Moon Memo: Visibility and Pizza
Hello from Portland, where I am luxuriating. This may be my last fun week on unemployment. My job interview went very well with the Humane Society, and I'm excited to get back to work. So this Moon Memo is going to focus on fun things.
Books
These days, as longtime readers know, I read books on my kindle or on the boox palma. Digital machines that use E-Ink technology. The future I wanted as a kid was an entire library in my pocket.
But some books demand a physical object.
Jeanne Thornton and I are not even remotely friends. We've met (maybe? I can't remember completely, but I claim it) once at a reading for trans writers in about 2017. Online she has been nothing but kind to me. Thoughtful and witchy and kind hearted. I love that she's writing weird fictions, fictions about making yourself. About rewriting history so you can have your own identity.
Her new book is out right now. I pre-ordered a copy when it was announced. And the physical copy SHOULD be arriving today (it's Wednesday. I'm writing this one ahead of time). It's called A/S/L, and it's about finding yourself in digital worlds, and you should read it [and order it from Hive Mind Books](https://www.hivemindbooks.com/author-events/p/signed-copy-asl).
The problem with physical media is that it takes a while to arrive in your hands. So of course I also have the digital copy on my kindle. So far it's as good as Summer Fun. Hits a little closer to home. I was these kids.
Visibility
Like many trans women, I'm having problems with visibility this year. I've always been excited about Trans Day of Visibility in the past. It was one of my favorite days. I would doll up, and be loud somewhere, and show up, and show what a trans woman looks like.
Right now, though, I don't want to be visible. I want to be able to put my hood up and hide my body from power. I want to be just another girl in the crowd, a member of a legion. I want to live my little life.
The only people I want to be visible to are other trans people. I want a huge beacon to appear for only them. That way, I can be present in a world of just them.
I've kind of made a life like that. I very rarely interact with straight cis people. It's weird when it happens.
And when the government is actively taking away your rights, maybe I just want to, you know, disappear a while.
Anyway, Happy TDoV. I love being trans. I love being visible to you. And I hate that I have to be afraid.
Phone
Today I'm re-evaluating my phone a bit. I've been staring at it a lot, and I think I need to remove some apps again. Maybe it's time to admit that the phone was a bad idea.
3 types of apps on the phone:
- Communication-Internet Communication Device
- Music
- A way to navigate the world a little easier
It's not a reading device, but I've been treating it like it is.
Maybe I need to remove Reader from the phone, and put only the kindle instead.
Go back to reading books only.
Reader is my RSS app, and it is great, but it really does feel like it invades my space a little more than I want it to. I can't control the flow of information coming in like I want to. If there was a way to schedule it to only be available during specific times of the day, I'd do that. But instead I'm constantly glanding at it. So off the phone it goes. I can read through my feed at the beginning or end of the day on the ipad. But having it open all the time is really making it easy to sit and waste a bunch of time on my phone.
If I'm going to read on my phone, I'd rather read more books.
Removing youtube. If I want to watch a video, I still have access through the browser, but the app makes it too easy to just zone out.
Quieting my notifications. I am part of a large group chat, and I need to allow it to go off without having it constantly buzzing.
When I start working, I'm not going to allow my work apps on my phone. Work apps are for my work computer. When I'm at my desk, I'll be available.
We'll see how long that lasts. LOL
Writing apps update:
Obsidian for just about everything right now. Having everything in one app may seem foolish, but right now it's just easier to have all my random reading notes, and a running log of the day, and newsletters, and everything else all in one place.
When I need a blank screen with nothing else, I go to BBedit. It's just a blank piece of paper for me. I'm sure I could do it in TextEdit, but I'm a nerd, and I have the free version of BBedit, so I'm using that.
Notebooks. Jotting a lot on paper. Because paper is freedom, and no one gets to see the paper. If I'm writing something just for me, that's still the best place to go.
Sex
They said they have never felt this safe and vulnerable. That it is hot to let go with someone that they know will laugh with them in the middle of sex.
Who doesn’t laugh in the middle of sex? Are people so joyless that they won’t belly laugh their way out of an orgasm when they accidentally make a fart noise against someone’s thigh? Are we so afraid to be vulnerable with each other that laughter has been banished from the bedroom? What about crying? Are we willing to cry with the people that we fuck? Are we trying to be too cool?
We are wet with each other. We will leave each other smelling of our mouths and juices. The world is sad and hard, but we are delighted in each other’s company.
They call me Mrs Moon. All of my lovers have learned that calling me Mrs Moon is a quick way to get me in that hyper focus state.
I read a book about sex years ago (during my first marriage) called “she cums first”. And while it was shockingly binary, and assumed that "the top" was going to be male, it did become one of my main theories about sexuality. Focus on your lover’s pleasure, maybe along with yours, maybe above yours. I guess that’s big top energy. Finding a place for that in my feminine self is important.
outro
Jade and I got pizza tonight. DeFino pie from Scotty's Pizza, my favorite place in Portland. Just lovely here in the land of perpetual rain, after a day of good fucking and reading. I hope that you are feeling happy in your little life. It's easy to despair right now. I know it. But right now, what we have is right now. Fight like hell. Take care of yourselves. Know I love you shockingly.
Love and stuff,
Misha Moon
