The Cherry Orchard Diaries: Script Drafts
Hello hello,
Thanks for the lovely response to last week's letter. It's nice to be back. This week won't be so heavy (or long!) and I'll try to keep these generally bite-sized in future.
So having looked at the origins of my adaptation of The Cherry Orchard (which I realised I should probably be plugging? Click here for fun times!), I thought I'd work through the different versions of it and talk through what shifted and why.
The Literal Translation
Word Count: 18,862
Date: Not sure - the original play was first performed 17th January 1904
My adaptation is based on a literal translation by Helen Rappaport. If you're not familiar with what a literal translation is, it's essentially a translation that tries to stick as closely as it can to the source material. I'd read and seen the play before, and I'd also hoovered up as many other versions of it I could find to get a sense of what others had done. Some of them were very faithful, some of them were chopped right down, some of them were near-total reimaginings. But it's Helen's text that was the basis for mine.
To ease myself in, I started by going through Helen's version and shifted the names to ones that better fit the heritage of the character set I was working with. They were all chosen to sound a bit like the originals (so 'Firs' became 'Feroze'). I also made initial notes of what sci-fi concepts might stand in for some of the imagery present in original. I had an instinct that I wanted this to land on the poppier end of sci-fi, rather than go for a "hard" science angle. Stuff an audience might have some grasp of so it's easy to pick up and wouldn't need too much explaining.
(For what it's worth, I immediately ruled out the ship itself being called "The Cherry Orchard" as a terrible idea)
Draft One
Word Count: 17,391
Date: February 2020
I started properly writing in January 2020 (I think) and this draft was one where I knew that the job was to just make the brute force transposition of the setting and characters happen. I also knew I'd never get this thing away with the original character set (15 with added guests, servants) so crunching the cast was important. I bring it down to 9 by directly combining some characters and filtering attributes of some into the others. It's pretty inelegant at this point - it all works, but these characters are clearly not quite their own yet nor do they fully sing in this new context.
I wasn't quite sure were to go next with this, so I did something I normally done and had a reading of this first draft in April 2020. It was useful to get an idea of how this version would flow (albeit, Zoom doesn't give the full sense of that) and, errr, how often the women were "on the edge of tears". Which I wanted a little less off for sure...
Among other things, notes encouraged me to be "less polite" and think about that ship's relationship to theatre.
Draft Two
Word Count: 19,240
Date: December 2020
Quite a big time jump there, hey? As you may remember, there were Some Things going on. Honestly, it was hard to believe that theatre was ever coming back at this point, let alone put on plays with nine people in them or more. I poked at it for months before finding the will to come to it again. I made a list of what these characters now sound like to me. This version was where I started to let myself play with the text a bit more. I shifted the language line by line more heavily away from Helen's version so that it begins to properly take on my voice. I filled out the world (notice the jump in word count) and started to shape slightly different trajectories for these characters in this context. Captain Lakshmi Ramesh (first name from my niece born January of that year!) who is Lyubov Ranevskaya in the original became Prema Ramesh to match the meanings of the names ("Love").
Here's a checklist/worksheet I made for myself, setting out what I wanted to do (some mild spoilers). Notice it's from April. Man.
It's getting there, but still feels too much Chekov's creation. While my aim has always been to make my version feel like it's embracing the original rather than rejecting it, I'm being too cautious (despite having already moved the action onto a spaceship). The notes I get from the producers are positive and urge me to really go for it, to make this mine. To embrace the thematic space that this version occupies that Chekov's original does not and to let that inform the characters and events more fully.
(This is the first draft that I shared with friends).
Draft Three
Word Count: 20,740 (lol)
Date: March 2021
So yeah. I really went for it. If you've read last week's letter, this is the version that sort of brought me back to myself as a writer after both some project and family grief. All my feeling went into it. All my lockdown blues. I was vulnerable with it in a way that I hadn't been before but also properly embraced what I was doing here. I think before I'd found it hard to escape the feeling that the whole thing was a bit silly? No more. All heart, no shame.
Looking back now, it's sort of hard to get a handle on what exactly happened but this was one of those rare, wonderful moments where there's a kind of alchemy that occurs in the writing. Responses to my earlier drafts were decent and encouraging. Responses to this draft were electric, across the board. I was thrilled. That had not happened to me in a while but reminded me that so much of creating good work is in the drafting process. Craft and diligence not insta-genius. Also it felt like a reward for letting myself be vulnerable in the work again, which was nice in a time when I was not emotionally in a great place. Crucially, I was able to identify this as a good draft. I think we can have a tendency to play down our work, and pre-load emails saying how its awful and to be kind. And sometimes you need to do that! Sometimes it isn't there yet. But if you do that, I think you do need to be able to also articulate when you think something is decent too.
The play was programmed off of this draft and it's the version that was sent to the director and actors.
Draft Four (and a bit)
Word Count: 20,000ish
Date: March-May 2022
Lots of rewriting for clarity, tightening up of images and pushing some characterful moments.
