Why Are We Doing The National Anthem At The Home Run Derby?
A Piffany About A Pastime Tradition That Has Passed Its Time Sure, there are too, too many serious things I could be, should be, would be writing about. But...
Beans, Greens, Potatoes, Red Lobster?
A Piffany About Capitalism Capitalizing On Memes Hi! I know it has been a while. I've been busy with freelance work as well as developing my other...
For Your Grammy Consideration
I launched Piffany because I wanted to stretch my writing and reporting muscles by breaking out of the comedy-centric coverage I created for myself with The...
So we're doing this now?
Hello, readers! Welcome to Piffany on Buttondown! Thanks for reading. If you'd like to help support me financially, too, here's a handy button to donate...
Now What?
Last things first, in case you’re wondering why you haven’t received many emails from me recently — I’m OK, but is Substack OK? I’m increasingly not so sure....
The Old Man and The Hat
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (Lucasfilm); Cillian Murphy in Oppenheimer (Universal Pictures); Timothy Olyphant in Justified: City...
What's Left Behind For The Last Of Us?
Did you have a happy Earth Day, Earthlings! May we now please look away from Season 3 of The Mandalorian, which exists in a galaxy far, far away where...
"Groundhog Day," 30 Years Later
I’m a jumble of emotions today, so please bear with me in advance for that. Or rather, for the sake of remaining in the zeitgeist, I’m a Wordle of emotions,...
"I Didn't Think We Were Rowing," My Favorite Pop Culture of 2022
My Year In Movies I didn’t need Nicole Kidman to remind me about the perfect, powerful magic of seeing movies on the big screen at the cinema. Mostly because...
Where Do We Go Now?
Hi Axl! We’re barely a month removed from the U.S. elections (where Republicans proved themselves too hostile for a hostile takeover) and the change of...
Please Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself
Imagine: Someone thinking I could sell newspapers! Last things first, sorry not sorry for referencing both old Jay-Z and new Taylor Swift, for as a...
Nightmare On Vasovagal Street
For my regular subscribers, I know I owe you multiple Last Things First transcripts from October, so please prepare for a deluge…should I not send all of...
Solving The Columbus Day Problem
Christopher Columbus statute in Astoria, Queens, August 2017. Photo by me. Driving a friend across town for errands this weekend, she pointed at the...
How To Manufacture An Epiphany
I went on holiday (holiday? not quite holy days for me, although ‘twas for some of thee; vacation? no, not quite vacare, as the Latins first put it, since I...
Are We Alone In The Universe? NOPE
Images from the James Webb Space Telescope, taken July 2022 (Earth time) Even as a young boy, I understood that we couldn’t possibly be alone in the...
Movie review: "Fourth of July"
Most movies about alcoholics focus on the bottoming out, that moment when the addict reaches the jumping-off point and manages to either find the gift of...
Les États-Unis Now Openly Admits To Planning Coup D'Etats
Even Jake Tapper was caught a bit off guard when, during an otherwise routine live CNN interview Tuesday with John Bolton, the former White House national...
How Do We Remain Civil And Still Hope To Win An Unending Civil War?
The Jefferson Memorial doesn’t get nearly the glory from our culture compared to its nearby National Mall monuments memorializing Lincoln or Washington....
Another Piffany About Piffany
So. Yeah. It’s been awhile, indeed. Sorry not sorry. Did you know Substack now allows us to embed TikToks? Finally! I don’t have a particular TikTok to share...
The White House Correspondents Dinner Insults Both Nerds and Proms
Stephen Colbert, shown skewering the Bush Administration in front of President George W. Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association dinner What...
"Everything Everywhere All At Once"
Michelle Yeoh, deserving all of the awards. (Photo by A24) I held off posting this for a couple of weeks now, all because a friend of mine had not yet seen...
The Grammys: A Sick Joke
Bo Burnham made the most vital comedy record during the 2020-2021 eligibility year for the 2022 Grammys — yet the Recording Academy, for all of its big talk...
Never Mind The Oscars Chaos, We Must Confront The SNAFUs That Plague The EGOTs
Even before The Slap, I’d come to a stunning realization — an epiphany, you might say — about the Academy Awards while watching this Sunday’s telecast. Sean...
We Need To Talk About Why We Don’t Want To Talk About Cosby
No matter how you feel about whether the court system served justice to or against Bill Cosby, you have to reckon with the new knowledge you have about the...
And Now A Word For Our Sponsors
Every Substack newsletter, including and especially this one, depends upon the support of subscribers like you. I’m grateful for the platform, and continue...
