🐇 03.19.21
Fear leads me to distraction, evasion, forgetfulness. I've been trying to look more closely at the rituals of repetition that I've let in from a place of fear.
But I'm reminded of one of the baseline things you learn in therapy, which is that the mechanisms you set in place, born out of fear, so close to your body and soul that you forget when it even started, usually come from a place of self-protection. You want to shield and protect yourself from pain, so that your default pose is one of shielding and protecting. Navigating the world from a position of retreating can only take you so far.
Closer, closer, closer.
Further, further, further.
I find myself trying to lean in more to the parts of myself that at first feel contradictory, excessive, shameful. They are so confusing and destructive to me, until they prove to be surprisingly sweet. It turns out, I just don't know them very well.
There are fewer rabbits here than in Indiana. I like how they dot the air every time they prance around. Trying to take out that kind of pointed lightness more lately.
~ yyy