Rehearsal Draft
Word Count: 19,965
Date: 20th July 2022
Yes! I did just hand this in. Yes! It has taken up more of my life and writing time than I had hoped (again, sorry the people I owe work too), but with rehearsals starting on Monday it was sort of hard not to. And like, at this point? I love this play so much. Honestly, I am struggling with writing generally but it's always a joy to open up this document and just tweak and deepen and tighten and find a resonant moment here and a joke there. This is the good part. But also? I hope that I never have to open this document again. Complicated feelings!
This draft was mainly adjustments that responded to the reality of the production, now we've an idea of what the set will roughly be like. I've tried to not write too directly to this production but it's definitely the moment that it left the dreamscape in my head and I started tweaking while holding the image of the stage we'll actually have. Bit more clarity, bit more trimming, bit more exposition in places that probably need it. I also put a joke back in to the draft, which I never usually do but it was such a joy in auditions I couldn't bare to be without it. Am remembering Russell T Davies coming to talk to us and saying: "Why would I kill my darlings?! I love my darlings!" or words to that effect. He wasn't suggesting that we be indulgent, only that you can sometimes go too far when tightening and remove stuff that made a script mean something to you. This joke was one of those.
Hope you like it.
(I'll never say which one it is)
KITTY KORNER
It's been a tough week for pets, what with the heatwave and that. I often rue that you can't tell an animal when terrible things are coming down the track, and this was no exception. I knew that 39 degrees and 15 year old cats is not a happy combination. But I did my best to prep my flat for it - curtains draw, windows shut, fans blasting all-day long. Pretty Cat even got a haphazard buzzcut. We made it through!
Except. I think it broke Chill Cat's brain a bit? He's started sitting in a pose he's never sat in before - a sort of lounge singer, post-show kinda sprawl. He's also taken up residence in his brother's "house" which he hasn't done before. Maybe Chill is a True Brit and the hot weather brought out the colonial mentality in him? Pray for the cat-sitter who's looking after them this weekend...
Vin x
If you're new to Patelograms and like what you've read, you can subscribe by clicking here.
If you're an old hand, thanks as ever for taking the time.
(The Cherry Orchard runs at the Yard Theatre between 5th September and 22nd October 2022. It then goes to HOME from the 2nd to the 19th November)
Thanks for the lovely response to last week's letter. It's nice to be back. This week won't be so heavy (or long!) and I'll try to keep these generally bite-sized in future.
So having looked at the origins of my adaptation of The Cherry Orchard (which I realised I should probably be plugging? Click here for fun times!), I thought I'd work through the different versions of it and talk through what shifted and why.
The Literal Translation
Word Count: 18,862
Date: Not sure - the original play was first performed 17th January 1904
My adaptation is based on a literal translation by Helen Rappaport. If you're not familiar with what a literal translation is, it's essentially a translation that tries to stick as closely as it can to the source material. I'd read and seen the play before, and I'd also hoovered up as many other versions of it I could find to get a sense of what others had done. Some of them were very faithful, some of them were chopped right down, some of them were near-total reimaginings. But it's Helen's text that was the basis for mine.
To ease myself in, I started by going through Helen's version and shifted the names to ones that better fit the heritage of the character set I was working with. They were all chosen to sound a bit like the originals (so 'Firs' became 'Feroze'). I also made initial notes of what sci-fi concepts might stand in for some of the imagery present in original. I had an instinct that I wanted this to land on the poppier end of sci-fi, rather than go for a "hard" science angle. Stuff an audience might have some grasp of so it's easy to pick up and wouldn't need too much explaining.
(For what it's worth, I immediately ruled out the ship itself being called "The Cherry Orchard" as a terrible idea)
Draft One
Word Count: 17,391
Date: February 2020
I started properly writing in January 2020 (I think) and this draft was one where I knew that the job was to just make the brute force transposition of the setting and characters happen. I also knew I'd never get this thing away with the original character set (15 with added guests, servants) so crunching the cast was important. I bring it down to 9 by directly combining some characters and filtering attributes of some into the others. It's pretty inelegant at this point - it all works, but these characters are clearly not quite their own yet nor do they fully sing in this new context.
I wasn't quite sure were to go next with this, so I did something I normally done and had a reading of this first draft in April 2020. It was useful to get an idea of how this version would flow (albeit, Zoom doesn't give the full sense of that) and, errr, how often the women were "on the edge of tears". Which I wanted a little less off for sure...
Among other things, notes encouraged me to be "less polite" and think about that ship's relationship to theatre.