Forget Batman Or Bond: Pennyworth Is The Reboot We Needed Now
Pennyworth (EPIX/HBO Max) Have millions of us felt safe enough this March to pack into cineplexes near us just to see Robert Pattinson’s take as The Batman?...
History Repeating? This Ain't Your Grandpa's "Animal Farm" Nor Your Ma's Chicken Kiev
Do you know who that is? Do you know where that is? Do you know when that is? Context clues from my headline provide hints as to the where of it all, but the...
Babble On: What This Viral AP Polyglot Clip Says About Americans
Philip Crowther works as an international affiliate correspondent for The Associated Press, based in Luxembourg, which normally wouldn’t draw any more...
When A Hack Is Nothing Of The Sort
Look. I get it. I’m not completely lacking in self-awareness. Vladimir Putin wants to restore Russia to its former “glory” and so he’s invading Ukraine...
What’s So Funny About Gambling Your Life Away?
What are the odds that all four NFL playoff games last weekend would end so dramatically and so wildly? Wait, don’t tell me the odds. Never tell me the odds....
A Year In Piffany: 2021
What a year. What a Dickensian clusterfart of a year, what with the best of times at times both personally and professionally, counterbalanced by the worst...
A Piffany About West Side Story
Many folks consider West Side Story a musical theater masterpiece. That, despite the 1961 Best Picture Oscar-winning film casting a daughter of Russian...
A Piffany About Royalties and Rights
One of the guiding principles of this here Substack, Piffany, reminds me to remind us that history doesn’t so much repeat itself as much as we forget to...
History Repeating: 11/12/21
History Repeating is a new feature here at Piffany! A semi-regular, or perhaps regular, column examining just how much time exists on a flat circle (perhaps...
A Piffany About Our Eternals Struggle To Justify Our Existence
Life bedeviled me more than usual this week, so much so that by last night, I really needed to clear my head. Chemicals don’t work; only make my problems...
A Piffany About Hollywood Finding My Safe Houses In Norway
People who love to watch the end credits of movies do so for their own reasons. Some to find out who portrayed a certain character. Some to find out the...
A Piffany About Critical (Race) Theory
A Venn diagram would find some suspicious overlapping among the folks who show up at school board meetings and decry “critical race theory” alongside the...
A Piffany Is A Powerful Drug, But Sadly Not Always More Powerful Than Drugs
Did you know September is National Recovery Month? Forget about whether that lede is “too soon.” The sad fact remains — it’s too late for too many people to...
A Piffany About Math In The Time Of COVID-19
Above: Today’s statistics, released the morning of Sept. 2, 2021, counting how many Americans have received all of their recommended vaccination shots in the...
An Epiphany About The Future of Piffany
While on a walkabout today at my local waterfront park, I realized I’m on the verge of not just a milestone birthday, but also two landmark anniversaries in...
A Piffany About Sports (and Comedy and The Olympics)
It all started with good intentions, didn’t it? I could be referring to the above image, capturing the first-ever 100-meter dash that opened the first...
A Piffany About Fast Food Fish
I do not recall when I first noticed this, just that I cannot not notice it now. Every year, without fail, the week of Mardi Gras heralds a new season of...
Mini Piffanies About Zack Snyder's Justice League
While the situation revolving around paid newsletter platforms continues to evolve, so I’m not any closer to making this Substack paid as of yet, please...
A Piffany About Clout Chasing And Complicity
I knew the exact moment my time in tabloid journalism had expired. You’d get partial credit if you guessed my very first day on staff at the New York Daily...
A Piffany About Badvertising
Despite existing in one form or another for several centuries now, advertising remains an immature medium. Sometimes all too literally. “Sex sells.” “There’s...
A Piffany About Groundhog Day
Originally published today for Decider.com with the headline:Stuck In Self-Pity, Addiction or Just Plain Stuck? Watch and Learn From ‘Groundhog Day’Here’s...
A Piffany About Privilege Trumping Politics
So. About this.How can so many people get it so wrong, all in their quest to be right? Well, let’s get into it. On Sunday afternoon, people watching NFL on...
A Piffany about the Nonprofitability of News
Earlier this week, The Salt Lake Tribune announced a plan to seek nonprofit status, shifting from a privately-owned business to a “community asset.”Paul...
A Piffany about Gods and Superheroes
As a child, every so often, I’d let out a “Shazam!” whether the situation called for it or not.As a grown-up man-child, I still did! Or still do. But I...
A Piffany about Getting Into College
College admissions do not happen in a vacuum. Nor does each individual applicant’s journey.Thirty years ago this week, a slender envelope began to make its...