Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Week Six
Power Rankings with P
Welcome to Power Rankings with P, a newsletter ranking cast members on the reality shows I subject myself to on a weekly basis. What can I say? I love slop.
Took me a minute to catch up on this week's Bachelor in Paradise as I was dicking around in Los Angeles for a few days (more on that later). My ever-so-slight tan was totally worth it! Do not fret however, as I'm all caught up on this week's drama. Amazing how much faster the show goes by without the 8-10 commercial breaks per episode! You know I didn't skip those opening credits though. Anyway, here's how things shook out this week:
Bach Bros
1. Riley Christian (last week: 1st)
Once again, amazing work from Riley in this episode. Last week, he was fun and goofy. This week, with Maurissa’s help, he’s serious and vulnerable. Dynamic king! Like Maurissa, I loved seeing Riley open up and communicate his emotions; it was a major milestone in their relationship. And when he was talking about making her and their kids breakfast on Sunday mornings? Swoon!
2. Joe Amabile (last week: 2nd)
Was impressed with the way Joe maturely handled the Kendall situation. He managed to comfort her with a hug and an “I’m here for you,” but was still honest with her about his motivation for coming to Paradise. He knew it was over for them and time to move on. Joe navigated this storyline gracefully and, especially for Queen Serena P’s sake, we love to see it.
3. Kenny Braasch (last week: 4th)
Between this week’s Taco Tuesday and Riley and Maurissa’s whipped cream rendezvous, somebody on this production team is for sure into Food Play in the bedroom. Love that for them! For the audience, not so much. Sanitary concerns aside, Kenny, of course, gives the cameras exactly what they need and sells the performance effortlessly. When you’re 40 years old and on Bachelor in Paradise, you have nothing to lose!
4. Demar Jackson (last week: n/a)
Arriving on the beach during week 6 doesn't leave me with high hopes for Demar’s rose prospects. Despite what will be a brief run on Paradise, I'm glad we got an appearance from this mountain of a man (Aaron's words, not mine). Demar came into Paradise with energy, a great vibe, that winning smile, thick thighs and an impressive upper body. Let’s hope he somehow manages to stick around.
5. Aaron Clancy (last week: 10th)
Perhaps I have been too harsh on Aaron when it comes to the Power Ranking. While he is someone I would absolutely loathe in real life, I can’t imagine this season without him. His soundbites are douchey but amusing, his rage unsettling but fascinating, his homoerotic edge perfect and entertaining. Make no mistake, this is not a Grocery Store Joe-esque redemption moment for me and Aaron. I just think he makes for great reality television.
6. James Bonsall (last week: 7th)
Finally, James has a good moment this season! The impromptu date with Tia was a great look for James and might've won him her rose. Good for you, bro!
7. Noah Erb (last week: 8th)
As boring as I find Noah and Abigail, I want to reiterate that I think they are a cute couple and am happy they found love in Paradise. Their love story just didn’t make good TV, and that’s fine.
8. Ivan Hall (last week: 6th)
Well y’all, it’s official. Ivan has zero game. We hate to see it because we LOVE Ivan, but buddy. His last ditch effort to secure a rose from Chelsea was white wine messy and transparently desperate. At least Chelsea was kind enough to offer him a pity make out for his efforts and to not embarrass him on primetime network television. Like clockwork, this make out pissed Aaron off and set a confrontation in motion. Pumped to see how Ivan v Aaron shakes out on our screens and in the Power Ranking!
9. Thomas Jacobs (last week: 9th)
Did Thomas get any screen time this episode? A single confessional? A shared laugh with Becca? A moment at the bar with Wells? Anything? He’s hot and tall, so... more of that would be great!
10. Dr. Joe Park (last week: 5th)
Sad banjo playing from Dr. Joe? Not this. In another season, Dr. Joe would’ve thrived. Unfortunately, being besties with Brendan ruined his chances before he even set foot on the sand. Sad!
11. Ed Waisbot (last week: n/a)
Am I happy Natasha finally got some action in Paradise? Of course! But… Ed? Him? Alright...
12. Blake Monar (last week: 3rd)
Tatty Daddy’s conversation with Tia was embarrassing. I understand his frustration, but jeez. At least try to play the game? Or like, listen when you're having a conversation with someone. Pure cringe. The tattoos weren't enough to save Blake from bottoming out in the Power Ranking this week.
Bach Babes
1. Maurissa Gunn (last week: 2nd)
Beyond happy Maurissa was able to have a hard conversation with Riley that resulted in them becoming even stronger. Open and honest communication really does wonders! Who would have thought? While Demar, the object of her affection before cameras were rolling, may have tempted her this episode, I was relieved to see her follow her heart and stick with Riley. Keep it up you two!
2. Serena Pitt (last week: 1st)
I’ve loved Serena since pre-season, but, as we all know, it took me a few weeks to invest in her and Joe’s love story. I’m like, 90% on board with it now, but wouldn’t be totally shocked if something goes awry these final two weeks. I would hate to see her heart broken, but she’s 23 and will easily bounce back. No matter what, I'm always rooting for Serena P.
3. Tia Booth (last week: 5th)
From Big Brother to RuPaul’s Drag Race, the final few episodes of reality competition shows can be a bit of a snooze when compared to the front of half of the season. With Hurricane Demi clocked out, a new chaotic diva needed to step up. Tia looked around Paradise, saw everybody coupled up and things running smoothly, so she stirred up some drama with Blake and got screen time out of it. Was it messy? Absolutely. Did I love to see it? Absolutely.
4. Chelsea Vaughn (last week: 6th)
Chelsea’s down to clown on Paradise. After a date with Aaron, she agrees to a date with Demar. Afterwards, she makes out with Aaron, then jumps over to a daybed with her homie Ivan. We stan. As a latecomer to Paradise, Chelsea must know her chances of ending the season with an engagement ring are slim. Why not have some fun while she’s still around?
5. Natasha Parker (last week: 3rd)
Natasha finally got some this week! Unfortunately, it was with Ed of all people. The chances of their romance going anywhere once the cameras stop rolling are non-existent. Natasha’s had some of the worst luck this season -- hopefully she can find herself thriving elsewhere.
6. Becca Kufrin (last week: 4th)
Queen of narration, Becca didn’t get much screen time this week outside of the confessional chair. Bringing a former lead back was a fantastic idea for Paradise, I just don’t understand why she wasn’t brought to the beach earlier? We barely got enough time for Becca to develop a love story, which sucks. Maybe things will work out with Thomas, but based on their lack of screen time this week, I don’t have high hopes.
7. Abigail Heringer (last week: 7th)
See Noah above.
8. Mari Pepin-Solis (last week: 8th)
Mari clearly is not into food play, but I admire her for trying! Again, I wish Kenny had ultimately gone for a more dynamic personality for the entertainment value, but love is love. Congratulations Mari.
9. Kendall Long (last week: 9th)
Unfortunately, the most memorable thing about Kendall were her pained sobs on the ride back home. I completely empathize with her situation. Watching Joe fall in love with a different woman in the same spot they once did must have been unbelievably painful. For her own well-being, I'm glad she self-eliminated. Best of luck to ya, Kendall.
Two more weeks until the finale! Can you believe? I'm still not totally clear on what the endgame for Bachelor in Paradise looks like, so I'm anxiously awaiting to see how it pans out. Is there a "winner/winning couple?" Multiple winning couples? I guess it's all going to come down to who all gets engaged. Right now, I see engagements for Joe and Serena, Noah and Abigail, and maybe Riley and Maurissa? Who knows, anything can happen in Paradise - that much I know. Thanks for reading! :)