Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Week Seven
Power Rankings with P
Welcome to Power Rankings with P, a newsletter ranking cast members on the reality shows I subject myself to on a weekly basis. What can I say? I love slop.
Earlier this season, ABC asked us to dedicate 4 hours a week to Bachelor in Paradise. It was a big ask, but we managed to survive - mostly because I assumed we were in the clear moving forward. The rest of the season was going to be just 2 hours a week, right? Right?! Wrong. This week and next week, we have a 3 hour commitment to Bachelor in Paradise. Another big ask, but we're going to power through, baby. Here's how the clowns did this week:
Bach Bros:
1. Ed Waisbrot (last week: 11th)
A redemption moment for Ed! Unfortunately, it came at Natasha’s expense, but coming to Mykenna’s rescue resulted in audible “awwww’s” heard throughout my living room. Being a late arrival is not the ideal position to be in, something Ed knows all too well. His empathetic power play seemed to have somewhat salvaged Mykenna's botched Paradise experience. Good guy Ed!
2. Riley Christian (last week: 1st)
Riley is in the best relationship here, loves his boys, and wants everyone around him to be the best possible version of themselves. All hail King Riley!
3. James Bonsall (last week: 6th)
Gobsmacked that James is making it to finale night next week. Who would have thought? Congratulations to him for making it this far, and for finally getting his first date. Unfortunately for James, he fell victim to the production team’s food play kink, but he took it like a champ. Would expect nothing less from James, a true fighter.
4. Thomas Jacobs (last week: 9th)
When grabbed for a chat by both Anna, Copywriter, Chicago, IL, and Mykenna, Thomas gleefully let them both know about the absolutely amazing time he's had with Becca in Paradise. Because of this, he will not be open to a date with either of them. Okay, hot! I love how smitten Thomas is with Becca, if only we got to see their relationship play out on screen. And here I thought he was cast as a villain!
5. Joe Amabile (last week: 2nd)
Unfortunately, I find Joe most enjoyable when he is NOT hanging around his girlfriend - not a great look when you're competing on a reality competition dating show. To me, Joe's passion for the television show Bachelor in Paradise is much more interesting to watch than his romance with Serena P. Once their engagement is no more, I wouldn’t mind seeing Joe working as Wells’s barback.
6. Kenny Braasch (last week: 3rd)
Totally believe Kenny does not want to be with Mari and was actively trying to cool things down between them the entire episode. There's no passion to be found and it makes for incredibly boring television. Can we bring Hurricane Demi back for the finale?
7. Aaron Clancy (last week: 5th)
It's clear that Aaron's intention was never to find love in Paradise. He simply showed up so he could sit around and gossip, fight, and flirt with his boys. Love that motivation for him and for us; he's made for some incredible television on Bachelor in Paradise this season. Looking forward to seeing him again on season 8.
8. Noah Erb (last week: 7th)
Finally, some actual drama from one of Paradise’s supposed strongest couples. I think both Noah and Abigail are terrified of their developing feelings and struggle to communicate with each other because of this. Noah’s admission that he was falling in love with Abigail wasn’t exactly A Moment like it has been for the other couples; he clumsily and quietly let it out before immediately continuing on with his train of thought. I understand the insecurity he felt when she didn’t say it back, but I genuinely think she did not hear him. Watching him spiral out the entire next day was rough, but not as rough as hearing him repeatedly tell her “I don’t think you’re my person, you’re not my person” on prom night. Damn dude, we get it.
9. Ivan Hall (last week: 8th)
Honestly, love that Ivan was kicked out of Paradise for being a messy, lying, rule-breaking bitch. The Willam Belli of Bachelor in Paradise.
10. Demar Jackson (last week: 4th)
Had he not been a late arrival, I’m positive Demar would have gone all the way. He’s clearly a personality (hello, opening credits!), super charismatic, and, most importantly, very hot. Bring him back! Demar Jackson deserves an actual chance at love; I would like to see it.
11. Dr. Joe Park (last week: 10th)
Being associated with Brendan Morais was truly the kiss of death this season on Paradise. At least he’s a hot doctor!
12. Blake Monar (last week: 12th)
A hot commodity when he arrived, Blake quickly fizzled out. If only he knew that to Tia, actions speak louder than words! Glad we at least got a few episodes to gawk at Tatty Daddy.
