Counting down and walking away
Hi.
I’m sure I could have spun these together with some connective material, but I didn’t. I hereby present my first newsletter listicle:
11 memorable flights I’ve been on, in no particular order, but counting down all the same, and using the best information I have available about itineraries
11. Newark to Montreal, 2014; I’d dragged my feet on booking my trip to Italy for my friends’ wedding, which is how I ended up flying Air Canada Express/Jazz and then Air Canada Rouge for a wacky itinerary that kicked off with an Amtrak trip from Philly to Newark’s fabled International Airport. On the Newark to Montreal leg, I read Steve Martin’s lovely little book Born Standing Up and fell asleep with the row to myself.
10. Elmira to Vail, 1995: A classmate invited me on his friend’s family ski vacation. What he hadn’t told me when he first mentioned it: we’d be flying private on his step-father’s corporate jet. It was a pretty nice experience! I have yet to fly so luxuriously since this trip.
9. Frankfurt to Philadelphia, 2013: I was finally moving back to the US after my three years in Europe, and I was treating myself (arguably giving myself what I’d earned!) by cashing in a boatload of United Airlines miles on a business class ticket. I spent Tuesday night in Amsterdam, then the next morning flew Amsterdam to Frankfurt. There I had 2 very chill hours in a Lufthansa Lounge where I enjoyed numerous fresh German beers on tap before a 9-hour flight… on which I consumed a disturbing number of Campari-and-sodas. (It was a phase.)
8. Charlotte to Baltimore, 2003: My friend Emily and I were coming back from spring break. A woman turned on her flip phone after landing in Baltimore and exclaimed with simultaneous ego and horror, “Seven new messages?!?” I have thought a lot about this woman this year and how it’s somehow still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Who was calling her during that 90-minute flight?
7. Parkersburg to Pittsburgh, 1997: My maternal grandparents lived near this tiny West Virginia airport, which always felt rife with goofiness. This may or may not have been the flight out of there where we passengers showed up but the crew was nowhere to be found. Regardless, it was the kind of departure where approximately a dozen passengers and their kin milled around much longer than they’d expected to. Whispers emerged. Was that… Al Borland from TV’s Home Improvement? No, but close: the man was Keith Lehman, who once played Al’s brother Cal on the show. Thanks to Wikipedia for having Keith’s name easily discoverable. I definitely did not remember that.
6. Dulles to Portland, 2010: Summer storm delays forced us to sit on the tarmac in our seats for three long hours before takeoff. At some point in all that, I foolishly removed my sneakers. As soon as I put my foot down on the carpet, my sock became rather damp. And that’s how I learned that the kid ahead of me had spilled his Sprite all over the floor.
5. London Stansted to Eindhoven, 2011: I was going through an upsetting time in a hot summer, dealing every day with an individual in crisis, and so I had a bop over to London to blow off some steam, eat cheese, drink real ales. On the way back to my Dutch living situation from the weekend, I suffered a sequence of very British mishaps, including no trains running between the stations I needed, indifferent customer service, and entitled members of the Queen's public. I ran a half mile to my departure gate as they posted “FINAL CALL." When I got there I learned the gate agent had, seconds before, shut down her computer. She sighed “Why can’t people get here on time” and almost refused to let me board. Her colleague intervened. According to my notes from that week, “she was able to check me in by shouting my sequence number to a nearby desk, then of course I had to run out on the tarmac, looking like an asshole to everybody on the flight” because I was the last to board. The whole time, I silently wondered as I jogged, “Why is RyanAir so miserable every time?” That thought process stopped and restarted as I grabbed my only choice of where to sit: a nice aisle seat in the third row. Then of course we didn’t leave on time so we all sat there sweating, even the passengers who hadn’t had a good cardio workout from the security line to the plane.
4. London to New Delhi, 1990. I was in second grade and rather squirrely, unable to sleep on long-haul flights and unwilling to do anything but wiggle. My parents generously let me have however much Coke I wanted to, a choice that I’m still working through today. In the middle of the night flight, I stood near the galley and asked a flight attendant for another can of soda. Well, not stood, but fidgeted with my whole tiny body. And in doing so, I tripped a flight attendant who was carrying drinks to someone who had respectfully asked for beverage service to their seat. On the plane music system, I listened on repeat to the comedy music channel which featured The Muppets version of “Mahna Mahna” and the Peter Sellers’ suggestive “Goodness Gracious Me.” I would love to track down the full playlist.
