#40 - "YOU'RE JOKING! NOT ANOTHER ONE?!"
Number 40! Bloody hell. I've tallied up the amount I've written, it's over 45,000 words which is roughly three 90 minute plays so that's what I might've done with the time. But this is better, right? Have you seen plays? Not great to be honest.
I can already feel the world slowing down for Christmas. More than once, I've had the "let's pick this up in the New Year" e-mail reply and I'm always grateful. At the same time, there's a shedload to get in before Christmas and even if you know none of it will get read until *after* Christmas. One day...I will be on the other side of the Christmas Work Wars...
This week some nice things have happened work wise, including the announcement that An Adventure will be headed to the Octagon Theatre in Bolton as part of Lotte Wakeham's first season. The play was selected by the Octagon to be their Linbury Prize entry, meaning that three young designers created three separate designs for the play. I find the reveal of the design to be one of the most exciting parts of a production coming together since you're so often far from that creative process as a writer. To finally see what a designer has responded to within your work is like unwrapping a secret present and to have three is overwhelming. You can see all of them, as well as the fabulous work of the other entrants, at the National Theatre until March.
LOST IN THE NUMBERS
I have so much I want to say about the state of politics right now, but a week out from the general election I reckon you're probably full of every take you can handle. So in terms of the broader picture, I'll leave you be and just encourage you to take ownership of your choices. Understand the value judgements you're making, the truth of who and what you care about most, the consequences of those cares and how - if it's damaging to others - you meaningfully help to mitigate it. Try not to down-peddle other people's fears and if you're genuinely thinking "I don't understand how anyone could/couldn't vote for X", then work until you do. Even if the answer turns out to be "abject nihilism", it'll definitely help you adjust your responses and tactics so as to better bring them around.
Anyway, this will be the last Patelogram written under this parliament. No doubt that would be a grander statement if we weren't about to have our fourth since 2015 but the polling around the outcome of this one feels particularly bleak. I'm getting through it the way I get through every UK general election: by putting small bets on undervalued safe constituency outcomes. *RESPONSIBILITY KLAXON - DON'T DO THIS YOURSELF PLEASE WITHOUT DOING TONNES OF RESEARCH AND EVEN THEN DON'T SPEND MORE THAN YOU WOULD ON A NIGHT OUT, THANKS LADS*
My own constituency of Vauxhall, a Labour safe seat, was bizarrely priced at 1/3 (So you get £1 back for every £3 you put on) for a Labour victory which - to me - felt like an easy way to make the money for my election all-nighter takeaway. (It's since gone up to 1/10). I think perhaps it was still valued as Kate Hoey being the Labour candidate and she, as one of the Handmaidens of Brexit, might just have suffered against the Lib Dems in this super remain area. She has thankfully stepped down and been replaced by Florence Eshalomi who both knows the constituency well and - unlike Hoey - actually lives in it. Florence is a decent local candidate who wasn't the leadership's choice and is very much her own woman. I'll be voting for her.
Beyond that, the interesting - if somewhat depressing - 'value' (not that betting on relatively safe results is 'value') from what I see available in the betting markets are primarily the places with prominent local factors and secondly where polls such as the YouGov MRP suggests Labour could lose seats to the Conservatives. You can bet on Dennis Skinner getting overturned in Bolsover by the Tories at 1/1 but I don't hate myself enough to do it. Likewise, former Labour MP Chris Williamson is running as an independent in Derby North. He's been there a while and he's high enough profile that he could easily split the Labour vote, especially with the Tories successfully squeezing the Brexit Party. The margin of victory last time was only 2,000 as it is so I can see easily the seat flipping. 1/3 for that result too if you want it. I fear that that particular race is probably done, but the galvanizing (and, from what I've seen, careful) work of canvassers and campaigners means that I retain a slim hope that a thumping majority will be denied to a man and party that absolutely do not deserve that legitimacy.
I will finish this bit by saying that apart from the odd punt on the World Cup, politics is the only thing I bet on. I tell myself it's a way of trying to feel like some agency. One day that might work. For now, I've *also* put a speculative fiver on Boris Johnson himself getting unseated...
