Bachelor in Paradise Season 7: Finale
Power Rankings with P
Welcome to Power Rankings with P, a newsletter ranking cast members on the reality shows I subject myself to on a weekly basis. What can I say? I love slop.
Eight weeks, eleven episodes, and 41 singles later (sorry Alexa from Peter's season) and we have MADE IT. Season 7 of Bachelor in Paradise has come to a close. What a beautiful journey this has been. To wrap things up, I've first ranked the bros and babes who made it to finale night but ultimately left single. Then we are going to give it up for fan favorites. Let's go fan favorites! Finally, I'll be ranking the five fab couples that emerged from Paradise this season. Lots to get through, so let's get started:
Bach Bros:
1. Aaron Clancy
Dumping Tia in a narrow hallway in favor of riding off into the sunset on James’ back was the perfect finish to Aaron’s hilariously homoerotic character arc. I’ve been back and forth on Aaron every single week, which easily makes him one of the most dynamic characters of the season. He’s messy, he's loud, he's hilarious, he's angry, he's emotional, and he's extra as hell. Simultaneously a hero and a villain. A true instigator. What would this season of Bachelor in Paradise have been without Aaron Clancy? By far one of the most memorable personalities that set foot on the beaches of Paradise this year. I’m certain we will be seeing him again next season, unless things end up working out with his new roommate, James.
2. James Bonsall
The most joyous moment of the finale was not any of the three engagements that capped off Bachelor in Paradise season 7. No, those engagements have nothing on James Bonsall’s realization that a one Aaron Clancy was his Person. From James asking Aaron if he was ready to leave, to having Aaron jump on his back as they frolic about on the beach, and ultimately sharing the backseat home together… it was everything. This moment was excellence in reality television. Pure bliss.
3. Ed Waisbrot
“Boys, I got dumped!” Ed is such a goober and I’m honestly kind of into it. Admire him trying his hardest to get Mykenna to commit to Fantasy Suites, almost as much as I admire the editors for scoring this moment with literal clown music. Never change.
Bach Babes:
1. Natasha Parker
I have to give it up for Natasha. Her entire experience in Paradise was nightmarish, but she managed to stick it out until the bitter end. Props to her! I desperately wish this season would have gone better for Natasha; there’s just so much potential there for a reality television star. I just don’t think this franchise is the one to showcase her talents.
2. Tia Booth
Tia experienced what was maybe the fastest and one of the most hilarious break-ups that I’ve seen on reality television. And she took it like a champ! Tia has known she was playing a losing game since she was cast as a late arrival. That didn’t stop her from making the most of her time on screen, and for that, I’m grateful.
3. Chelsea Vaughn
Matt James, exhibiting true clown behavior, never gave Chelsea, a literal runway model, the time of day on his season of The Bachelor. So, I’m thrilled Chelsea got plenty of action and drama during her time on Paradise. She snagged a date, had guys fighting over her rose, got some daybed make outs in, and generally seemed to enjoy herself. Thrilled Chelsea finally got some screen time this go around. She deserved!
4. Mykenna Dorn
Clearly exhausted from the emotional roller coaster that was her Paradise experience, Mykenna could barely even entertain Ed’s pitch for the Fantasy Suite. They literally met about 48 hours ago. She gives Ed Noah’s line of “you’re not my person” and walks off. Girly was ready to get back to her life outside of Paradise. Don’t blame her!
5. Anna Redmond
The copywriter from Chicago wasn’t able to win me over after her cringe worthy run on The Bachelor earlier this year. I’m sure she’s undergone some personal growth since her shit-talking days at the Nemacolin, but I don’t really care. See ya never!
Before we get into Power Ranking the couples from this season, I had to give a moment to our fallen stars. This one fan's favorites. They may not have made it to the finale, but their contributions to this season are undeniable. Give it up for the Number One Guy and Gal of the Group:
Number One Guy In The Group
Ivan Hall
Coming off of a great showing during the Clare/Tayshia season of The Bachelorette, I fully expected Ivan to go all the way and leave Paradise engaged. Unfortunately, his lack of game prevented him from making it to the finale, but at least he made memorable television along the way. Blatantly breaking the rules of the show and getting white wine wasted in his last 24 hours in Paradise was a highly entertaining mess. Ivan Hall, I salute you.