Draft Two
Word Count: 19,240
Date: December 2020
Quite a big time jump there, hey? As you may remember, there were Some Things going on. Honestly, it was hard to believe that theatre was ever coming back at this point, let alone put on plays with nine people in them or more. I poked at it for months before finding the will to come to it again. I made a list of what these characters now sound like to me. This version was where I started to let myself play with the text a bit more. I shifted the language line by line more heavily away from Helen's version so that it begins to properly take on my voice. I filled out the world (notice the jump in word count) and started to shape slightly different trajectories for these characters in this context. Captain Lakshmi Ramesh (first name from my niece born January of that year!) who is Lyubov Ranevskaya in the original became Prema Ramesh to match the meanings of the names ("Love").
Here's a checklist/worksheet I made for myself, setting out what I wanted to do (some mild spoilers). Notice it's from April. Man.
It's getting there, but still feels too much Chekov's creation. While my aim has always been to make my version feel like it's embracing the original rather than rejecting it, I'm being too cautious (despite having already moved the action onto a spaceship). The notes I get from the producers are positive and urge me to really go for it, to make this mine. To embrace the thematic space that this version occupies that Chekov's original does not and to let that inform the characters and events more fully.
(This is the first draft that I shared with friends).
Draft Three
Word Count: 20,740 (lol)
Date: March 2021
So yeah. I really went for it. If you've read last week's letter, this is the version that sort of brought me back to myself as a writer after both some project and family grief. All my feeling went into it. All my lockdown blues. I was vulnerable with it in a way that I hadn't been before but also properly embraced what I was doing here. I think before I'd found it hard to escape the feeling that the whole thing was a bit silly? No more. All heart, no shame.
Looking back now, it's sort of hard to get a handle on what exactly happened but this was one of those rare, wonderful moments where there's a kind of alchemy that occurs in the writing. Responses to my earlier drafts were decent and encouraging. Responses to this draft were electric, across the board. I was thrilled. That had not happened to me in a while but reminded me that so much of creating good work is in the drafting process. Craft and diligence not insta-genius. Also it felt like a reward for letting myself be vulnerable in the work again, which was nice in a time when I was not emotionally in a great place. Crucially, I was able to identify this as a good draft. I think we can have a tendency to play down our work, and pre-load emails saying how its awful and to be kind. And sometimes you need to do that! Sometimes it isn't there yet. But if you do that, I think you do need to be able to also articulate when you think something is decent too.
The play was programmed off of this draft and it's the version that was sent to the director and actors.
Draft Four (and a bit)
Word Count: 20,000ish
Date: March-May 2022
I errr accidentally overwrote this draft so I can't quite be so precise what with what happened here. I know that that third draft did the job for a good long while and this draft was one where I brought that word count down to a slightly more sane place. I also responded to notes from the director. I believe there was a half-draft in March, with more tweaks along the way, meaning that the document I have says "31st May" even though the majority of the work was done before that.
Lots of rewriting for clarity, tightening up of images and pushing some characterful moments.
Rehearsal Draft
Word Count: 19,965
Date: 20th July 2022
Yes! I did just hand this in. Yes! It has taken up more of my life and writing time than I had hoped (again, sorry the people I owe work too), but with rehearsals starting on Monday it was sort of hard not to. And like, at this point? I love this play so much. Honestly, I am struggling with writing generally but it's always a joy to open up this document and just tweak and deepen and tighten and find a resonant moment here and a joke there. This is the good part. But also? I hope that I never have to open this document again. Complicated feelings!
This draft was mainly adjustments that responded to the reality of the production, now we've an idea of what the set will roughly be like. I've tried to not write too directly to this production but it's definitely the moment that it left the dreamscape in my head and I started tweaking while holding the image of the stage we'll actually have. Bit more clarity, bit more trimming, bit more exposition in places that probably need it. I also put a joke back in to the draft, which I never usually do but it was such a joy in auditions I couldn't bare to be without it. Am remembering Russell T Davies coming to talk to us and saying: "Why would I kill my darlings?! I love my darlings!" or words to that effect. He wasn't suggesting that we be indulgent, only that you can sometimes go too far when tightening and remove stuff that made a script mean something to you. This joke was one of those.
Hope you like it.
(I'll never say which one it is)
KITTY KORNER
It's been a tough week for pets, what with the heatwave and that. I often rue that you can't tell an animal when terrible things are coming down the track, and this was no exception. I knew that 39 degrees and 15 year old cats is not a happy combination. But I did my best to prep my flat for it - curtains draw, windows shut, fans blasting all-day long. Pretty Cat even got a haphazard buzzcut. We made it through!
Except. I think it broke Chill Cat's brain a bit? He's started sitting in a pose he's never sat in before - a sort of lounge singer, post-show kinda sprawl. He's also taken up residence in his brother's "house" which he hasn't done before. Maybe Chill is a True Brit and the hot weather brought out the colonial mentality in him? Pray for the cat-sitter who's looking after them this weekend...
Vin x
If you're new to Patelograms and like what you've read, you can subscribe by clicking here.
If you're an old hand, thanks as ever for taking the time.
(The Cherry Orchard runs at the Yard Theatre between 5th September and 22nd October 2022. It then goes to HOME from the 2nd to the 19th November)
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