RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14: A Pair of Balls
Power Rankings with P
Welcome to Power Rankings with P, a newsletter ranking cast members on the reality shows I subject myself to on a weekly basis. What can I say? I love slop.
The challenge this week was a Drag Race mainstay - the ball episode. With two eliminated queens, Orion Story and Daya Betty, returning to the competition, there were a total of 42 looks featured on the runway. While it's great every queen gets the chance to showcase their costly couture, with so many looks from so many queens that we barely know, it's hard to keep up. I miss the days when the ball challenge was reserved for top 5. 15 looks from 5 queens we already know and love, or love to hate, is much easier to process, appreciate, and critique than 42 looks from 14 queens we just met. But, we now live in the VH1 era, so here we are!
14. June Jambalaya (eliminated, last week: 5th)
Sad to see June Jambalaya sashay away from the competition as the true first out of the season. I want to give credit to her resort wear, as it was one of the best of the evening! But the compliments stop there. After quite literally tripping down the runway in her evening gown, she showcased her bridal look, well, sort of. The look was bad, so bad that June attempted to hide the gown with the aid of her bouquet of palm leaves. There was no hiding how bad this look was however, and attempting to cover it up only made the situation worse. During the lipsync, she evoked the spirit of Milan, who came 10 seasons before her, and just ripped her costume right off of her body. A very messy way to go out.
13. Maddy Morphosis (last week: 5th)
RuPaul is really going to spend every week bullying this straight man until Ru's decided she's gotten enough story out of him. That RuPaul! Honestly, I don't mind it, especially after Maddy's sinful lipsync performance this week. Had another queer person been cast in her spot instead, I can guarantee Kylie Minogue's "I Love It" would have gotten the Lip Sync For Your Life it deserved. Simply put, the lipsync was a disgrace. As Maddy is a straight man, I think it's only fair to call the performance for what it was - a hate crime. Kylie Minogue, her entire DISCO project, and the gays deserve much, much better. I can only hope Kylie is redeemed at the finale with a lipsync for the crown exclusively featuring Kylie Minogue songs. It's time. We've waited long enough for a "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" lipsync. The "I Love It" LSFYL was such a disaster, I wouldn't have minded if the first true elimination of the season had been a double sashay. However, Maddy lives to see another week.
12. Orion Story (last week: 7th)
With her resort look, Orion claimed to be giving us the full Heathers fantasy... but with a golf club? Bitch, that's not a croquet mallet. They are not the same, at all. Know your references!
11. DeJa Skye (last week: 6th)
Again, DeJa Skye just isn't registering for me. The looks weren't necessarily awful, but they certainly weren't memorable either. As a camp queen, I'm expecting her to shine in next week's comedy challenge. If she can't prove herself there, her days are numbered.
10. Kornbread "The Snack" Jeté (last week: 1st)
The ball looks from Kornbread just weren't good, unfortunately. Luckily, she knew this, and like the true queen she is, made up for it by giving us personality and performance in her presentation. I'm not too worried about her poor showing this week; next week we have a comedy challenge, so I'm expecting Kornbread to shoot right back up to the top of my rankings.
9. Daya Betty (last week: 7th)
The most memorable thing about our returning Mid-MO queen this week wasn’t any of her runway looks. Rather, it was Daya eating a dragonfly in the werkroom for $1,000.00 from Kornbread. Very Springfield. Get your camera time, girl!
8. Kerri Colby (last week: 4th)
Kerri Colby will wear the fuck out of a garment, that's for sure. I found her ~executive realness~ look to be better than Willow Pill's if we're going to be honest. Plus, I enjoyed the touch of whimsy she gave us with the accompanying spinning hat. However, both her resort and bridal looks felt unfinished. She's almost there for me, but there's still something missing.
7. Alyssa Hunter (last week: 6th)
I noticed that Alyssa didn't get a single confessional in this week's episode, meaning she is not long for this competition. I'm mostly disappointed because she's hot out of drag, but also, her evening look was one of my absolute favorites of the night. The look was inspired by the late, great Thierry Mugler, who sadly passed away this weekend. Mugler was a legend, a titan, a true one-of-a-kind; the fashion world will never again see another Thierry Mugler. Mugler's work is no stranger to the Drag Race runway; Katya's pants look from All Stars 2 is my personal favorite Mugler moment on the show. If you have some time, I highly recommend watching any of Mugler's runway shows from the 90s. They’re easily found on YouTube and are a great way to spend your evening. May he rest in peace. <3
6. Jorgeous (last week 2nd)
A little surprised Jorgeous placed high this week. Great looks were delivered, for sure, but I think it was her charisma more than anything that propelled her to the top for the judges. For me, I didn't walk away remembering her looks as much as I did the girls ranking above her. Narratively, this was a fantastic showing for Jorgeous, but I personally have ranked her below her production appointed rival, Jasmine Kennedie.
5. Jasmine Kennedie (last week: 4th)
Determined to win, Jasmine looked incredible in every single one of her looks this week. The lobster claws paired with her 60s pin-up resort wear was a fun, memorable touch - essential for an episode containing 42 looks. Very HIM from The Powerpuff Girls hitting the beach. Unfortunately for her, she was just safe. This is the second episode in a row where she's been compared and come up short next to Jorgeous. The editors love a cut to Jasmine when Jorgeous is being painted in favorable light. I fear Jasmine is the Laganja Estranja to Jorgeous's Adore Delano this season.
4. Bosco (last week 3rd)
We've only had two episodes of Bosco at this point, but I just know I'll always be able to count on her to show up in the competition. She's a very solid, well-rounded queen. Her ball looks were very clean and stylish, but Bosco has yet to go above and beyond for me. She's always really good, just not yet great. Maybe I'm being a little harsh because she's one of my personal favorites, but I need her to fully establish herself as a competitor before I'm all in for Bosco.
3. Lady Camden (last week: 3rd)
Lady Camden's looks were well constructed, and each accompanied by a character, making for one of the more all-around satisfying presentations of the night. In the werkroom, I enjoyed the blossoming friendship with her and Angeria; it would have been fun to see them both get positive critiques this episode to push that storyline forward. Their LSFYL showdown is unavoidable.
2. Angeria Paris VanMichaels (last week: 1st)
Had Angeria not won last week's challenge, I could easily have seen her take the win for the ball. However, I suspect the producers don't want to make Angeria's inevitable top 4 placement as obvious as they made Symoné's last year. All 3 of Angie's looks were polished, gorgeous, and regal; if she continues to perform at this level, she might just win it all.
1. Willow Pill (challenge winner, last week: 2nd)
While I do think Angeria could have reasonably won the challenge, I'm not at all mad about Willow Pill's win this week. Angie gave us pageant elegance, while Willow gave us fun, innovative looks. She made a bridal pant work! Talent, honey. More than anything, Willow's win this week cements her as a Ru favorite and thus, a contender for the crown. As she deserves! Looking forward to getting to know Willow Pill all season long.
Another exhausting, premature ball is in the books. Episode 3 is simply too early for a ball. Splitting the ball into two for each group was another unnecessary choice, doing nothing other than making the episode feel longer than it already was. And the categories were kind of awful. A Red, White, and Blue ball? In this climate? No thanks. Then for some reason, "Hide n Chic" translated to "animal print" which, sure. It's just tired. All of this, and I didn't even get around to mentioning the chocolate bar twist of it all. Truly the VH1 era, baby. Thanks for reading! :)