When book promotion turns into teachable gender moments
You all know I'm trans, right? I put it front and center on all of my bios: "Nino Cipri is a queer and trans/nonbinary writer," followed by several examples of how to use the singular they/them/their in sentences. I write about trans, queer, and nonbinary characters and communities. Presumably the people that like my books ALSO like this integral facet of them?
So it's weird to see my book positively promoted in venues that also decide to assign me a gender and pronoun (apparently at random, too, since it's about 50/50 whether they use he or she) or address me as a name I stopped using five years ago. Other weird things: assumptions about my history or my personal trauma or my family relationships; wanting my opinion about old transphobic stories that I haven't bother to read and probably never will; public discussions about what verb conjugations to use for me; personal guidance on how to deal with trans loved ones, coworkers, strangers, etc.
I guess it's not weird. Microaggressions happen to marginalized authors all of the time, and I know I don't get the worst of it. It's just annoying.
DEFEKT is my third book published in two and a half years, so I've long since burned through any reluctance against correcting people. What seems to be happening more and more, however, is that this turns the conversation from what I wrote into what I am, and from there, a discussion on how to be an ally to people like me.
Which isn't bad, I guess? Not being a dickhead to trans people is more important than my silly-ass book with clones and wormholes and a luxury toilet doing a Tiktok dance. But it also reminds me of every panel about marginalized creators at every con I've ever been to, whether it was centered on people of color or LGBTQ folks or disabled ones. Someone always, always poses the question, "How can I better represent XYZ?" or alternatively, "How can white/straight/cis/abled people be better allies?"
Beyond the fact that both of these questions can be answered with some pretty straightforward research, this has the effect of re-marginalizing the people this conversation is about, and re-centering whiteness/straightness/cisness/abled-ness as the fixed point on which all conversations turn.
I'm a teacher, so I have complicated feelings about turning transphobic microaggressions into teachable moments. Like, yes, I will take this one for the team, I will educate people in the hopes that it prevents it from happening again. If I can make sure a podcaster correctly genders their future guest, that's a net win, right? That's literally my job, right?
Right?
But my worry is in setting an expectation of calm redirection when this stuff happens. Beyond sometimes wanting to snap my teeth at someone misgendering me, I don't want to set a precedent for how trans people should act in these situations. Calmness isn't always warranted. Anger can be its own teacher, and sometimes a far more effective one.
Am I going to actually start yelling next time I'm misgendered? Probably not. But I'm keeping my anger tucked away as a backup lesson plan, just in case.
News/events
- It's Indie Bookstore Day! A year and change of a global pandemic has hit bookstores hard, so if you can, please support small and locally-owned bookstores. If you spend at least $15 at a local bookstore this weekend, you can get a free audio book from Libro.fm. And hey, wouldn't you know it: Defekt happens to be $14.99.
- I wound up writing Defekt-themed guest posts on Sarah Gailey's Stone Soup and Mary Robinette Kowal's My Favorite Bit, and doing a quick interview with Jo Ladzinski on their blog.
What I'm reading/watching/listening to
I've been working my way through some overdue reading for the Nebulas, and finished Tochi Onyebuchi's Riot Baby (finalist for Best Novella) and Meg Elison's "The Pill." I am still gathering thoughts about how both of these stories are so brutally timely/timeless and how effectively they write about state violence and trauma on the body. Please read them both. Next up on my reading list will be The Midnight Bargain by C.L. Polk and "My Country Is a Ghost" by Eugenia Triantafyllou.