Bach Babes:
1. Chelsea Vaughn (last week: 4th)
The majority of the drama at the top of the episode centered around Chelsea, and yet she was nowhere to be found. A little bit iconic if you ask me. Chelsea knows she's playing a losing game with Aaron, as he's just here to have fun with James. She gets it.
2. Maurissa Gunn (last week: 1st)
Maurissa and Riley have been emotionally open and vulnerable with each other, look fantastic together, and sucked each other’s toes on TV. I would be shocked if they aren’t the couple that lasts the longest post Paradise. Justice for MY Paradise Prom Queen & King!
3. Becca Kufrin (last week: 6th)
Why the producers are not focusing more on the coupling of Becca and Thomas is a total mystery to me. The narrative potential of a former lead and a past villain falling in love should be endless. I would much rather see their relationship unfold than say, Joe and Serena P. Like hello? At least we get plenty of Becca narration, she's a natural.
4. Tia Booth (last week: 3rd)
This week, Tia evoked the spirit of Adrienne Maloof with a hilariously inappropriate “OH SOMEBODY’S CRYING!” moment when Mykenna was having her beachside breakdown. Bless Tia for always doing something interesting on screen in these final few snooze-filled weeks. With the capital P Personalities like Tahzjuan, Tammy, and Demi long gone, we sorely need some sort of comedic relief in Paradise. Thank you Tia for stepping up!
5. Abigail Heringer (last week: 7th)
Coming out as Team Abigail in the Noah and Abigail drama this week. Based on her excitement in the pre-confrontation prom night confessionals, she seemed genuinely into Noah and ready to make the jump into "I'm falling in love with you" territory. She was ready! Unfortunately, things quickly turned sour on prom night. Regarding the night before, I think it is important to keep in mind that Abigail has a cochlear implant; I honestly believe that she did not hear Noah say "I'm falling in love with you" when he sputtered it out on the daybed. She was probably made aware of this after the fact by producers, which explains her giddiness in the confessional chair on prom night. Once Noah changed tune, and REPEATEDLY told her "you're not my person," she was done. I do not blame her at all. What a hurtful thing to hear, especially over and over and over. Truly unfortunate that their relationship imploded like this. Definitely made for good television though.
6. Serena Pitt (last week: 2nd)
Tired of the narrative that Serena P and Joe are the strongest couple in Paradise. Congrats on winning Paradise Prom King & Queen, but Riley and Maurissa were robbed. Stop the count!
7. Natasha Parker (last week: 5th)
This just was not Natasha’s season. Which sucks, because early on she showed so much promise as a reality character. Hoping this experience didn’t dull her shine; she’s gorgeous, hilarious, and an absolute catch. She can definitely do better than the bros that populate The Bachelor franchise. I have a feeling Natasha’s love story won’t be found in Bachelor Nation, which, for the best!
8. Mykenna Dorn (week four: 16th)
With Alexa expelled from Paradise for canoodling with Ivan, Mykenna gets the chance to redeem herself from her blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo appearance a few weeks ago. Unfortunately for her, it goes terribly. Arriving to Paradise during the last week is already a losing game, and Aaron made sure to rub salt in that wound when he rejected her date card. Luckily, Ed came to the rescue and the two of them were able to have some fun roller blading around an empty resort. Her return may have been a mess, but at least it wasn’t a total disaster.
9. Mari Pepin-Solis (last week: 8th)
Gorgeous and boring! What else is there to say?
10. Anna Redmond, Copywriter, Chicago, IL (last week: n/a)
Hard to believe Anna, Copywriter, Chicago, IL did not graduate from the University of Missouri's School of Journalism with an emphasis in Strategic Communication. I swear I have spent many Tuesday nights waiting for $2 drinks with this exact woman screaming in my ear about Comm Law, vodka sodas, or her study abroad experience last semester. However, I'm wrong about this! Apparently she graduated from Loyola in Chicago, which, yeah. Still tracks!
11. Alexa from Peter’s season (last week: n/a)
Woof. Imagine waiting an entire year for your Paradise journey due to a pandemic, only to be cast as a late arrival and not get any screen time because some guy found your hotel room in the midst of a climate disaster. Justice for Alexa! At least you're not Alana Milne.
Next week, the finale! Can you believe? What a wild ride Bachelor in Paradise has been. This is the The Bachelor franchise at its absolute best, in my opinion. Hopefully the finale doesn't change that for me. Beyond ready to see how it all shakes out on the show (and on social media) next week. Thanks for reading! :)