Honorable mentions: Tre Cooper, Demar Jackson
Number One Gal in The Group
Tahzjuan Hawkins
We all knew this was coming. Tahzjuan is an absolute icon, and carried the front half of the season with her undeniable star power. Every moment she had on screen was captivating, hilarious, and iconic. She broke the fourth wall, gave us quote after quote (“Tahz can’t pee, Tahz can’t poop.” & “Yeah, so, I know Tre because I went on a date with his uncle.” immediately come to mind), and was a delight to have on screen. Her self-elimination stung, even more so because the producers barely gave us a moment to register it was even happening. She left early in the season, but all these weeks later and I’m still thinking about Tahzjuan Hawkins. Star. Power.
Honorable mentions: Tammy Ly, Jessenia Cruz, Deandra Kanu, Demi Burnett
Finally, time to Power Rank the final couples of Bachelor in Paradise season 7. A total of five couples survived filming (six if you count Aaron and James), which is pretty impressive in my opinion. Three engagements and two pairs dating isn't bad! Here's how they rank, starting from the bottom:
Paradise Pairings
5. Noah and Abigail
Was shocked when the final montage revealed Noah and Abigail decided to give their relationship another shot. Their Paradise experience ended in such a spectacularly disastrous way, I was positive they were finished. But love finds a way! I’m sure spending eight weeks watching their love story play out on television helped. Wishing them all the best. Hopefully Dale Moss’ new relationship status isn’t another obstacle for these two to overcome.
4. Kenny and Mari
Mari Pepin-Solis accomplished the impossible! She managed to get a 40 year old boy band manager to commit. Who would have thought? Truly an impressive feat. What neither of them managed to accomplish was me having any sort of investment in their relationship. At least they both looked incredibly hot during their proposal. Mari looked absolutely Stunning. And Kenny, old bones and all, will always be my guy. (he’s hot and funny -- “my only concern is… she’s 25” had me cracking up.) Still, it’s wild to think that only a handful of days prior to their engagement, he was hooking up with Demi in the Boom Boom Room and on a date with Tia. Nevertheless, Mari persisted.
3. Joe and Serena P
We all know I’m not fangirling over these two, but I really hate that their proposal was tainted by Kendall’s appearance just moments before. We get it, this is Joe’s second Paradise season. The constant reminders of his past relationship on the beach only tainted his love story with Serena P for me. Stop trying to make the Kendall storyline happen, it’s never going to happen! I hope the producers gave her a fat bonus for this appearance because wow, how embarrassing. Still, I guess it served its purpose? Serena’s “are you okay?” upon Joe revealing Kendall’s cameo was the perfect response. For some reason, this moment was the one that convinced me that these two might end up going all the way. Storytelling!
2. Thomas and Becca
A former lead and former villain hooking up? Perfection. They may not have gotten engaged or enough screen time, but man am I rooting hard for #Thecca. Having had not one but two televised proposals end in total disaster has clearly traumatized Becca. Because like, of course! Why would she want to get engaged on TV for a third time? While I understood her unspoken reasoning, I was still heartbroken to witness their daybed break-up. The final montage confirming not only their relationship status, but the fact that they are in LOVE made my heart sing. Clearly, the third time’s the charm!
1. Riley and Maurissa
From their very first date, I had a great feeling about Riley and Maurissa’s chances of going all the way. They had a lot of fun together on that first date, but were still able to open up on a deeper, more vulnerable level as well. Plus, their trip to the Boom Boom Room looked like an incredibly great time. The chemistry and love was there from the start. They then spent the remainder of the season all over each other; neither had any problem sucking each other’s toes when the producers asked. All season, I’ve been rooting for these two. But what solidified my love for this couple, of course, was Riley’s yearning for his Sunday Morning Dream. When he told Maurissa he saw her on Sunday Morning, I was finished! Absolutely love to see it. Congratulations to Riley and Maurissa, enjoy your Sunday Mornings together!
And there we have it! The final Power Ranking of Bachelor in Paradise season 7. Thank you so much for embarking on this journey with me, I really appreciate it. I've really enjoyed writing these every week; we love a writing exercise! While I'll be tapping out of Michelle's season of The Bachelorette, this isn't the end for Power Rankings with P. Stay tuned for more in the near future. As always, thanks for reading! :)