I’m sure I could have spun these together with some connective material, but I didn’t. I hereby present my first newsletter listicle:
11 memorable flights I’ve been on, in no particular order, but counting down all the same, and using the best information I have available about itineraries
11. Newark to Montreal, 2014; I’d dragged my feet on booking my trip to Italy for my friends’ wedding, which is how I ended up flying Air Canada Express/Jazz and then Air Canada Rouge for a wacky itinerary that kicked off with an Amtrak trip from Philly to Newark’s fabled International Airport. On the Newark to Montreal leg, I read Steve Martin’s lovely little book Born Standing Up and fell asleep with the row to myself.
10. Elmira to Vail, 1995: A classmate invited me on his friend’s family ski vacation. What he hadn’t told me when he first mentioned it: we’d be flying private on his step-father’s corporate jet. It was a pretty nice experience! I have yet to fly so luxuriously since this trip.
9. Frankfurt to Philadelphia, 2013: I was finally moving back to the US after my three years in Europe, and I was treating myself (arguably giving myself what I’d earned!) by cashing in a boatload of United Airlines miles on a business class ticket. I spent Tuesday night in Amsterdam, then the next morning flew Amsterdam to Frankfurt. There I had 2 very chill hours in a Lufthansa Lounge where I enjoyed numerous fresh German beers on tap before a 9-hour flight… on which I consumed a disturbing number of Campari-and-sodas. (It was a phase.)
8. Charlotte to Baltimore, 2003: My friend Emily and I were coming back from spring break. A woman turned on her flip phone after landing in Baltimore and exclaimed with simultaneous ego and horror, “Seven new messages?!?” I have thought a lot about this woman this year and how it’s somehow still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Who was calling her during that 90-minute flight?
7. Parkersburg to Pittsburgh, 1997: My maternal grandparents lived near this tiny West Virginia airport, which always felt rife with goofiness. This may or may not have been the flight out of there where we passengers showed up but the crew was nowhere to be found. Regardless, it was the kind of departure where approximately a dozen passengers and their kin milled around much longer than they’d expected to. Whispers emerged. Was that… Al Borland from TV’s Home Improvement? No, but close: the man was Keith Lehman, who once played Al’s brother Cal on the show. Thanks to Wikipedia for having Keith’s name easily discoverable. I definitely did not remember that.
6. Dulles to Portland, 2010: Summer storm delays forced us to sit on the tarmac in our seats for three long hours before takeoff. At some point in all that, I foolishly removed my sneakers. As soon as I put my foot down on the carpet, my sock became rather damp. And that’s how I learned that the kid ahead of me had spilled his Sprite all over the floor.
5. London Stansted to Eindhoven, 2011: I was going through an upsetting time in a hot summer, dealing every day with an individual in crisis, and so I had a bop over to London to blow off some steam, eat cheese, drink real ales. On the way back to my Dutch living situation from the weekend, I suffered a sequence of very British mishaps, including no trains running between the stations I needed, indifferent customer service, and entitled members of the Queen's public. I ran a half mile to my departure gate as they posted “FINAL CALL." When I got there I learned the gate agent had, seconds before, shut down her computer. She sighed “Why can’t people get here on time” and almost refused to let me board. Her colleague intervened. According to my notes from that week, “she was able to check me in by shouting my sequence number to a nearby desk, then of course I had to run out on the tarmac, looking like an asshole to everybody on the flight” because I was the last to board. The whole time, I silently wondered as I jogged, “Why is RyanAir so miserable every time?” That thought process stopped and restarted as I grabbed my only choice of where to sit: a nice aisle seat in the third row. Then of course we didn’t leave on time so we all sat there sweating, even the passengers who hadn’t had a good cardio workout from the security line to the plane.
4. London to New Delhi, 1990. I was in second grade and rather squirrely, unable to sleep on long-haul flights and unwilling to do anything but wiggle. My parents generously let me have however much Coke I wanted to, a choice that I’m still working through today. In the middle of the night flight, I stood near the galley and asked a flight attendant for another can of soda. Well, not stood, but fidgeted with my whole tiny body. And in doing so, I tripped a flight attendant who was carrying drinks to someone who had respectfully asked for beverage service to their seat. On the plane music system, I listened on repeat to the comedy music channel which featured The Muppets version of “Mahna Mahna” and the Peter Sellers’ suggestive “Goodness Gracious Me.” I would love to track down the full playlist.
3. Singapore to Frankfurt, 1994. On this family trip to India, I became incredibly ill on Thanksgiving, our last full day in Calcutta. I couldn’t hold food down and was beyond miserable. A sweet flight attendant as we headed home noted that I’d refused two meals in a row, and was there anything he could do? I was sick for a few days after our return as well, subsisting on 3am jello. I really wish I’d gotten to eat at the Singapore airport, too. Maybe this was the trip with the Muppets song.