Johnson's Uxbridge and South Ruislip constituency, by the way, has an unusual array of individuals running, as one tends to find with the constituencies of Prime Ministers. There's...
- Lord Buckethead, he that taunted Theresa May, (who is running as Count Binface due to a copyright dispute).
- Another Lord Buckethead running for the Monster Raving Looney Party (who reminds me that Monster Raving Looney is my favourite James Graham play and I want it to come back). There will surely be some primo buckethead beef here when the results come through.
- Bobby "Elmo" Smith, a father's rights activist who dresses as Elmo and is leader of the Give Me Back Elmo Party (Elmo is what he calls his daughters).
- And finally, for you Doctor Who fans out there, Yace "Interplanetary Time Lord" Yogenstein.
Each of these people put down a £500 deposit (which they're certain to lose since you need 5% of the vote to get it back) in order to run. That sounds nuts to me, but maybe this is their way of finding agency. Maybe next time I'll skip the betting and throw my disposable income at an underdog parliamentary tilt. If you're interested in doing the same, I can highly recommend Isabel Hardman's Why We Get the Wrong Politicians as a way of making sure you understand what you're getting into and why so many of your future colleagues are so completely awful.
P.S. While I'm recommending things, Democratic Dashboard is a great website to give you a snapshot of different constituencies around the country. An easy one to lose yourself in if you're a politics nerd.
P.S.S. Vauxhall has had its own share of unusual candidacies, but 1989 is probably my 'favourite' mix. I think you'll agree that there is A Lot going on here.
KITTY KORNER
Pretty Cat, I think, is slowly losing it. He occasionally chases things that aren't there. He's gone exploring
's also taken to sleeping much more than usual. The vet gave him a clean bill of health so hopefully it's something he'll get over. Maybe winter arriving bums cats out too? Chill is completely recovered from his operation now and is - if anything - perkier than ever. I just wish he wasn't perky in between my feet at 3.20 AM.
I ordered a packet of dental cat treats as a gesture towards making sure their teeth survive with them...what arrived was a box of twelve packs. Anyone worried about their kitty's oral hygiene, get in touch.
x
If you're new to Patelograms and like what you've read, you can subscribe by clicking here.
If you're an old hand, thanks as ever for taking the time.
I can already feel the world slowing down for Christmas. More than once, I've had the "let's pick this up in the New Year" e-mail reply and I'm always grateful. At the same time, there's a shedload to get in before Christmas and even if you know none of it will get read until *after* Christmas. One day...I will be on the other side of the Christmas Work Wars...
This week some nice things have happened work wise, including the announcement that An Adventure will be headed to the Octagon Theatre in Bolton as part of Lotte Wakeham's first season. The play was selected by the Octagon to be their Linbury Prize entry, meaning that three young designers created three separate designs for the play. I find the reveal of the design to be one of the most exciting parts of a production coming together since you're so often far from that creative process as a writer. To finally see what a designer has responded to within your work is like unwrapping a secret present and to have three is overwhelming. You can see all of them, as well as the fabulous work of the other entrants, at the National Theatre until March.
LOST IN THE NUMBERS
I have so much I want to say about the state of politics right now, but a week out from the general election I reckon you're probably full of every take you can handle. So in terms of the broader picture, I'll leave you be and just encourage you to take ownership of your choices. Understand the value judgements you're making, the truth of who and what you care about most, the consequences of those cares and how - if it's damaging to others - you meaningfully help to mitigate it. Try not to down-peddle other people's fears and if you're genuinely thinking "I don't understand how anyone could/couldn't vote for X", then work until you do. Even if the answer turns out to be "abject nihilism", it'll definitely help you adjust your responses and tactics so as to better bring them around.
