Comparison is the thief of joy
Hey!
Welcome back to another week of musings.
Today is Memorial Day in the US, so I'm probably walking around the city and enjoying a dog park. I hope your weekend was restorative for you as well!
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Things I discovered in the past week
- I recently started reading Empire of AI by Karen Hao. I'm currently at chapter one, but the narration is pretty good.
- Good struggle vs bad struggle by Wes Kao discusses the idea that "no pain, no gain" doesn't mean just struggling, but rather choosing the right pain for the right gains.
I recently talked with a mentee who was having trouble not comparing himself to other recently promoted people.
While it's easy to say, "Don't compare yourself to others," it's one of those things that's easier said than done. For me, it takes intention not to do that comparison. We need to center our journey, our progress, and how far we've come. Focusing on our issues helps avoid spending time comparing ourselves.
Sometimes, rationalizing the comparison helps, as does analyzing why a person managed to get that position or level. Breaking it down gives us an idea of the organization's rewards and helps us decide whether to adapt or work towards them.
You can do it too
We discussed that if they felt these other people were not doing anything special, they could also reach the same position.
What got them there? What is different from what we're doing? We'll realize we're doing similar tasks, but they're better at vocalizing their efforts and results.
Single dimension of a person
One thing to call out is that we might be comparing ourselves against a single dimension of a person.
They might be better programmer or at project management, etc., but we're multifaceted and might be better than them in another dimension. We must focus on our strengths, capitalize on them, and leverage them to get that promotion. For example, they might be better programmer, but we might be better at shipping projects.
A Natural
I had a manager who made me feel like he was a natural at everything. He was always exceptional at everything.
A few years after I stopped working with him, I realized his skills were imperfect. I also learned that I had skills on the opposite end of the spectrum, which didn't match what the organization wanted then.
That meant that while I was better at kickstarting initiatives, their skills for reducing work in progress were more valued due to the amount of tech debt we had.
Reflecting on these learnings and conversations has made me a better engineer over time. I can better detect and fill in gaps in the organization's current needs.
Reflect
I've previously mentioned this, but I journal a lot. Nothing is too structured; I free-write what I have in my head.
The main point is that reflection is part of what helps me use comparison as a tool instead of a time-waster. Through journaling, I've learned to process whenever I compare myself to peers and be more neutral regarding my skills than theirs.
Take Initiative
One crucial point in this conversation is that if you're looking for a promotion, life won't do you justice by randomly awarding one. You must put yourself out there and speak of your wins, learnings, and what you bring to the table.
Your turn!
How do you deal with comparisons with your peers? How do you deal with comparison in general? Are you focused on your own goals with no time for others? Let me know by replying to this email.
Happy coding!
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