2. Newark to Anchorage, 2022. Kelsey & I had booked our Alaska trip this summer just a few weeks before we were to depart. But then our morning to leave from PHL arrived and we found out that American Airlines had a "glitch" that effectively canceled our flight, among 12000 others that holiday weekend. They rebooked us for the next day, but we didn’t trust them to execute that. And so, with the encouragement of my sister-in-law, we booked a one-way ticket out of Newark on United for that same day… These were seven of my most stressful hours in memory, between the initial cancelation message and our new departure. The United flight left on time. And we made it to Anchorage earlier than American would have gotten us there with our original itinerary. I of course then had to spend my first evening in Alaska convincing American to honor our return tickets, but we were there. Of note is that Kelsey played a seatback entertainment system game for hours that she loved. I want to track that game down!
1. Paris to Newark, 1995. I’d spent nearly two weeks outside Paris with a family I didn’t know, and some of their 5ish kids. Their eldest son Benoit had stayed with us the previous summer. The parents knew my mom’s longtime coworkers through an exchange program in their youth, or something like that. It all made sense at the time. My first stay in France was not fun (no, I know! I know.. No, yeah, I KNOW.) and I was excited to get home. Nobody formally designated me as an unaccompanied minor, I don’t think, and I didn’t feel like a small child. But the flight attendants did escort me from the plane onto American soil, quickly walking through customs, and I’m quite certain nobody official stamped my passport nor spoke to me about my travels. Oops?
Well, that was a fun set to put together.
Reading:
Savvy reader Dan M sent me this interview with Helen Rosner, which was a treat: a familiar personality in a new format. And via Cassandra’s Good Links, I (and now you!) got to learn about the weirdness that is Shaggy’s take on “Angel of the Morning.” And speaking of bygone trends, serial killers have been on decline, what’s up with that? I feel like the steep decline of Twitter means that there’ll be fewer weird day-long jokes and such. One of the last that I’d already forgotten by the time I compiled these: a “dingus” on Fox Business claimed he’d had a $28 meal at Taco Bell. This section wouldn’t be complete without some navelgazing from The New Yorker: our memories are messy, particularly when it comes to what we believe about our core individual selves. A Dutch doctor is revolutionizing abortion-by-mail, and a hermit skips stones really really really well. My friend Katie wrote a newsletter about stating your needs, and I’m delighted by how they lay it out. Finally, yeah, the Phillies lost the World Series but it was a fun few weeks.
Eating:
Kelsey and I had delicious meals and treats in Miami at Chug’s Diner, Salt & Straw, and Los Félix. If you’re in South Philly, I recommend the dry rub wings at SouthHouse.
Beating:
My friend Joe Moore released an album of original Halloween songs and it’s fun! A husband of a friend of a friend released an ambient album with late fall evening vibes. My month's notes claim I rediscovered Discobelle.net mixes. I have no clear memory of this but I believe myself. I keep a file on my desktop called “2008 era music.txt” to remind me of sites and labels from way back when. Remember when Adult Swim was releasing albums? Weird. Also, I spent a few days listening to a playlist called "Covers that have no reason being this good” and I’m not convinced they’re all THAT good but some certainly are.
Deleting:
I spent part of October ill with something like a bad cold, not covid, which led to my working to get rid of that. Not unrelatedly, I’m trying to reorganize how I pack for trips: what’s pre-packed always (like cold medicine) and what’s packed last minute (eyeglasses)? Do you have smart strategies about this task?
On October 31, I posted a somewhat vague thing about Brian Eno and birds to Twitter and haven’t been on since except to download my account archives. It’s been 15 years since I first opened an account on the site. I’ve written well over 80000 tweets across, probably more like 100000, across 15ish accounts. It’s time I spend my energies elsewhere. Like here! Wow, a newsletter only a month after the last one!? And that’s just talking about my writing energy! Twitter was great at times for my professional life and social life, bad at times for my mental health, and a distraction at… many times. I’ll miss it, but also I’ll be fine without it as a constant presence. I still have lots of processing to do about the site and its roles in my life. Who knows what that’ll turn into?
Retreating:
Kelsey had a work conference trip to Miami, so I tagged along and bopped around to eat griot and sandwiches. The beach there is quite nice, perhaps you’ve heard of it. We were part of three weddings in October and felt honored and loved. Our outdoor meanderings included geocaching at the John James Audubon Center at Mill Grove in the suburbs here and the Keuka Lake Outlet Trail back home. The latter refers to waterways, not shopping, it turns out.
Meeting:
The Johns Hopkins University Life Design Lab sat me down to record interviews for two podcasts, Hopkins Hacks and When U Grow Up. I don’t know when they’ll drop. We just recorded Monday of this week!
Okay, bye for now,
Neil
Don't miss what's next. Subscribe to What Is Neil DOING?:
Comments: