portrayed as giants that Tolkien having them top out at around 5'6" is giving me the giggles.
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Gandalf, a representative of an age long past, is claimed by a monster as old--if not older--than he is, an ancient mine entombing them both.
The Fellowship has lost their most vocal connection to the past. Now they only have the present.
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ARAGORN: (holding up healing herbs) They are dry and some of their virtue is gone.
ME: Yeah, me too.
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ARAGORN: Let's go through Lothlórien.
BOROMIR: You mean the forest no one comes out of?
ARAGORN: Yeah, that's the one.
BOROMIR: Can we not just have a normal road?!?
ARAGORN: There's not really a normal road to Mount Doom, bro.
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Everyone loves Lothlórien elves, the lovely elves that live in the trees! (5 pages later) We regret to inform you the elves are racist.
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Lothlórien is locked in time, still clinging to the old ways--and old prejudices--of centuries ago. The past didn't go anywhere. It isn't even past.
Sam, who spent 3 months in Rivendell: "This is more elvish than anything I've ever heard tell of."
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CELEBORN: Sorry about the racism. That was messed up. My bad.
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So, Galadriel is tall, beautiful and speaks in a low voice? We love a trans queen.
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SAM: Sure wish we could see some elf magic. You'd think Galadriel would know some.
GALADRIEL: (suddenly behind Sam) Heard you were talking shit.
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FRODO: You're wise. You take the Ring.
GALADRIEL: lol lmao
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Interesting that here, Frodo's childlike nature is positioned not as a weakness but a strength. Galadriel desire to do great things would ultimately be corrupted, but Frodo doesn't have that ego. He just wants to live in the Shire and throw an extravagant birthday party every year.
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Galadriel chides Frodo for not exploring the Ring's full potential, something he never even tried once despite owning it for 17 years. The One Ring is thwarted by Frodo's utter and complete lack of curiosity.
Bilbo wanted to left alone, so the Ring made him invisible. Frodo wants a house with a garden and Sam, which he already had. What can a magical ring possibly offer him?
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Galadriel, whose main character traits are reading your mind without permission and being aloof?
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Giving the elves exposition is ingenious, because its quite clear they think non-elves can't find their own buttholes to fart without assistance.
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CELEBORN: ...there you will find Nindalf, or "Wet Wang" as it is known in your tongue.
ME: (stifles a giggle)
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GALADRIEL: And what gift would you like?
GIMILI: Can I be real creepy for a minute?
GALADRIEL: Sure thing. Cool if slip a racial insult in my response?
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The dynamic of Boromir really wanting to be in charge but no one listening to him and everyone looking to Aragorn who doesn't know what to do is pretty great.
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I can't stop thinking about the gifts Galadriel gave the Fellowship. It starts out well with a jewel-encrusted scabbard and the greatest bow and arrows ever made. But then it's 3 hairs, a box of dirt and a glass of water.
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In boats provided by the elves, without Gandalf to lead them and Aragorn's reluctance to make decisions, the Fellowship is literally and figuratively adrift.
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The time spent in Lothlórien, full of ancient elves steeped in history, has sped by—Sam thought it was three days, but it turns out they spent a month there. Even on mission of world-threatening urgency, our heroes are delayed.
The past isn't past, and the future is difficult to reach.
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Awww, Boromir is concerned about his companions' short little legs!
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Okay, so. The Gates of Argonath. The Pillars of Kings. The colossi of Isildur and Anárion.
It goes without saying that these enormous monuments represent the mutability of time and how the past is still present, right? We get that. That's a major theme of this book.
But also! They represent something we've heard hinted at but not really confronted directly: a lost Golden Age. Not only under the rule of these kings, but also the era of when these massive statues were designed & carved. Things were clearly better in the past, or these stone dudes wouldn't exist.
These statues have an effect on Aragorn. Not just seeing them, but passing through them into what was once Gondor brings a sparkle to his eye and spring to his step. Aragorn--not Isildur himself, but the closest we've got--is invigorated by the physical closeness of his homeland.
While Frodo, Sam, Pippen and Merry are going farther from the land of their heritage, Aragorn is going BACK. Frodo's challenge is to leave, but Aragorn's is to return.
This Golden Age was one of borders and hostility. The statues of Isildur and Anárion hold axes in one hand and lift the other in a warning to outsiders. This is a show of wealth and strength, poised as a threat.
Percy Bysshe Shelley's Ozymandias wishes.
Everything was better, but it was also worse. Everything was great, but it also fell. These battles were fought before, but they must now be fought in a different way.
For all the glories of the past, all that remains is the darkness it could never quite extinguish.
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Boromir wants Frodo to trust in the walls of Gondor. But Frodo, who has just seen the Gates of Argonath, knows that Boromir's promise of martial protection will not be enough. If it wasn't enough during the Golden Age, it certainly won't be now.
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Here, finally, is the payoff for hundreds of pages of delays and dalliances: Frodo realizes they are out of time.
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BOROMIR: What have I said? What have I done?
GALADRIEL: (miles away in Lothlórien, suddenly noticing something no one else can see) Looks like someone didn't pass the test.
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Frodo sits at the Seat of Amon Hen, the "Seat of Seeing," and beholds a vision of the very thing he had tried so hard to ignore back at the Shire: the outside world. And to his horror, the outside world looks back.
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Frodo chooses to brave and head to Mount Doom alone for the same reason he always chooses to be brave: there is no one else.
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Sam figures out what Frodo's up to before everyone else (of course) and gets Frodo's attention the only way guaranteed to work: nearly drowning the river.
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Then Frodo and Sam confess their undying love for each other. Okay, they don't. But also, they don't not, if you catch my meaning.
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People complain about Tolkien's less than stellar treatment of female characters, but what about Arwen, who does not say one word for the entire length of THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING?
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And that's it for THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING! I enjoyed it much more than I thought I was going to. Thanks for coming along with me on this. Next week we’ll get into THE TWO TOWERS.
Meanwhile, I haven’t abandoned SCOESBY CUTS A RUG. See, here’s page 9, where we’re starting to get to the heart of the matter. The next two pages are a double page spread, already on the Patreon.
