RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14: Big Opening No. 1
Power Rankings with P
Welcome to Power Rankings with P, a newsletter ranking cast members on the reality shows I subject myself to on a weekly basis. What can I say? I love slop.
The start of a new year means a couple of things. Most importantly my birthday, but also a brand new season of RuPaul's Drag Race. Well, the American edition of the show at least; with multiple international versions, All Stars, and now a Global edition of All Stars (what kind of title is UK vs the World though lol), Drag Race is on year round. But my newsletter is focusing on the OG, the mothership, which again split the premiere into 2 episodes. The main challenge this week was an All Stars style talent show, giving a new batch of queens the opportunity to showcase their talents and personalities from the jump. Here's how the first 7 queens of season 14 ranked:
7. Orion Story (eliminated)
Nobody wants to be the first girl to go home, but based on her talent show performance and runway, Orion Story deservedly took that dishonor. Orion's performance transported me to The Annoyance at midnight on a Saturday night, and that is not a place I want to be. Her unpolished character work as Two Stroker the aerobics instructor clearly needed to be workshopped. When she revealed the entire thing was improvised, I was not only surprised but a little insulted. Showing up to Drag Race with nothing more than bad improv? Disrespectful.
6. Alyssa Hunter
Alyssa Hunter is so hot out of drag, I almost ranked her higher. Then I remembered her talent show performance; a rock 'n roll lip sync that did not feel representative of who she is at all, and featuring a heavy amount of prop work. If she actually played the guitar, I might have been impressed. Unfortunately, I was just left disappointed. At least she's hot out of drag!
5. June Jambalaya
Headband aside, June had one of my favorite performances of the night. She absolutely delivered in the talent department. June's African Dance was high energy, visually entertaining, and offered insight as to who June is both as a person and a performer. June's bottom placement was unfair in my eyes, but at least we got to see her deliver a pretty solid lip sync to "Water Me" by guest judge Lizzo. Plus, one of my biggest laughs from the episode came from June comparing Willow Pill out of drag to Macaulay Culkin. She's not wrong!
4. Kerri Colby
Drop dead gorgeous. Just beyond. But, while Kerri is absolutely stunning, the Kardashian-inspired, LA influencer schtick doesn't particularly excite me when it comes to Drag Race. Showcasing Jump Roping as her talent was a unique, intriguing idea for the talent show, so I was a little disappointed when the majority of her performance was spent lip syncing to "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj. Aja and BenDeLaCreme already gave us the definitive "Anaconda" lip sync back in All Stars 3. When Kerri's jump rope finally came out, I was living! But almost as soon as it began, her time was up. Unfortunate. She won the mini-challenge, so I suspect production wants to keep her around for the long haul; hopefully she surprises me along the way.
3. Bosco
"Alright, let's get out there today and make a difference!" is maybe in my top 10 favorite entrance lines of all time. Hysterical. One episode in and THE skanky alternative girl from Seattle already has a special place in my heart. Based on the way she paints her eyebrows, I have a feeling the production team will be painting Bosco as a villain this season. And as we all know, I absolutely love a villain; Bosco will be no exception. Her talent show performance, while not the strongest of the night, was still memorable and offered her distinct point of view. We've seen burlesque over and over and over on Drag Race, so I was pleased when Bosco was able to offer something fresh with her performance. Her devilish, pin-up girl style of drag feels fully realized; unlike some of the girls, she's not here to discover who her drag character is - Bosco knows who she is, and she's here to win.
2. Willow Pill
We finally got "Only Time" by Enya on Drag Race, and it's all thanks to Willow Pill. While Orion Story's performance was giving me The Annoyance at midnight on a Saturday, Willow's performance gave me Berlin (on Belmont, not Germany) at the same time, which is a massive compliment. Her "Self-Care in Quarantine" piece was hilariously confusing, but in the best way possible. Both simultaneously stupid and profound, Willow's talent was the one that stuck with me the most. With Kornbread as my projected winner, I don't see Willow taking the crown this season. But I do see her making it to roughly fifth or sixth place - the coveted "fan favorite" placement alongside legends like Katya, Alyssa Edwards, Shangela, all the way back to Ongina. Willow Pill is definitely one to watch.
1. Kornbred “The Snack” Jeté (challenge winner)
I mean, come on. Do we even need to bring the next batch of girls into the competition? Nobody is going to stand a chance against Kornbread "The Snack" Jeté. I was instantly sold on Kornbread the second she walked into the werkroom. Not only did she give a show-stopping talent show performance, but she served gorgeous looks, is a natural in the confessionals and had me laughing the entire episode. This is a woman who oozes star power, and RuPaul has already clocked it. Just like with previous winners such as Symoné, Lawrence Chaney, Aquaria, and Tyra Sanchez, RuPaul is infatuated with Kornbread and ready to sign the check. This is Kornbread's world, we just live in it.
Really enjoyed this first half of the premiere. We had a strong group of girls this week - hopefully the next batch can live up to high expectations. Thanks for reading! :)