Anyway, this will be the last Patelogram written under this parliament. No doubt that would be a grander statement if we weren't about to have our fourth since 2015 but the polling around the outcome of this one feels particularly bleak. I'm getting through it the way I get through every UK general election: by putting small bets on undervalued safe constituency outcomes. *RESPONSIBILITY KLAXON - DON'T DO THIS YOURSELF PLEASE WITHOUT DOING TONNES OF RESEARCH AND EVEN THEN DON'T SPEND MORE THAN YOU WOULD ON A NIGHT OUT, THANKS LADS*
My own constituency of Vauxhall, a Labour safe seat, was bizarrely priced at 1/3 (So you get £1 back for every £3 you put on) for a Labour victory which - to me - felt like an easy way to make the money for my election all-nighter takeaway. (It's since gone up to 1/10). I think perhaps it was still valued as Kate Hoey being the Labour candidate and she, as one of the Handmaidens of Brexit, might just have suffered against the Lib Dems in this super remain area. She has thankfully stepped down and been replaced by Florence Eshalomi who both knows the constituency well and - unlike Hoey - actually lives in it. Florence is a decent local candidate who wasn't the leadership's choice and is very much her own woman. I'll be voting for her.
Beyond that, the interesting - if somewhat depressing - 'value' (not that betting on relatively safe results is 'value') from what I see available in the betting markets are primarily the places with prominent local factors and secondly where polls such as the YouGov MRP suggests Labour could lose seats to the Conservatives. You can bet on Dennis Skinner getting overturned in Bolsover by the Tories at 1/1 but I don't hate myself enough to do it. Likewise, former Labour MP Chris Williamson is running as an independent in Derby North. He's been there a while and he's high enough profile that he could easily split the Labour vote, especially with the Tories successfully squeezing the Brexit Party. The margin of victory last time was only 2,000 as it is so I can see easily the seat flipping. 1/3 for that result too if you want it. I fear that that particular race is probably done, but the galvanizing (and, from what I've seen, careful) work of canvassers and campaigners means that I retain a slim hope that a thumping majority will be denied to a man and party that absolutely do not deserve that legitimacy.
I will finish this bit by saying that apart from the odd punt on the World Cup, politics is the only thing I bet on. I tell myself it's a way of trying to feel like some agency. One day that might work. For now, I've *also* put a speculative fiver on Boris Johnson himself getting unseated...
Johnson's Uxbridge and South Ruislip constituency, by the way, has an unusual array of individuals running, as one tends to find with the constituencies of Prime Ministers. There's...
- Lord Buckethead, he that taunted Theresa May, (who is running as Count Binface due to a copyright dispute).
- Another Lord Buckethead running for the Monster Raving Looney Party (who reminds me that Monster Raving Looney is my favourite James Graham play and I want it to come back). There will surely be some primo buckethead beef here when the results come through.
- Bobby "Elmo" Smith, a father's rights activist who dresses as Elmo and is leader of the Give Me Back Elmo Party (Elmo is what he calls his daughters).
- And finally, for you Doctor Who fans out there, Yace "Interplanetary Time Lord" Yogenstein.
Each of these people put down a £500 deposit (which they're certain to lose since you need 5% of the vote to get it back) in order to run. That sounds nuts to me, but maybe this is their way of finding agency. Maybe next time I'll skip the betting and throw my disposable income at an underdog parliamentary tilt. If you're interested in doing the same, I can highly recommend Isabel Hardman's Why We Get the Wrong Politicians as a way of making sure you understand what you're getting into and why so many of your future colleagues are so completely awful.
P.S. While I'm recommending things, Democratic Dashboard is a great website to give you a snapshot of different constituencies around the country. An easy one to lose yourself in if you're a politics nerd.
P.S.S. Vauxhall has had its own share of unusual candidacies, but 1989 is probably my 'favourite' mix. I think you'll agree that there is A Lot going on here.
KITTY KORNER
Pretty Cat, I think, is slowly losing it. He occasionally chases things that aren't there. He's gone exploring
's also taken to sleeping much more than usual. The vet gave him a clean bill of health so hopefully it's something he'll get over. Maybe winter arriving bums cats out too? Chill is completely recovered from his operation now and is - if anything - perkier than ever. I just wish he wasn't perky in between my feet at 3.20 AM.
I ordered a packet of dental cat treats as a gesture towards making sure their teeth survive with them...what arrived was a box of twelve packs. Anyone worried about their kitty's oral hygiene, get in touch.
x
If you're new to Patelograms and like what you've read, you can subscribe by clicking here.
If you're an old hand, thanks as ever for taking the time.
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