Fear, Uncertainty of First Times
If you've ever read, watched, or googled something from Brené Brown, you may have come across this quote she references often.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." --Theodore Roosevelt
I remember coming across the "man in the arena" quote when reading a book by Brené Brown. But I come back at it from time to time because "the arena" is a messy place, and while I'm often "in there" by my current role and scope, it's always filled with uncertainty, fear, and failure.
I'm in the arena whenever there's a first time for something. I also return to the quote whenever I feel like I failed in some way, to someone or myself.
Setting up a meeting
Before remote work, constantly being on calls and was a staff engineer. I rarely had meetings beyond daily stand-ups, 1:1s with my manager, or project "kickstart meetings." Most of my time was spent focusing on delivering the tasks I was assigned.
I recall the first time I had to work outside the scope of my team. My manager asked me to set up some time with another team to walk them over some changes that needed to be done.
That was a mess! I mostly set up time on the calendar, not send an agenda in the invite or any prior context. In my mind, we were all in sync and mostly doing it for some "required" step.
That experience taught me not to assume other people's knowledge and to set clear agendas.
Leading a project
I remember the first time I had to "lead" a project, the unknowns about what that meant. I tried to meet many people involved, product managers, program managers, and other engineers.
I had a great manager coaching me through the whole experience, but I couldn't stop feeling like I was letting down someone or something wasn't getting delivered exactly as expected.
Mentoring others
I recall the first time someone approached me to ask me career questions. While not formally a mentorship relationship, I felt like, what do I know? Is there something I can share with them?
The first few times, I didn't want to be prescriptive in giving them answers, and I felt like my advice was borderline useless due to trying to make it generic.
I was trying to avoid having my "advice" filled with my context and the help I had at the time. Over time, I've changed the approach to telling a story of my context that led me somewhere or calling out great mentors at the time or managers that helped me throughout.
Also, inspired by the actions of the people I've had the privilege to work with, I share what they would have told me.
Clarifying questions or calling out things
Have you ever been in those meetings where nobody asks questions or clarifies anything? Like either everyone understood, or no one understood anything.
I've been on both sides; most of us have been. One of the things I've tried, after talking with one of my mentors, is asking clarifying questions. Or rather, asking questions in a way that clarifies the content of the meeting. Also, I ask questions in a way that helps steer me in a direction I'm interested in.
Your turn
Do you consider yourself to be in "the arena"? What things have you encountered that gave you fear? How you overcame that?
Happy coding!
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